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Not coping (again) kids and covid

19 replies

Napqueen1234 · 08/09/2020 11:02

I have a 3.5 year old and 8.5 mo. Had bad episode of PND during lockdown and had CBT which helped. But I’m slipping back. The stress of having two (8mo is constantly whining as can’t crawl yet but wants to be moving so is frustrated- I think anyway) and a grumpy 3 year old who’s exhausted after new preschool (only been there a week so understandable) is killing me. I want to run away. I’m back in work early October and so worried about school/nursery closing constantly and negotiating that with work.

Life is just so hard and I feel so little joy. Was walking in the rain yesterday afternoon to get the preschooler our and distract the baby and was soaking wet, both whinging and just thinking wtf is my life. I used to see friends, have a career, go out enjoy myself. Spend money on clothes and things I wanted to do. I don’t think I’ll ever have that freedom or job again.

Does anyone feel the same. Or words of wisdom from people who have been there and are out the other side? Thanks

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MamaBearThius · 08/09/2020 11:05

Hey OP - I'm listening

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Napqueen1234 · 08/09/2020 11:05

Thanks @MamaBearThius 💕

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Rainallnight · 08/09/2020 11:08

I’m in a very similar place to you though my DC are a little older. I’ve got a thread about it on the Covid board.

Google parental burnout. I think it’s affecting a lot of us at the moment

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bingowingsmcgee · 08/09/2020 11:15

I've ebeen through that very situation OP, and I remember how utterly relentless it is. I remember feeling like each five minutes lasted an hour, and each hour lasted a day. Unless you've been there you can't imagine how draining and all-encompassing it is with those ages. You are right in the thick of it. One of mine used to make this noise before he could walk, we used to call it 'miserable noise' and he made it constantly. It wears away at you doesn't it. It's such an intense time and it feels like you're running just to stand still. But it passes. It absolutely passes and wonderful times are ahead. I think it took me a year just to recover from those grueling times when my youngest finally went to school. If there are any parts of the day that you still enjoy, (such as cuddles, maybe clean pj's after bathtime?), really savoury those times, and try to pull up energy from your boots the rest of the time! It's an absolute grind, and you need something nice to look forward to when they're in bed, whether it's a hot bath, a film, a glass of wine... Each day done is like a battle won isn't it?

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SummerHouse · 08/09/2020 11:17

Let me get you a cup of tea.

I remember exactly this time and that was without all the lockdown shite.

I speak to you from the other side with kids aged 8 and 10. Life is a joy. I have hobbies, wonderful friends, great job and no crying baby.

When youngest DS was 8 months I found no joy in anything. I just kept wondering "when does this get easier......"

Then I went back to work and everything was easier and better and I appreciated my children, my time and my life much more.

Please don't worry about things that haven't happened. It won't be easy but you will find a way to make things work and if you simply can't, people are more understanding than not. My employer has always got my back and I am lucky but that's also because I put a hell of a lot in and it comes full circle.

At my worst times, it was other mums who got me through it. Not by actions but with sympathy and recognition and hearing all the shit they too were dealing with.

Please do something nice for yourself whatever that may be. A cake, a run, a chat with a friend, a non rainy walk.

The sun will shine for you I promise you that. Just be kind to yourself and get through each day without worrying about next week, or next month.

Hand hold. We've got you OP.

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SummerHouse · 08/09/2020 11:23

God reading your comment @bingowingsmcgee about miserable noise I remembered my DS asleep in his pushchair and a friend did a double take saying "oh! He looks like a different baby." And I thought yeah, that's because he asleep - the only time he is not pissed off about something!!!

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30under · 08/09/2020 11:28

It's a miserable phase. It will pass.
Bless you, have some tea and cake / luxurious bath while they nap...

