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Anyone not have a "one that got away"?

14 replies

bluecheesediva · 07/09/2020 15:53

I see threads pop up on here from time to time where people still carry a torch for someone from their past, perhaps even decades later. Sometimes this is just fond memories and nostalgia and other times there seems to be real regret and longing for people and the concept of having the "one that got away" in your past is something seen as fairly universal.

It's not that I can't imagine or understand that being the case its just that I don't have that experiance. I did meet my husband quite young at 20 but I dated from the age of 13 and had a 2 year relationship in my mid teens with a boy a few years older as well as other shorter relationships, crushes, almost things but not quite. I did not fall in love with anyone until I met my husband, although I was heavily invested in my teenage long term boyfriend at the time but never felt anything like the love I do for my husband with him. I remember very clearly the sense of falling deeply in love for the first time with my husband.

I regard my early relationships as a useful learning experiance and I probably dodged a few bullets but I have no ill will for any of them and I rarely think of them except when other people speak of their own relationship regrets and lost loves.

Anyone else not have a one that got away?

OP posts:
Distressedchic · 07/09/2020 16:42

I had a bit of a torch for an ex of mine for a few months we split about 20 years ago, but started feeling repulsed when we were just friends.
That’s the farthest I’ve got in ‘the one that got away’.
I tend to be quite selfish though (excluding kids obv), I always thought that may have something to do with it, I just can’t be arsed if there’s nothing in it for me.
On speaking with friends, their ‘ones who got away’ seem to be the bastards who’ve shit on them from a great height.

roundandroundabout · 07/09/2020 16:44

Me. I look back on all my past relationships as learning experiences. I wouldn't be with any of them now, I'd rather be single for the rest of my life.

EdwardCullensBiteOnTheSide · 07/09/2020 17:03

I've not got one either. I'm glad they're all exs!

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bluecheesediva · 07/09/2020 17:04

@Distressedchic

Yeah I see that trend also with friends that it is often the guys who treated them the worst they pine for.

I don't think I'd selfish but its just that I didn't actually love any or them or even miss them once they were gone. The guy I went out with for 2 years as a teenager actually got quite angry with me in the street when we bumped into each other randomly years after we split because I didn't want to swap numbers or hang out. He shouted that I'd turned into a real bitch!

@roundandroundabout, same I'm glad I'm not with any of them and would rather be single but for my lovely dh!

OP posts:
nikkylou · 07/09/2020 17:24

No one that got away here. I think I'm quite unusual though in not having much dating history...

I dated my current partner from 19, and only really had one boyfriend before that. We've been together 8 years.

I had crushes but they were never really viable things. I can hardly say they got away. I don't think about them at, and tbh, I'm not sure I'd even recognise them if I ever saw them again.

Occasionally I do wonder if I maybe should have had more experiences, but I dont feel like I've settled so...
I think it's a first date, early romance I feel like I missed, not actually a person.

Stompythedinosaur · 07/09/2020 17:24

Christ no. Dp is a million times better than any previous partner.

CabernetSoWhat · 07/09/2020 17:27

I don't think most people have a 'one that got away' tbh. I think that's a false assumption. Some people do, not most.

bluecheesediva · 07/09/2020 17:33

I don't think I meant that most people have a one that got away but that the concept of it is somewhat universal, even if for most people who experiance it its little more than a bit of nostalgia.

OP posts:
IncludeWomenInTheSequel · 07/09/2020 17:35

I thought DH was going to be mine, until he finally got his act together to tell me how he felt Grin

bluecheesediva · 07/09/2020 17:35

@nikkylou

I can see how you would feel that way although in my experiance its much nicer and more fun to be in a great long term relationship than to date lots of new people. I guess its just part of growing up and a certain time of your life.

OP posts:
WinterAndRoughWeather · 07/09/2020 17:53

I don’t have a real one that got away. I sometimes think about the lovely boys I should have dated but never did - crossed wires, missed opportunities - but I’ve never, ever wondered about my actual exes.

Of course the lovely boys would have been exes by now too, I’ve never felt that I’ve missed out on a potential husband or anything like that.

lachy · 07/09/2020 18:39

Similar to @IncludeWomenInTheSequel

DH may have ended up as mine, but I got black out drunk, propositioned him via email and the rest is history Grin

Littlegoth · 07/09/2020 18:54

I did. 10 years later back in touch, didn’t make the same mistake twice! Fast forward another 10 years and we are having our little boy in 2 days x

PuddleglumtheMarshWiggle · 07/09/2020 18:57

No, I married my first boyfriend from sixth form. Yesterday we celebrated our 34th anniversary!

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