Back to work after maternity

[emotionalbutterfly]

So I don't know my point to this. Guess I'm looking for some POSITIVES that anyone has experience or can give me because I'm getting myself upset.

I'm due to go back to work in January after a year off maternity leave. Despite a shite year and not being able to do much I've a wonderful, healthy boy who I have an amazing bond with. I struggled badly with pnd but I've finally got better (mostly! I'm 85% back to me if I was to guesstimate) I've asked my manager if I can come back part time or reduce hours by at least an hour daily and I've been told no. I work the usual of 8.30 til 5 mon to fri and I earn really well (this is important!) so I would be leaving work about half 7 and get home about 6 sometimes 7 if traffic is bad. At the moment (8 month old baby) goes to bed half 6/7 latest.

I'm now making myself feel poorly with worry that I'm only going to see my boy on a weekend and it's impacting on my mental health again.

I have applied for lots of jobs that don't pay as much so firstly we will struggle on a wage cut and secondly I think I'm gonna be seen as over qualified for most as I purposely want to reduce my hours so I can actually see my little one and that's even if I can get another job considering what's going on at the moment.

Apologies that was long!!!!

I suppose I'm asking does it get easier to just accept I won't see him much and just hope as he gets older he goes to bed later and ride it out for now. Or will it not be as bad as I think.

Suppose I just wanted a rant.

Oh and to add. My manager has declined me finishing early 2 days a week when my boys in nursery as they are doing reduced hours of 8 til 5 so I've had to get extra childcare to pick m boy up from nursery!

This sounds like a really hard situation. Like you, found it difficult returning and I am the main earner so had that pressure. I cried the first few times but I'm lucky that I have family to look after him on two of the days and my employer allowed me to return on a .8 contract so I have a day off. In your shoes, I would return to work, but actively looking for a job which would allow some more flexibility in hours, which sounds like what you are doing. At least then you know it is only a "for the meantime" situation which makes it easier mentally.

Agreed with @MadeFrom100percentPears. Return, but continue to look for a more suitable role. Which industry are you in? The market is changing so much; many people reviewing their requirements of staff as a result of the pandemic (so more likely to get compressed or 0.8 hours).

Try not to stress until Jan, you’ll regret wasting energy on those emotions when you could be spending it relaxing with your son.

Stay confident and only apply for jobs you really want; apply for full-time roles and see if you can negotiate if offered.

Thanks both for taking time to reply to me. I do keep trying to stop myself thinking and wasting my energy on worrying as I did some cbt courses when I had my pnd and found them very useful but the closer the return to works becomes the more I stress.

I'm in the print and design industry and we've made 30% of staff redundant which I may have been up for but maternity "saved" me so to speak or else I would have had a very good pay out and would have been happy living off that for at least another year but that ships sailed. I'm thankful I have a job but it just sucks. Especially now my little one is interacting way more. Feel like I'm gonna grieve for something if that makes sense.

Do you have to pay back any if your maternity leave if you don't go back?

Not deliberately but when I returned to work after DC1 I was already 4 and a bit months pregnant and using leave owed and due etc ended up working shorter weeks/days for 13 weeks before going on maternity leave again.

As long as you are back during weeks 17 -25 you get your full maternity pay again.

So there's always that option...

I don't want another baby 👶🏻 no offence.

@emotionalbutterfly - fingers crossed a new role can come up!

I did similar to pastabest. I went back, hated it, fell pregnant again and was back on mat leave within 18 months. I then went back part time after having my second child. Now my DC are older, I'm back full time again.

I have to admit that my current job is very stressful and I struggle with it and then having the energy for my DC/home life etc. This is with DC that are older than yours, in school, more independent etc. I've been fortunate enough to find a much slower paced job for a similar salary and will be starting that soon.

It is hard, but you just have to do what you have to do. Keep applying for new jobs with better hours to suit. Is there any scope for WFH in your current role. You will still need childcare, but it does give you a bit more time.

Do you have a partner?

I went back full time after my first. It was hard but after a couple of months I found my feet and my rhythm.

The most important thing for me was DH and I really going 50/50. We alternated who took to nursery and who dropped off so we could share that load. I WFH one day a week and then either worked 7:45-4:45 or 9- whenever. He did the same

I also did my food shop in the evening one night and hired a cleaner.

All that meant that during the weekends we could be 100% focused on family time. We didn't get much time all together but the time we did we made count.

Yes I have a partner but currently we can't split 50/50 as my current employers won't fit around the corona hours at nursery so I won't see him at all through the week except on the baby monitor. Obviously the older he gets the later his bedtime will be so that will help.

Oh and I've sorted a cleaner and got my partner works four day weeks so he will have the day off once a week to do the food shopping. They won't allow us to work from home even though we physically can do. My manager is from the 1950's!

If it's making you ill then just get a sicknote and don't go back - bide your time and they may offer you refundancy fingers crossed 🤞 if they are looking at making savings

And working 4 days "to go food shopping" sounds a right waste of a day, get it delivered and if he works another day you can apply for something else over less hours and he can do an extra day
I hope you get it sorted

I went back to work full time and I can’t pretend it wasn’t tough but you’ll find that you make the time you do have with your DS quality time and that’s what really matters.

He will be looking after our son on his day off and was going to combine it with food shopping :)

He does longer days at home to make way for the day off. It's how banks work :) So he will drop our son at nursery on 2 days a eeek and collect him then continue working. I want a job at his place but they are hard to come by.