When did you realise

[HarrisonFived]

That you're just as much a parent as any other?

It took me a very long time, probably for loads of reasons but mainly because my high anxiety meant I felt that I was always 'looking after' my DC and not 'parenting' them.

One day (at the beginning of the lockdown measures) I went into a pharmacy, and the lady behind the counter told me that I should go home and keep safe, and that her sister had just had a baby prematurely that was in SCBU, her sister had complications which meant she couldn't be with her baby in the hospital and she told me that her sister was crying a lot and saying 'she doesn't think she's a real mum'. The lady herself was upset because she couldn't find any premature sized nappies for her new niece.

I suddenly had tonnes of advice and support for her based on my own feelings of 'not being a real mum'. She still remembers me when I go in because she said I helped her and her sister a lot. I was honestly surprised, because up until that point I didn't think I had any business giving anybody advice about being a parent. Since then I've been proudly throwing about the words 'my son' or 'my daughter' with reckless abandon

I'm honestly interested to hear anybody's experiences, even if you felt like a mum/dad as soon as you heard your baby crying the first time. Or if your DC are preteens and you still don't feel like a parent?

When ds1 was born that first night in hospital and it was just me and him the realisation that he was MY responsibility was huge and he would always be everywhere I went from then on.

Not until he was a toddler - I always used to say I have a baby, but I don't feel like a mum. I still feel slightly disconnected from being an actual parent, but I do feel like I'm his mum now.

I did have very bad anxiety through pregnancy and postnatally.

I still don't feel responsible/adult enough to be a parent and both of mine are at university.

I'm not sure I ever will

@DizzyPigeon I think I'll feel a lot like you as they get older 

@Delbelleber that's the feeling I expected to have, but it never came . Was it a good feeling? Or was it unnerving?

@whatswithtodaytoday that's almost exactly how things progressed with me. Was there a moment that put things into perspective for you?

Not one moment, no. I think it came on gradually as he started to become more of a person - running to me, reaching for me, just recently finally saying Mama 😁

Also my friend had a baby exactly a year after me, and I found talking about the early days with her and having advice she actually found useful made me feel a bit more like a parent.