A dad loosing the will to live with feeding times

[Nitramuss2025]

My 18 month old about 3 weeks or so ago decided he didn't want to eat his meals anymore. Before hand he was always a fussy eater, with meal times taking longer than usual to feed him.

Now every single meal is a complete battle , most meals he takes a bottle , just blue milk , he's been off formula for about a week or so.sometimes we don't give him the bottle for a while to see if he eats then end up giving him it after an hour or he just has nothing in his stomach

He won't eat anything he previously liked and when he does it's once in a blue moon.

The books all say to let them pick , or have favourites that they will eat as a backup. None work.

He is quite fond of fruit or was sorry. Now refuses to touch it completly. Wasting a crap tone of food and only nibbling when , for lack of a better word he's forced to eat or he can't leave the table.

He's not at a high chair anymore. He has his own tables and chairs , even when my niece visits she sits there beside him only a few months of a difference wolfing her tea down, as he watches and still don't eat.

He will occasionally eat Coco pops, porridge the odd time, but most of his meals are a variety, so he eats what we eat.

Sandwiches or thins at lunch time , with ham or chicken, with a small side of quavers or fruit all cut up.

Dinners concist of again what we have, chicken , mince, fish , with rice or pasta with veg, carrots and peas and so forth

It's now at the point I'm getting increasingly angry because of this.

Was recommended to try the naughty step and out him back to his dinner after a few mins, didn't work, I don't think he's old enough to recognise what it means.

But now he's developed the no shakey head approach, trying to spoon feed him or hand him something or simply asking him to eat his food is met with a stern face, brows down and a head shake signalling no.

I'm at a complete loss and whilst everyone is telling me it's a stage and it will pass it seems to be getting worse not better.

He's even doing it with chocolate and crisps not that he gets them that often.

He's been teething since he was one and now has about 10 teeth, so I would have assumed it would.make eating easier and he would be game. But no joy

Can anyone help me

It’s a very normal phase. Don’t get angry, don’t be so rigid.
Stop forcing him to sit at the table, it’s completely pointless and you’re only frustrating yourself.
Is he full of energy and seems well? Is he interested in the world around him? If so, then stop stressing.
They’re so active and curious at this age they just aren’t particularly interested in eating. Offer him a variety of foods throughout the day. If he’s hungry he’ll eat.

My DD seemed to go off food a bit at that age. She eats like a horse now!

I think a lot of children change their eating habits and preferences at this age- no idea why but I've come across it a lot.
I wouldn't introduce cocopops, quavers or anything else with no nutrition in it if he's not eating much - anything he does eat needs to be extra nutritious.
It could be taste or texture, or finding other things more interesting than food.
I think I'd give really tiny portions of what everyone else is having ( assuming unsalted and not too spicy) and then offer small amounts of finger food , something healthy he can pick up himself if he fancies it.
He's not being naughty, but I do know how frustrating it can be. Best not to have battles over mealtimes - cut down on milk, give more water, and chat to him while you are all at the table together.

Stop worrying (as others have said).

Give him a few little things on his plate. If he eats them, fine, if he doesn't take him down when he starts looking bored.

I have had 3 dc.
At 18 months dc1 ate everything and anything
At 18 months dc2 ate nothing. The only thing she consistently ate was tinned sweetcorn. Everything else if she loved on day 1 she wouldn't touch by day 3.
At 18 months dc3 ate fruit and veg and almost nothing else.

They're now teens.
Dc1 has a very limited diet, slightly improved by going off to uni and fending for herself.
Dc2 eats everything except cheese.
Dc3 eats everything, but still has a preference for fruit and veg.

My eldest ate horrible baby food jars at that age and yoghurt. And unlimited breast milk.

She's 10 now and eats everything including curries, all the vege etc.

Stop being a weird angry man, give him as much milk as he needs and keep offering food 3 times a day..

At 18 months he shouldn’t need any bottles and I’d probably start with that. Warning him off them altogether and moving towards a cup. He’s likely to drink less, feel less full and need food more.

I wouldn’t worry about the fussiness at this point but keep offering a variety of foods and textures with a (possible) certainty included.

We stopped buying certain foods at times because we knew it was harder to say no (or get caught snaffling!) if it was in the house.

