Living with regret

[fillmeupbuttercup]

I recently had to make a big life changing decision.... there was only 2 options. I didn't know the full ins and outs of each before I had to make it. This was a few weeks ago.... I now know I made the wrong decision and there is absolutely no chance to go back on it.

It's already made a huge impact on my life and is going to get worse / harder still. I keep trying to tell myself everything happens for a reason but at the moment I just can't see what that reason could be!

I feel like such an idiot and live everyday feeling sick to my stomach that I've done the wrong thing and there's nothing I can do about it.

Sorry this is so vague, it's hard to give more information without exposing myself too much.

I'm just wondering how do you get over this awful feeling?? It's been over a month and I feel worse every day, it's eating me up

You didn’t have all the info and still don’t. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You can’t predict the future, so u just have to carry on doing your best.

I have experienced regret like that too, it's awful.

The thing us, regret is a complete waste of your time and energy. You just need to let go of the past, it's in the present you're in. Try to put all that energy into addressing the issues you're facing now. You can still improve things now and in the future by doing that, and who knows how things will work out down the line? Whereas focusing on the past will help you none.

Easier said than done, I know.

Sorry it's such a late reply but Thankyou for these responses both very helpful. It's still eating me up daily I don't quite know how to get over it. Seriously thinking that maybe I need some form of counselling as it's consuming 95% of my thoughts and getting me really down. I know I need to move on but can't quite do it. Gosh it's awful, never felt anything like this!

Please don't beat yourself up.
I found this blog really helpful
www-huffpost-com.cdn.ampproject.org/v/s/www.huffpost.com/entry/dealing-with-regret_b_2265065/amp?amp_js_v=a6&amp_gsa=1&usqp=mq331AQFKAGwASA%3D#aoh=16036603832553&referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com&amp_tf=From%20%251%24s&ampshare=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.huffpost.com%2Fentry%2Fdealing-with-regret_b_2265065

That sounds really hard, OP. I really sympathise with you - I'm prone to over-analysing things in general and find it very difficult to get over what I judge to be poor choices, even trivial ones. I too am struggling with a significant regret - this time two years ago we had to make a major relocation at the same time as suffering a bereavement and looking back we made the wrong choice because I just wasn't thinking clearly. The hardest part is that a different choice would have meant a much better school for the DC, and so I am dealing with guilt over that and still dwell on it daily.

As time goes by and small, good things happen I remind myself that these things wouldn't have happened if we had have made a different decision, and that I can never know for certain that something wouldn't have been wrong with the other choice.

If it has only been a month then that is still very recent and raw. Be kind to yourself and give yourself more time to adapt to your new situation.

There's no way you can possibly know that the other option wouldn't have worse.

Sorry but I disagree with the notion of 'everything happening for a reason'. That implies you have no control over your life - you do. It might feel like you don't always have much of a choice or good options to choose from, but you made a decision based on what you knew at the time and how you move forwards is certainly your choice. Focus on making the best of things, try not to get sucked into a useless vortex of regret on which you imagine how things would have been had you chosen differently. There's no guarantee things would have panned out any better or something disastrous and unplanned might have occurred.

Wow that HuffPost link is spot on. Thankyou! I think I need to save that to my phone and read it when I'm wobbling!!

You're right about 'everything happening for a reason' I'm not sure I believe it either but it's what everyone keeps saying to me!

Sorry to those that have experienced regret on this level too - its a hard place to be. Xx

OP all I would add to this is that you made a decision based on what you knew at the time, and that you did the right thing.

Looking back is a waste of time and energy. Concentrate on making your situation as good as it can be now.

I have lots of regrets big and small, Op. You made the decision you thought was best with the information you had at the time. That’s all any of us can do.

It’s true that you don’t know how the other decision would pan out. There’s a ripple effect from the decisions you make, and this will ripple into your future too with maybe some better outcomes.
You just don’t know yet.