Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

I'm not sure I can do this again

6 replies

DebbieFiderer · 04/09/2020 08:04

DH has hurt his back. Again. He's had problems with it many times over the last 10 years or so - a prolapsed disc that has episodes of being OK and then he jars it somehow and he is in agony for weeks or months until it resolves itself. Its been fine for quite a while (a couple of years possibly) but he slipped on a spillage at work this week and it may have gone again - he landed awkwardly, hurting his knee, hip and back, at first we hoped it was just normal aches from a fall but 2 days on and he can still barely walk, having sciatica type pains down that side which is starting to point towards him having thrown his back out properly again.

The problem is, he also suffers from depression, and has done so for even longer than he has had back problems (takes a high dose of venaflaxine so not mild depression) and is also on thin ice with work due to sickness (takes about 3 periods of sickness per year, some to do with injuries, some to do with man flu). Back in March he was off for a week with a heavy cold (not quite the right symptoms for Covid but nearly) and in normal times it would have triggered his second disciplinary for sickness absence but as it was just around the time of lockdown they let it slide.

So now he is in pain, worried about losing his job, and depressed about both those things. We've been here before and this depression will last for weeks. He won't do anything about either the pain or the depression because 'what's the point, nothing will help, I've tried it all before', he will end up signed off sick for weeks or months, not helping his cause at work, and I will have to pick up all the slack, both practically in terms of housework, and emotionally in terms of supporting him. I try to be patient and understanding but it's just so damned frustrating!

OP posts:
DebbieFiderer · 04/09/2020 08:06

I've also got quite a serious issue at work at the moment, an incident which is being investigated by an outside agency, and that is causing me a lot of anxiety, but he won't have any emotional energy left to support me so I am on my own with it.

OP posts:
HoneysuckIejasmine · 04/09/2020 08:35

Regarding work - this is an injury sustained at work. They should not be thinking of disciplinary actions, they should be grateful he's not taking legal action.

Otherwise, he needs to see a doctor.

BF2748 · 04/09/2020 08:39

The key is to focus on solutions. If he slipped at work I presume it’s been reported to them and they’d be aware of injuries. The could be held liable if that spillage didn’t hVe health and safety signage around to inform there’s liquid on the floor. It would be best if he went to the doctors and maybe to an osteopath to look at what treatments can be done.

In terms of the mental health side it’s hard when people have depression as for some it easily triggered into a down moment. Again speak to the doctors can he enroll in some kind of speaking therapy and ask his doctor to refer him? They often provide information for things to be done online and the actual therapy/treatment can be done via the phone.

Remember when it’s proactive solutions it does take the unnecessary what it’s out of things and thing will get easier.

As for yourself make sure you don’t take away from your own needs in order to support him first. You’ve got to look after yourself otherwise there will be nothing left to support him with. Is there somebody you can talk to? Establish your own support network and if you too need to refer to MH team to deal with the anxiety then absolutely do it.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

DebbieFiderer · 04/09/2020 09:11

Well things are looking up today - his mood is better, plus he's not in so much pain. Fingers crossed it's not a long term thing and he will be back at work on Monday.

I am all about the practical solutions BF2478, but unfortunately he isn't. When he's in that kind of mood anything I suggest just gets shot down or met with a non-committal response. He won't ever do anything to help himself and it can be really wearing.

And yes, I agree, work should not be looking to discipline him for this, and if they do suggest he might lose his job I will be straight in with getting legal advice. But me knowing/saying that doesn't change his anxiety about it.

OP posts:
AriettyHomily · 04/09/2020 09:12

Has it been properly logged at work?

DebbieFiderer · 04/09/2020 09:23

He says it wasn't put in the accident book at the time but will be when he goes back. He left hist shift early because of it so they are definitely aware of what happened

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page