Your funny/mad/ridiculous childbirth & newborn stories?

[TeddyIsaHe]

I love reading about people’s births (I am weird yes) and the early days when everything is a bit bananas.

Was just putting Dd to bed and remembered how I used to read newborn Dd a story every night (for 3 weeks) because I thought it would be enriching. She was hours old ffs

And in Labour with a walking epidural, saying to the midwife about 10 times: OOH!! My waters have gone! And being told every time that no, I’d just pissed myself. Good times!

I had DD2 on the kitchen floor, she came so quickly I physically couldn’t get in the car. She nearly got named after a paramedic.

Another quick one here. Waters broke at home with no other warnings beforehand. Got to the hospital 40 mins later and she was born within 10 mins of getting in the door.
On the way however, I really wanted to push and husband thought he would have to stop the car, but we were driving through a really rough bit of town, but all I could think was that I would be ok if I wanted any drugs!
At the hospital they gave me gas and air but the bottle was empty and there was no time to get another.
Also aNother midwife popped in the room to see how I was getting on and was very surprised to see I had my bab already!

A large group of nervous-looking student doctors filing in to watch. Same large group of even more nervous-looking student doctors being led back out when I stopped pushing and DD refused to come out. The consultant with one leg on my chair, grunting with the effort of the ventouse.

Same large group of nervous-looking student doctors being led over to my bed after the birth. Me asking "So is a third degree tear worse than first degree?" One of the male student doctors snorting before replying "God yeah." Female student doctor and clearly star pupil interjecting with some sort of reassuring flannel about how quickly everything would heal and then looking at the consultant triumphantly, who nodded approvingly. Think I preferred the brutal but honest response of the (now crestfallen looking) male student doctor!

I went in and was only 3cm but contractions were every 2 mins, an hour or so later I felt like I was ready to push, DP (who had just woken up as the midwife told him to sleep as it would be a long night!!) told me not to be daft, i'll be fine they've just checked me. Midwife came in not long after and I was 8cm, 10 mins later I was fully dilated and pushing. Baby got stuck and I had to 'hold in my pushes' whilst they moved me to the other side of the hospital. How do you hold pushes in?!! Was glad to get rid of that midwife and get a new one on labour ward

Oh and I also shit myself 3 times whilst pushing, DP and midwife tried to be encouraging and told me I hadn't but I could smell it🤣🤣