My personal recommendation is to introduce new foods at lunchtime so you’ve still got the evening meal ahead of you to ensure he’ll eat something.

In my experience it’s rare a child simply won’t really eat at all unless there’s something else at play.

Teething, ear or throat infection (which makes swallowing REALLY painful so liquid/very puréed food goes down better), reflux, stomach cramps...

Has he had an upset stomach at the start of this? Think back, it can make them afraid to eat solids and you have to go back a step weaning wise until they rebuild their confidence.

At this time another possibility given that a symptom is loss of sense of smell/taste - covid! Hopefully not but it should possibly be considered?

It could even be a more rare condition, lots take ages until you know 18 months is still tiny, my dd has Eds and had some issues with weaning. I had no idea at this point as she wasn’t dx until she was almost 12. There are still certain foods that she can’t/doesn’t like to eat because they hurt her or make her feel unwell. Several of these are foods which most children love and have to have restricted! So I/we were utterly bewildered for years as to why she didn’t like them!

As frustrating as it is he will not starve himself this gets trotted out all the time in relation to children eating and it’s simply not true.

Being angry with and punishing him is not on, he’s not old enough to be doing this out of “naughtiness”

Also sitting at table to eat for every meal time is a lot of pressure and really really boring for a toddler! At this stage the food was on the table for dd but she was allowed to eat a bit, go play for a bit, then come back and eat some more etc and she ate fairly well this way.

They also still have small stomachs so expecting them to eat 3 times a day the majority of their food is unrealistic. Also check your idea of portion control, I went through a stage of being annoyed with dd when she was older for “not eating enough” but I was overweight and on meds that increase appetite and had made the mistake of serving portion sizes that I should have been eating and I was eating double! It was a gradual thing is why I hadn’t realised. As soon as I knew I adjusted and apologised to dd.

You may find it illuminating to keep a food diary of what he's eating and how much - you might be surprised to learn he's eating more than you thought.

A friend of mine was really worried about her Ds at one point and thought he wasn't eating and was also worried that he was eating too much "rubbish", hv had her do a diary and he was eating more than she thought and plenty for his age and size and the hv also pointed out ok he's having chocolate and fruit and bread but that's ok, there's nutrition in those things even if his diet wasn't ideal at this time it wasn't dreadful. Even chocolate contains calcium and iron etc.

Right enough the phase didn't last long and he went on to eating a healthier diet and continuing to be a healthy child.

We worry so much at these times, yet I promise you in 20 years you'll look back and shake your head at your past self!

Not least because the little bugger will likely be giving you worse stuff to worry about at that point

I have three DC, all great eaters, and they ALL went through a fussy stage at this age. It's a power thing - he's suddenly learnt that he has the option of saying no, and that he gets an emotional response from you when he does.

Take the power away. Put some food on the table and act like you don't care if he eats it or not.

Good luck OP. I know it's hard!

We have similar battles with 19m old. I've started mixing up where we eat and how I present it. We sit at his little toddler table for lunch and share a plate together with pitta, cucumber, cheese, fruit, yoghurt.

Tea time we start at the table. He rarely wants to eat at this stage and he looks deeply suspicious. I then move him away from table while we sit and have a chat, maybe put Disney on and he happily sits and munchs when the pressure is off I think.

It seems a bit of trial and error. I keep trying to follow the advice others have said up thread about positive affirmation but ignoring if he doesn't eat it.

It's a very normal stage of development.
Frustrating, but don't be angry and punishment really isn't necessary.
Lots of good advice on here. Get him checked for any physiological issues - like thrush or ear infections.
Keep mealtimes simple and don't expect too much. Little kids don't need huge amounts of calories. Keep it simple and try not to stress.

There's an episode of Toddlers Behaving Very Badly tv show that covers this exact problem.

The "super nanny" women approached it exactly how previous posters have suggested. Sit child at table, family all get their food, ignore child and just praise if they start eating. It worked after a small time.

It was on channel 5. Season 1 episode 3

www.channel5.com/show/toddlers-behaving-very-badly/

Read this it will really help save you sanity!

I can only tell you what works for me. Some of my strategies aren’t exactly good parenting I’m afraid.

