WhatsApp group and feeling left out

[Colycola]

I’m on a WhatsApp group with some friends. I’m the eldest of the group and have kids, I’m in my early 40s they are all mid 30s, child free and live relatively close in London, I live in the suburbs and don’t travel in anymore for work.

A few things have happened and I’ve realised they have another whatsapp group without me which they are of course entitled to do and they probably now have more in common with each other than me. They then talk about it on our group and I realise I have no idea what they are talking about. It just makes me feel weird and a bit shit. There have been recent events in the group and again I’m the last to know. I’m wondering if there is a way I can bow out respectfully without seeming like a massive cry baby.

Is there anyone in the group you are close to and message 1 on 1 already? If so, may be worth having a virtual coffee meet up. It may not be what it seems. If you really do wish to bow out, just leave the group. Not sure why they would see you as a cry baby for leaving ?

Just leave the group and let them get on with it. If you're close to one of them just arrange something privately. Sorry OP, not nice behaviour.

Just be upfront and say I don't know what you're all talking about. They'll either explain or add you to the other group.

A couple of times I’ve said hey no idea what you are on about. Then it’s been explained but we are talking about weirdly big kind of life decisions like completing on a house, booking a wedding venue etc. Maybe I should mute the group? Rather than leave.

I'd leave the group. I would hate to be constantly left out.

I was in a group during lock down with colleagues in similar occupations. It became apparent that there was another group with a smaller number in. They also started talking about thing sin the other group and it excluded people in the main group - why didn't they just talk in their other group - odd.
I left the group as did a couple of others since it was pointless when no idea what some were talking about. I imagine that they have 2 groups with the same people in now.

I always say if something doesn't add a positive to your life or day and you don't have to have it then leave/bin if off (as some say), walk away from the drama.

This happened to me. To be fair I wasn't that close to the people in the group so had no problem with them having a separate chat with me excluded.

What really annoyed me was they would start to arrange and organise things that also involved me! For example, we car shared alot (1.5 hour commute both ways) and they decided I was going to drive on one particular day without actually telling me because they had decided on it in the other group chat I wasn't in!

I would mute the chat to begin with, see how you feel. If they keep leaving you out you can always leave the group.
They don't sound particularly good friends to exclude you, I'm sure they wouldn't like it if it was done to one of them.

I'm with @WALKING2 if it isn't adding to your life just quit it. Who cares what they think!

"I don't understand what you're talking about. Have you been discussing it somewhere else?"
(Obvious reply)
"Well it's really hurtful to be excluded when I thought we were friends, I'll bow out of this group"

@XXX5

I'm with *@WALKING2* if it isn't adding to your life just quit it. Who cares what they think!

@XXX5

Oh my....people don't usually agree with me....... I say quit groups like that since they grind you down when they chat about things from other groups and can make you feel left out and wondering why

I’d definitely leave! That would make me feel sad

I'd leave.
I discovered that mutual friends at work are on their own group. I'm not in any of their groups. :/
I did say I felt a bit left out to my closest colleague / pal but she just didn't engage with it and started chatting about something else.
It really feels like I'm back at school sometimes...