Would you go to a postpartum drop in?

[Usergroundzero]

There is nothing in my area with easy access to postpartum care and it’s a big town.

I had quite a traumatic birth with dd2 and probably had PND, didn’t realise how much I’d been effected by dd2 birth untill a mum at a play group asked how the dd2 birth was and I actually burst out crying as I opened up to her about it 😳

No one had actually asked me about it. Dd2 was nine months by then.

There is such a big internal feeling with women to ‘just get on with it’ and push through it. It’s only when I look back I think holy shit I was actually in a bad way. And some of my friends feel similar.

I’d love to set up a drop in where women can come in and talk within a group, have a coffee/tea/toast and just discuss ( if they want to) how (fucked up) they felt during and after birth. I’d hire qualified councillors to lead the sessions.

Would you go to something like this and what would you like to happen there/do/talk about?

I’d like to do it for non profit so the charge would be to literally cover costs so how much would pay per session or would you prefer it as a course?

Any fees back/ideas would be amazing, this is very early days just thinking about how I would put it together

Thank you

Past that stage now but I would have done, yes. The NCT used to run some postnatal groups round here, not sure if they still do that?

Thanks for the reply. We have a sure start centre but it’s mainly used by people out of the area and it’s reducing the days it’s actually open now. I’ll have a look on the local NCT group ( if there is one) to see if there is anything available. Thank you

Bump

Yes, i would have liked this for my first. I had a traumatic birth followed by a week long hospital stay with pre eclampsia, while the baby was in NICU. My second (ELCS, out of hosp the next day) was actually quite healing... not that that's a reason to have another one!

Sorry, meant to say, it would be good for mothers whose babies were in nicu too.

My DC are almost all grown up, but there was a similar set up when DC1 was born, & it was great.

HVs ran it & were on hand if we wanted to ask them anything but they mostly made sure all the mums got to have a hot drink, & held the babies so we could do this. But they mostly left us to chat amongst ourselves.

That set up worked best for me. I also went to one set up by our maternity unit which was good for other reasons. They had a physio who held an exercise class (pelvic floor work mostly), & we had a cuppa afterwards, with a midwife on hand if you wanted to ask about breast feeding. It was all very relaxed & informal. They did invite a speaker once which I found difficult to concentrate on because of sleep deprivation. I much preferred to chat to other mums.

When the babies were about 6 months old a group of us had a pub night without babies, which turned into a cathartic session about labour & the first weeks of motherhood, which was more fun than it sounds.

Having had PND twice the counsellor idea sounds good, but be aware that not everyone would want it, & that the chance to get out of the house, have someone else make you a drink, & talk to another adult about all sorts (usually the babies, but sometimes other stuff) is more than enough.

Personally, signing up for a course when there's the potential to miss weeks (just leaving the house is hard enough at that stage) would put me off. I liked just being allowed to turn up within a 2 hour window, & leave when we needed to.

Hope you get something running.

There's a woman near me who has set up a mother's group aimed at women who have mental health issues. You can go with or without your kids (she does have some toys for little ones but they're not the focus) and just chat. She keeps the numbers deliberately low so it's not overwhelming when you walk in. That was enough for me tbh. A counsellor probably would have put me off because it would have felt too formal I think.

Thanks for the replies, I’m taking every one on board.

Me and some of my mum friends unofficially ended up doing this together so yes I think it would have been a useful option.

No from me. People sitting around bragging about their wonderful kid while I was in the depths of PND hell would have been awful. However, lots of people enjoy such events, so I'm sure you would have lots of interest.

@Crylittlesister

No from me. People sitting around bragging about their wonderful kid while I was in the depths of PND hell would have been awful. However, lots of people enjoy such events, so I'm sure you would have lots of interest.

Hi @Crylittlesister this would be for ladies like you, I’m glad you’ve replied. This is why I suggested a councillor being present and maybe the group having a bit of direction as I’d like it to be mental health and physical health focused.

Even though I’d want it to be as relaxed and informal as possible the women would be there because they and others were struggling with possible PTS and PND. Would that have made a difference to how you felt about it.

Sounds a wonderful idea OP yes! What area are you in? £5 and under seems to be the magical number for paying for sessions I think but maybe you could get council help with payment?

Yes, absolutely. I think it would be helpful to make it clear it’s especially aimed at women who finding things difficult or had a difficult birth or something. I avoided baby groups since I assumed everyone there would be these sorted mums whose babies napped and fed.

I do think a lot of mums find it cathartic talking about their experience particularly traumatic birth. But they often don’t do so till years later.

@MamaBearThius

Sounds a wonderful idea OP yes! What area are you in? £5 and under seems to be the magical number for paying for sessions I think but maybe you could get council help with payment?

