What happens after you call 101?

[Bearsinmotion]

DP is very unwell mentally. Yesterday he told me over text he was suicidal, and he was going to kill himself and it’s all my fault. I called 101 and was on the phone when they found him unharmed.

Since then I have heard nothing. I have texted his family just to ask them to tell me he is ok. No reply. 101 said they would update me, but they haven’t. What happens now?

Ring him, ring family or go and see him yourself if you can.

I am not going to see him with the kids, not while he is blaming me.

I work for my local police force as a call taker/dispatch. In these circumstances, he could of been detained under the mental health act and taken to a hospital or mental health hospital and given an assessment. I would call 101 and explain the situation and ask for an update.

I should add his illness makes him emotionally abusive.

Just called 101. They found him but can’t tell me anything else. I don’t know where he is, how he was, whether he will come looking for me or try again but not tell me...

If they are refusing to give you any information he has either been arrested/sectioned. All you can do is wait. Have you reported the abuse?

Not this time, I did when it happened before. Would they normally tell me nothing then if they were convinced he was ok and they didn’t need to do anything else?

Thank you by the way lovo, I really appreciate your advice.

Anytime! If we get custody calls we are normally told to explain they're safe and well and we have no concerns for them at this time and we know where they are. When it comes down to the sectioning, I believe the officers will try and convince the detained party to make the disclosure that they have been detained for the sake of the family. Do you think he's capable of being arrested? Would he downplay the mental health aspect? I would hazard a guess that if he would not present as having a mental health crisis it's more likely that he's been arrested. The only other thing I can think of is if he has been taken to a family/friend and he's requested his location is not disclosed to you. I would always say to report the abuse especially if he has been arrested as it could raise some flags to the custody staff upon his release. I hope you're ok and if you need to talk, please do let me know!

He does downplay the mental health crisis thing but he is in such a bad way it would be obvious. I don’t know what he would have been arrested for, he’s not violent and can’t really emotionally abuse the police!

Part of the problem is I have been putting up with it all for so long I have lost track of what constitutes normal behaviour and what crosses the line and becomes a crisis

Have tried calling his family but they won’t answer. I don’t know what to tell the kids, in the past he has told them that I will make it so that he will never be able to see them again.

All you can do is wait for an update now

In regards to children, I wouldn't say anything to worry them at this stage; you don't know what's happening but if we have no concerns, he will be safe either way.

You need to report his behaviour. I think you know if you sat down and looked at his behaviour against other relationships of family and friends, you'd see a pattern of his behaviour. No one should treat their partner like this; mental health or otherwise.

But who to? Last year we went to Relate, who referred me to the police domestic abuse helpline. We have had social services involved, who referred me to the Freedom programme but have now closed the case.

His sister has just texted me that he is ok, so that is a relief but I don’t know where he is and if he will be looking for me...

Based on that, he's probably been left in the care of his sister.

What's going to happen with the relationship? Are you going to try and work through it or have you hit a wall?

I would reach out to charities/mental health if you are looking to stay (make that a term in the relationship to be able to progress) to get some help for him and you. Whether or not that be marriage counselling alongside his GP to support his mental health.

If you're planning on leaving or if he has ever hurt your or your children you need to report it to the police. Especially if you are planning on leaving as his mental health could escalate his abusive behaviour - but that shouldn't be the only reason to stay!

Think about it over the next couple of days, don't rush into anything emotions will be high for both of you.

But if you get in to trouble, feel scared for yourself or children please call 999 and don't suffer in silence.

Thank you lovo

Next time he threatens suicide I'd recommend calling 999 and asking for ambulance service and make a separate report to the police.

Even if he was found safe and well the Police cant tell you anything more than he was located. Them not disclosing anything doesn't mean he is at the station or a hospital.
I work for NHS MH services and if we request a welfare check we only get notified that they have been located and are "okay."

Hope you're okay OP, remember mental health can never justify someone treating you in an absuive manner (aside from someone who is floridly psychotic or similar) and you are not to blame in anyway!

Hes not necessarily been left in the care of anyone. If the Police locate him and he says he is not suicidal and has no plans/intent to harm himself then that is all they need.
I had an ex boyfriend who sent me a video of himself on a bridge saying that he was going to jump, it was all my fault etc. I called the Police who located him a while later at home. He did not express suicidal ideation to them, thus they left him.

Lock the door and instigate a divorce?

Thanks all. There is a long history to this, we are not actually living at home at the moment and can’t until a lot of work is done. It was supposed to start tomorrow with DP’s therapist but he is refusing to see her now.