Baby due soon - not excited just overwhelmed - advice or positivity please

[roarfeckingroarr]

DP and I are expecting our first baby in October and I can't seem to get excited, only overwhelmed and full of fear that I won't like my new life.

I've never been particularly maternal but always wanted kids "in the future". Well, the future is nearly here, and I am worried I'm going to lose all the bits of my life I love - freedom, friends, nights out, travelling, my career in the short term while on mat leave - and regret having the baby.

I generally dislike social media for exactly this reason, but I'm seeing women in ante-natal groups talking about how excited they are about "newborn snuggles" and I just can't relate. From antenatal classes, I'm expecting to come straight out of the pain and exhaustion of birth to three months of v little sleep, sore nipples, sore everything etc. I can't seem to imagine the good bits because the baby is still so abstract despite the constant kicks in the ribs.

I did go through months of being excited, and I have a loving fiancé who intends to be very hands on, so why am I not happy? I know I should be and I am grateful for a straight forward pregnancy so far with a (hopefully) healthy baby at the end, but I just can't feel joy or excitement. I'm only really excited about not needing to wee every five minutes and being able to have a proper glass of wine. Which is just awful to say.

I don't know what I'm asking for really but any advice or positive parts of having babies would be really appreciated.

I think this is natural, at least, I also felt the same as the time grew nearer. At times thinking awful things were going to happen and that I wouldn’t be that bothered. When they’re here the body just takes over and suddenly this tiny human is yours to protect and you just do.

I became less and less excited As the months went on through pregnancy, then he was flopped on my chest after a 3 day labour and I still wasn’t what I had heard others describe as warm and fuzzy. It doesn’t always happen that way, please don’t compare your pregnancy and journey will be unique.

Now almost 3 months in and he’s my little side kick, I don’t want to be without him to do things that you call ‘freedom’. I watch him sleep sometimes because I just can’t get enough.

freedom, friends, nights out, travelling, my career in the short term

Friends - the gooduns will stay.
Nights out - I don’t feel like I need Them now. I’m tired and want to cuddle my baby.
Travelling - same as before just with more stuff, hope you have a large boot!
Career - take the keeping in touch days one a month or something to keep your sanity. I do feel like my brain is withering away just changing nappies. Learn something new whilst you’re off?

This is completely normal and certainly how I felt. I wasn’t excited, just counting down the days until my life changed and I’d be responsible for a baby. I’d had a miscarriage as well, so the baby was very much wanted. I think it’s normal to be apprehensive and sensible. Your life will change, you’re going into it thinking seriously and practically, not just for a cuddles (which you will miss when they get bigger!)

My LO is nearly a year old now and I also didn’t get the rush of love everyone talks about. I didn’t feel anxious, I cared about her, I just wasn’t in love straight away. But it grew and within 3 months I adored her. We’re all different and some mums take to it quicker than others.
You do miss the freedom but it adds a depth to your life that you didn’t appreciate before. I think you appreciate the small things more after a baby, and you revel in watching them grow and learn new things.
Please don’t worry, it’ll come. Be kind to yourself and just enjoy the next few weeks as much as you can xx

I absolutely had this with my first. Very understandable, it is an overwhelming time. My DH and I had very full lives pre kids so I was worried about it turning upside down.

My DD is absolutely the best thing to happen to us though. I don’t love every second of parenting (currently potty training!) but I love a lot of it. My DD at 2.5 is hilarious, she says and does the funniest things. She’s so much fun to be with. Our social lives have expanded, and yes we have less time for hobbies, but we make sure we both still have time for them every week so we retain a sense of our old selves.

Good luck!

It’s normal. You know the baby will be a huge change so naturally you’re anxious about that, as are the majority of first time parents. It’s a myth that all mums feel the overwhelming rush of love for their baby, sometimes it takes a while to come and that’s normal too. When the baby is born those fears will calm down, it’s usually the not knowing what to expect that triggers this. Just take each day at a time, it’ll come to you and you’ll be so happy when you have your baby in your arms

Thank you. I spoke to my dad and he said it's totally normal. I wish I was feeling more joyous and less achey, full and apprehensive !