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Original poster

Ds, Y11, due back to School on Mon with no Plan for MH issues

18 replies

52andblue · 03/09/2020 14:37

My ds is nearly 16, going into Y11
He has Autism, Anxiety and Dyslexia, (all diagnosed but no EHCp)
He is at an Academy school and is badly bullied (school try to help but it's ineffective - he would be bullied anywhere though and recently told Caamhs he feels 'afraid at least 80% of the time') His autistic tics have developed into spasms so bad he was sent by a Consultant who thought it was Myoclonic epilepsy for an EEG. It looks like it isn't epilepsy but still leaves him with a problem as it is quite severe and very much worsened by School attendance.
We are due to see Consultant about this on 15th, and his Psych on 10th. (he recently had a MH crisis and was hospitalised 7 days ago due to bullying on his phone - the other kid involved is in his class)

He is due into school on Monday with no Plan in place but I'm worried about his MH. I'd rather he took this year as a home ed year (he'll have more chance of passing exams anyway as the school is in SM) but he really wants to 'go to school and be normal'. He IS normal, he is amazing actually, bright kind funny but yes, a bit different and he gets incredibly exhausted and chewed up dealing with life at school.

I may have a chance for a meeting with school tomorrow:

What would you be asking them, in my shoes please?

OP posts:

thaegumathteth · 03/09/2020 14:40

I'm sorry if this is no use but I think what I'd do is contact some home schooling groups? See what opportunities there'd be for socialising? (difficult just now isn't it?) maybe he doesn't realise there'd be some options other than just being sat at home?

Original poster

52andblue · 03/09/2020 14:49

@thaegumathtethnks
I honestly think that would be best for this next year but he's adamant

OP posts:

Original poster

52andblue · 03/09/2020 14:55

(sorry) he wants to go to school.
He thinks home ed is like 'lockdown' where school sent home acres of stuff and there was no feedback or marking and he got very stressed and Psych told him to have a break. We are rather isolated for home ed so it wouldn't be easy but he seems fixed against it.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

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16 year olds General education Secondary education SEN

mumonthehill · 03/09/2020 14:59

I would have a good think about how the school has handled the bullying so far, it is worrying that he feels scared so much of the time. Have you been happy about the action taken, what could have been done differently. What do the school have in place for him when he returns, does he have a safe place to go, will he have a teacher who will support him, what would happen if there was an incident of bullying. Also does he have a friendship group at school? If the school cannot keep him safe and support his mental health then it may be time to consider other options. They have a duty of care.

CulturallyAppropriatedName · 03/09/2020 15:00

Ask if he might meet criteria for hospital school in your LA?
Many areas have a hospital school which a up can attend without needing an EHCP. They remain on roll at their m/s school. Often a camhs referral is needed to access these setting but not always. They tend to be mental health focused.

ChicCroissant · 03/09/2020 15:04

If you know that what he wants to do is really not the best thing for him, OP, I think it's time for you to say no and look for alternative provision. Is there a reason he doesn't have an EHCP?

Original poster

52andblue · 03/09/2020 15:31

He doesn't have a friendship group no.
The child who bullied him on his phone has been used by school as his unofficial carer - 'oh, she's so good with him when he's having an episode' - only the episodes always happen around her and she's sending him messages that he isn;t getting better fast enough and she's sick of him. She has also called him spaz, mong, crip etc in the past. But he is very loyal to her as she used to be his 'girlfriend' (her idea). She is a person who creates drama then swoops in to 'rescue'. She is 15, and has her own issues tbf so I don't know how aware of any of this she is, but its a toxic situation.Caamhs have said they think the situation is 'abusive' but school suggested I speak to her Dad (er, no, she is his princess and he has a fast temper)

I just feel very concerned about him going back before either specialist Dr has given an opinion about his MH and what support can be offered He is having phone calls with Caamhs but I dont know if that is enough to get him through this

OP posts:

Sara2000 · 03/09/2020 15:37

Apply for an EHC needs assessment yourself if the school wont do it. An EHCP would give him access to the right school; small class sizes with a peer group who understand him and teachers trained to recognise what he needs as well as therapeutic support to help his anxiety. If you feel he is too unwell to be at school then the LA still have to provide an education which can sometimes include 'medical tuition ' at home. Have a look at the IPSEA website for details about 'alterntiave provision'.

Original poster

52andblue · 03/09/2020 15:50

Yes, think the EHCp needs re-applying for.