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nitsandwormsdodger · 08/09/2020 11:50

Have you considered alternative milks? Whinging May be tummy discomfort? I know that's wholly hippy suggestion but it doesn't hurt to have baby on non dairy for two week and no effort in your part

Try not to fret about work childcare and covid as most folk will be in similar and they will have to be nice about it

Government have said schools nurseries will close as very last resort

What about their dad and grandparents any support there can you ask fur regular babysitting / nights out to give you a break

It does get better this is just a phase
Last tip exercise i hate it but it helps

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Napqueen1234 · 08/09/2020 12:20

Thank you so much all. @bingowingsmcgee it’s THAT noise now I have a name for it at least! so wearing! And thank you @SummerHouse for a glimpse into a positive future. I’m sure it doesn’t help with covid etc the whole time I was thinking ‘in the old days at least I’d be at bloody soft play in the warm with a coffee!’. I know I should be grateful for what I’m so lucky to have but I just feel removed like this isn’t the life I signed up for. Thanks for your well wishes. Help is difficult as we are in a newly ‘further locked down’ area so the help we had planned for the weekend has had to be cancelled. Life is so put on hold with little to look forward to. I try to take joy in the good moments but they’re few and far between.

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BlueJag · 08/09/2020 12:26

I think it's a very tough job to be a Mum in general. Always tired, always trying to reach a compromise between what we should do and what we can do. I'm one of 4 and I can't imagine how difficult that was for my mother.
We only have one child now 14 and it's a lot easier.
There is no real solution that I can offer other than do what you can and try to do one thing that you enjoy as often as you can. 😘😘😘

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Napqueen1234 · 08/09/2020 12:52

Thanks @BlueJag. I always thought I wanted 3- definitely not now. Can’t even imagine 4!

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BlueJag · 08/09/2020 17:55

I don't think we fully understand exhaustion until we have kids and everything else on top. I hope you can make some Mum friends. Thanks to them I endured soft play areas, endless kids parties specially in reception and all the kids programs like peppa pig and all the other delightful offerings that kill your soul. The sad thing is I miss it all. Ours is nearly 15 and I feel that time is running out. I miss him already 😭

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Debradoyourecall · 08/09/2020 18:10

I understand - I have an 8.5 month old too, and a four year old. The baby is on the move, crawling and standing, so I have to follow round behind her helping her avoid injuring herself. I’m constantly covered in snot and sick. She seems to be dropping all her daytime naps too - today she managed about 15 mins total.

Nothing open indoors for small kids any more really sucks. I just want to go to a playgroup and let them loose!

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Napqueen1234 · 08/09/2020 20:40

Thank you @Debradoyourecall it’s comforting to know there’s people out there who know how I’m feeling in a similar situation.

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Debradoyourecall · 09/09/2020 19:46

You’re definitely not alone @Napqueen1234 x

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canthisbeoveralready · 09/09/2020 20:07

I'm in a very similar position with a 4 year old and a 15 month old. Have had so many dark thoughts the last few weeks. It's shit you have my sympathies

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Napqueen1234 · 09/09/2020 20:20

@canthisbeoveralready I hope you are ok. It’s so hard. When you say dark thoughts- things like suicide? When I was contemplating that (I have never had MH issues or even considered it before) it triggered me to speak to the HV who diagnosed PND and got me support which really helped. Could you reach out to your GP of HV? Support it out there and it made a difference at the time even though I’m struggling again and ive been using some of the CBT techniques to cope or at least unwind a bit.

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Louisainlockdown · 09/09/2020 23:26

OP I have a 3 year old, a 10 month old and two primary aged children.
There have been many days lately where I wanted to burst into tears. My 3 year old is particularly demanding and we no longer go out much (even before Covid).

Some days are relentless (make food, clean up, make snacks, clean up, wash clothes, break up fights, clean up spill, clean up toilet) but I look at my older two and I can see an easier future. Even though they both still need me so much, it doesn't seem as exhausting as looking after tiny ones.

You are not alone and I know how difficult and all consuming it can be.

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Napqueen1234 · 10/09/2020 09:16

Thank you @Louisainlockdown sounds like you’re doing great and happy to know there’s light at the end of this very dark tunnel.

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