I’m in the northwest. I did think about funding but I dont want to rely on it as so much funding is getting pulled. I did think around the £5 mark but I worry that some ladies won’t be able to spare it ( as I’ve been there!) on the other hand would £5 cover the costs? I suppose that’s where the LA funding may come in useful!

Thanks for replying!

@minipie

Yes, absolutely. I think it would be helpful to make it clear it’s especially aimed at women who finding things difficult or had a difficult birth or something. I avoided baby groups since I assumed everyone there would be these sorted mums whose babies napped and fed.

I do think a lot of mums find it cathartic talking about their experience particularly traumatic birth. But they often don’t do so till years later.

Totally. I think for me personally if some one would have said ‘ wow are you ok? Your doing too much, how are you feeling as in really feeling it would have made such a difference as I was auto pilot until some one asked me about my birth nine months later. I’d also like to have information on how to access birth notes and how to ask for a debrief on what happened.

I only found out dd2 was back to back when I was seeing my consultant on dd3 and that I was on the verge of needing a blood transfusion. I was given iron tablets but I didn’t take them as they made it difficult to go to the toilet. I was really poorly afterwards but just carried on. I never knew any of that and would have took the iron tablets if I’d known.

I’d had dd1 ‘easy’ ( gas and air) bit dd2 was horrific and it ended up with an emergency section and me having a panic attack on the table and trying to sit up whilst they were inside me, which resulted in me having a GA so they could stitch me up. Woke up with dh crying beside me. Just an awful experience.

So this would be some where to go and I pick what happened during and after birth with good advice on how to deal with it and move forward.

My youngest child is 8 now, but my HV ran a group exactly as you describe. About once a month she did a talk about weaning, or shoes or teething or something. The other weeks, discussion flowed more organically, but HV there io advise. Sometimes all she needed to do was make tea! It was expressly a mother and non-walking baby group. Men were not allowed, so that women were not intimidated about taking about themselves. It was a lovejy group, and (for me) did exactly what it was meant to. DS is 12 next week - one of the women I met there is still my best friend. P

It's a good idea. It can take a while for birth trauma to catch up with you. DS1 was a long labour, EMCS and ending up in HDU.
At first I was relieved that we'd got through it. When DS was about 3 or 4 months old, I was tidying up and picked up the pethadine leafet and felt a surge of raw anger, but I thought it was too late to do anything about it... it came back to bite me in my second pregnancy.

DS2's had his issues, more connected with my continued SPD.

The point that mums get discharged from ante/ postnatal services is often just before the point when you realise that things aren't right, but when battling on with caring for a baby, it's hard to know where to go for support.

Whereabouts in the northwest are you? The group I went to (and still stay in touch with) is Bradford based.

@whoami24601

Whereabouts in the northwest are you? The group I went to (and still stay in touch with) is Bradford based.

Manchester/Warrington.

I think it’s a good idea, dd2 labour was fine but I was poorly after, my placenta was fully retained on the wall of my uterus. I had the most horrendous procedure to get it out, it was brutal. Totally took away from the first few hours with dd And felt horrendous for ages after.

People know about it but I’ve never shared how truly horrendous it was

@BogRollBOGOF

It's a good idea. It can take a while for birth trauma to catch up with you. DS1 was a long labour, EMCS and ending up in HDU. At first I was relieved that we'd got through it. When DS was about 3 or 4 months old, I was tidying up and picked up the pethadine leafet and felt a surge of raw anger, but I thought it was too late to do anything about it... it came back to bite me in my second pregnancy.

DS2's had his issues, more connected with my continued SPD.

The point that mums get discharged from ante/ postnatal services is often just before the point when you realise that things aren't right, but when battling on with caring for a baby, it's hard to know where to go for support.

Totally agree. And yes there is anger attached to it.

Thanks for replying

Have you made contact with any of the charities? Birthright, maternity alliance?
For me the shields went up and I wouldn’t let anyone health care professional in, having been treated badly. I would have gone to an activist, grass roots sort of group.

God, I totally would. I delivered 6 days ago and it was extremely physically traumatic. I'm the type of person to just suck it up usually but I feel completely battered.

@Dogsaresomucheasier

Have you made contact with any of the charities? Birthright, maternity alliance? For me the shields went up and I wouldn’t let anyone health care professional in, having been treated badly. I would have gone to an activist, grass roots sort of group.

Not been in contact with anyone yet. Only google searches of what’s in the area. I’m really sorry you were treated badly by health care professionals. Can I ask why?

@DufferedUp

God, I totally would. I delivered 6 days ago and it was extremely physically traumatic. I'm the type of person to just suck it up usually but I feel completely battered.

I’m sorry your in this way and I’m so glad you replied. Have you got real life support? Have you been asked by any health care professionals how you are recovering? Are you still in pain? Do you know exactly what happened during your birth?

Sorry for all the questions - obviously you don’t have to answer any.

Congratulations on your new baby though