I'd like to support him to return to school as this what he wants.
I think a fresh start somewhere new might be better now (as he has no friends, is not making progress academically, and it's a long trek there too which is tiring plus other child is also on the public bus)
but of course change is hard for him too & he tends to avoid if poss.
I'm just (understandably I guess) worried about him right now.

I want to be sure I am asking school the right Qu's if I get chance:

I thought:
who is named staff (a, b, c?) person who'd have responsibility for him if he has an attack?
where can he go as a 'safe place'?
if he can have a phased return?
I guess if the answers are NO, or very vague then I might need to think again about him returning.

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m4d0 · 03/09/2020 16:01

Is there any other school option? I taught in a school that had a specific unit for children with Autism, sine were taught in the provision others went to classes but they mostly all had one on one TA support but could also integrate in main stream lessons would solve the bullying issue but also mean he feels part of school

m4d0 · 03/09/2020 16:04

You need to speak to the SEN lead for your school as they should have provisions in place plus sounds like they need to apply for the EHCP again though I am by no means an expert just from experience I have had in the classroom

Original poster

52andblue · 03/09/2020 16:49

I have just had a short call with them and they are trying to help.
They have said he can be signed off until we have seen the two Drs.(by the 16th)
Then he can have a phased return if necess.
but, when he is back there is no permanent place he can go and the member of staff avail for him would change each hour so no particular person he could access. My contact point would be his head of year (who neither he or I know so far).
I think they are being flexible re his return but nothing sounds v diff once he is back so it might just dip again? (and no plan in place re bullying / social support though I don't know how much they can do for teens anyway?)

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itsgettingweird · 03/09/2020 17:01

I would look at local HE Facebook groups. It's a huge scene and likely more so this year due to current climes. Perhaps if you find a vibrant HE scene he'll see a new normal?

If he really wants to be in school then ask them for specifics.

Who can he talk to - he needs a mentor. Someone he has regular contact with perhaps at first beginning middle and end of day.
Know he can contact mentor at anytime of day.
Space he can access if he's overwhelmed with a timeout card to leave if he needs to.

Also to know what's happening. So if children bully him they need to tell him they've spoken to them. My own son is autistic and it's a huge thing being told what's happened because that knowing isn't natural.

Ask school to be aware of seating plans. Tell them which children he cannot sit with and why. He shouldn't have to sit next to a child who won't accept him for who he is. My ds found plenty of children have him no hassle and teachers took time to figure this out and make sure the instigators were not even in reach of him (other side of classroom)

The biggest thing is letting school know he needs to know they are on his side. That they don't condone the behaviour and will do everything they can to make him feel comfortable.

itsgettingweird · 03/09/2020 17:02

Don't accept they can't provide it. They have to provide it. And if they can't then they have to apply for EHCP or you can do it yourself. Make sure it's in writing they cannot provide what he needs.

Sara2000 · 03/09/2020 18:14

You need to look up and read the SEN code of practice so you know what the school should be doing. Getting one of their peers to look after a child with needs as not adequate provision and is unfair on both young people .

Original poster

52andblue · 03/09/2020 18:22

they have tried to help re the bullying tbf
he often doesnt know who it is / cannot describe them (he is not good with faces / names) and is too afraid to anyway - they WILL 'get him later' (it is a very rough school the staff try hard but its a bit of a jungle)
He gets 'jumped' a lot, and called names, and it makes him spasm and that perpetuates it. He told Caamhs he feels vulnerable all the time :(

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itsgettingweird · 03/09/2020 19:40

So he gets to leave lessons 5 minutes earlier. I'm surprised they haven't suggested this as it's pretty standard. Especially for children who feel unsafe in crowds.

It shouldn't be a solution or rather alternative to sorting bullying but if som leaves 9.55 from a 10am lesson and is at next class as they end - he goes in and is always either known to be alone or a teacher is there.

At break/lunch a staff member is assigned to be near classroom at end of lesson. Safe distance so he doesn't feel like he has a minder off that bothers him. And they watch from a safe distance. When they see something the teacher / ta steps in.

Original poster

52andblue · 03/09/2020 20:53

Thanks, @itsgettingweird, that's a really good suggestion.

it's an old site with 8 different blocks so there are many places for bullies to hide and its really difficult for staff to monitor everywhere but they say he is 'vulnerable' but don't seem to do much? He will have his younger sibling with him for the first time in 2 years (but also ASD) but not much year group mixing atm I think

OP posts:

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