-Ipad. It’s a distraction and encourages him to sit still. Often he sits with his plate untouched for 20 minutes before he decides to eat.

-Dont force him to sit. Let him leave the table if he wants. Let him come back.

-Sit at the table. Involve him. Talk to him. Post bits in his mouth. My child would never eat if he was sitting at his own table by himself.

-Toy (a plastic one that’s easy to wash). Yum yum, one spoonful for Mr Dinosaur, one for you. He’s been known to lick food out of Mr Dinosaur’s mouth.

-Encouragement and role play. Here’s your dinner little cat (he loves our cat). Yummy, cats love broccoli! Miaow miaow! Eat your broccoli! Sometimes he won’t eat unless he can see the cat is also having her dinner.

-Chocolate. Sometimes eating a couple of chocolate buttons gets him in an eating mood, and when he finishes the chocolate he eats his chicken and rice etc.

-Small portions to avoid waste. If he eats it I give him some more.

-Birds Eye waffles as a last resort. You can cook them in the toaster in five minutes.

Ah OP we've all been there. He will get there.

Make sure that you absolutely don't make meal times stressful, it will give him a complex about eating. Those are really hard to undo. If he doesn't want to eat, don't push it.

There was a fine line between not hungry yet and too hungry to behave like a human for one of mine! Was a, in hindsight, ridiculous balancing act of not letting him get too hungry or he couldnt behave and not filling up on snacks so he wasnt hungry at all. Too hungry resulted in disaster at meal times.
It's probably a phase. Too little to be able to explain it to you and distressed at being treated as naughty too, I imagine.

Mine was a very fussy eater - would refuse all kinds, even things previously eaten / liked but a year on has good appetite and now eats a wide variety of foods

Don’t make it a battle, the stress won’t help anyone. My advice would be not to react either way - food on table. If refused / uneaten and just bin when you’ve finished eating. I never used to offer alternatives but I would say offer a bigger afternoon snack if lunch hadn’t been eaten, or a supper if tea hadn’t been eaten

Offer very small portions. I think my DS was over faced sometimes so would be better with small portions which I could always add to, or if uneaten there wasn’t a lot of waste

Teething could be part of it. My DS went through several phases of refusing different foods and I think it was linked to teething as certain textures were refused (which I think just have been difficult to eat with sore or tender gums)

Like pps have said if the favourites / treats aren’t being eaten get checked out by docs. At my DS worst he would always eat cereal and yoghurts so they were my fall backs if he’d not eaten a lot else that day

Toddlers do regulate their eating and won’t starve. Sometimes now DS doesn’t eat a lot one day but will eat like a horse the next. Keep a food diary over a week to see a fuller view

It will pass and it is a phase. It’s incredibly frustrating but think it’s your job to provide the food, they’re choice to eat, and they will eat when they need to

Thank you to everyone who took the time to give some really solid and helpful advice. Ive bought the book to have a read and tomorrow ill be changing everything up (the bottles went in the bin after he went to his bed tonight)

I have to say posting on here has been both a double edged sword. Im more than open to feedback as i came here looking for help because what i was trying just wasnt working.

Im by no means a perfect parent, nor could tell you every fact about every stage of development (although polishing up on some parts defo couldnt hurt). Im just trying to do my best.

Thank you

If it were me I would put him back in a high chair. Then I would offer a food that he used to like. Stop milk through the day. Don’t fuss over the food but sit, eat with him and talk to him. Allow a reasonable amount of time for a meal and at the end of that time, no more than 20-30 minutes (depending on how it’s going), take the food away unless he’s still eating. Though I would be tempted to remove it slightly quicker if he’s not engaged at all and offer a second course of fruit, raw veggies or cheese chunks, yoghurt etc. At that age I found mine ate better with finger foods, one particularly liked foods she could dip (still does at 10!)

Most of all no stress and no milk through the day.

nitra there's some really good advice on mumsnet but because some people can let out unpleasant sides of themselves they wouldn't face to face, people can be, well, horrid. People are a mixed bunch.

Ignore the meanness and take the good advice. Good luck :)

He is saving his life!!!

Well, not really. But it is apparently (sorry, cannot remember where heard/read it) natural selection. At this age they start being way more mobile and a "fear" of eating is what saves toddlers lives. Rather than putting anything/everything in their mouths without question he is starting to be wary. Back in the old cave days, those toddling around exploring and still eating everything would eat poisonous berries/bugs etc and die. Those who were wary would not......

So his range of foods will drastically reduce.

Do not fight it.

Keep offering a wide range of food, but just make sure he always has something he will eat - even if it is a handful of cheerios on the side of a plate of scrambled egg. Or work out a "Condiment/Topper" that he likes. With DD it was grated cheese. If she started to /totally refused something I said "Well I am not surprised, I forgot to put the cheese on, no wonder you won't eat it" sprinkled some cheese on and she would then eat some. It didn't always work.

Eventually he will widen his repertoire again.

My ds was very fussy. With hindsight we did everything g wrong: rarely ate as a family, made it a big issue, failed to spot that he had a very small appetite, bribed him to eat with all the wrong foods, and were too naive to know that his acute sense of taste and smell were consistent with him just nudging the fringes of ASD. He is now 30, still a relatively fussy eater but has found what he likes for himself, and is happy healthy and generally fine.

So same advice as most above - chill, let him eat what you eat, let him feel safe around food, Don’t make a drama out of trying different foods, and don’t panic. It’s irritating but save your powder for the teenage years.

No judgement from me a lot of my advice comes from not always getting it right first time myself.
Asking for advice shows you have your child's interest at heart. Don't take any perceived criticism too seriously.

I just want to add that i sympathise completely, DS at 18months just threw all his food on the floor, drove me bonkers!

The most helpful to me, was acknowledging that it was my job to provide food and his job to eat it. So I didn’t feel like I was failing him.
Secondly, i was told to look at what he eats over a week, not a day, and then i could see he was eating some of the food!

I also second what others have said about no punishments (or rewards) with mealtimes. We always provided food he liked and some new things to try with no demands that he must eat it all etc.

I also realised that he is more of a breakfast person, and by the evening he was a bit too tired to eat much, and he loved his bottle too :) we didn’t stop his evening bottle until around 18months i think.

Teething caused all kinds of trouble too, sometimes a nice cold cucumber / carrot stick to chew on would help, or some ice cream (frozen bananas blended makes great ice cream!).

Slowly his eating improved. He is now 3 and a relatively good eater, he will try most things!

Good luck with it!

I just want to reiterate that you should not praise him for eating, any more than you would for drinking. His body will tell him what he needs to eat and you need to let him learn to him to listen to that. It's what will help him to have a healthy relationship with food in the future.

Whatever you do, don't attempt to put food into his mouth for him.

Agree with PPs, check with doctors in case of ear/throat pain but other than that just enjoy your meals and leave him to it. Make sure he's eating with you at the table not alone, and definitely drop the bottle as it will damage his teeth and hes far too old at 18m to need it. And read Getting the little blighters to eat. Good luck!

My DS went through a stage like this and it lasted longer than it should have because my DH got stressed out by it. Every meal that DH was present at would end with DH trying to make DS take 5 more bites. No matter how much or little DS ate it was still '5 more bites' so DS started to refuse food earlier in the meal, which was logical from his point of view. Then he was refusing to start the meal. DH is Indian origin and they tend to hand feed their children until later than we would, and also try to stuff them full. DS ate reasonably well with me and at nursery. I did try to tell DH that he was fuelling the lack of eating but he was so stressed out that he screamed in my face "Your child is starving in front of you and you don't even care". At least you're receptive to advice.

When I was eating with DS I'd give him a small portion of something bland, half a slice of bread and a couple of grapes or something. I would sit near him with a full plate and visibly enjoy eating my food. If he showed interest in anything I'd ask him if he wanted a bit. Then I'd give him a small amount and he knew he could ask for more if he liked it. He much preferred eating bits from my plate than having a dauntingly full plate in front of him.

In the end the thing that solved it forever was adopting DD. DH focussed on her because she was younger, so DS wasn't under any pressure and ate fine. DH kept trying to feed DD but she was 14 months when we got her and she loved her food and so she would forcefully shove his hand away if he put it anywhere near her plate.