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Mother in law issues

11 replies

alexis18 · 01/09/2020 12:19

Me and my partner have been together 10 years and have a 1 year old son . From the day my son was born my MIL has found any little issue and problem with anything I do she’s so dismissive and always talks over whenever I try to talk or have a normal adult conversation . It’s getting to a point where it is unbearable to even be around her but I have to for the sake of my son I don’t want him to pick up that i can’t stand is grandmother no matter how dismissive or rude she is to me . I used to have the put up and shut it mentality towards it because as my partner said ‘ that’s just what his mum is like she’s like it with her own daughter ‘ but im sick of it now . I found myself recently matching her rudeness towards me and ignoring her when she speaks over me . Can anyone relate to this i feel like talking to a brick wall when it comes to how rude and dismissive she is and may I add she is the biggest narcissistic woman I’ve ever met , any advice would be welcomed

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 01/09/2020 12:24

No child needs a grandparent more than they need a happy relaxed parent. You don’t have to put up with her and her rude behaviour for the sake of your son. Would you stand for this from anyone else? A one year old may not pick up on how disrespectful she is to you but it won’t be long before he does. Don’t do this to yourself. He’s your son, it’s your time you’re currently wasting being dismissed and insulted.

How many of these meet ups are arranged by your partner and how many by you?

If she chooses not to behave I’d choose not to see her.

42daystogo · 01/09/2020 14:28

Same situation, She is the same with DH. I decided low contact, DC goes to hers twice a week, DH will do pick ups/drop offs unless he has to work so i will do them, i make them short and sweet, no deep conversations then go. Other than that i have no contact with her, we used to text, i would send pictures of DC etc but slowly lowered contact and dont need the drama

Alpacinoseyes · 01/09/2020 16:34

Anne that's so true, and almost like a knife in my heart, Mil had hounded me for years and whilst we don't see her now, it's made me a miserable mother so much of the time.
Society needs to sort this out, instead we get people like Esther rantsen talking about gp as if they are all wonderful Disney grandparents!!

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mbosnz · 01/09/2020 16:57

I'd be saying to DH, 'well here's the thing, the way I am, I am not prepared to tolerate anyone being rude to me, and that includes your bitch of a mother. So she's going to be told, when she's rude, and she's also going to be told, if she's at our house that she can leave, and she can come back when she's able and prepared to behave like a mature adult human being who has been taught their manners, and is going to use them. Each and every time. And believe me, if it comes down to a competition between who can make your life most uncomfortable, guaranteed it will be your wife who lives with you 24/7, so you might want to pick whose corner you are in for this very carefully.'

billy1966 · 01/09/2020 17:56

@mbosnz

I'd be saying to DH, 'well here's the thing, the way I am, I am not prepared to tolerate anyone being rude to me, and that includes your bitch of a mother. So she's going to be told, when she's rude, and she's also going to be told, if she's at our house that she can leave, and she can come back when she's able and prepared to behave like a mature adult human being who has been taught their manners, and is going to use them. Each and every time. And believe me, if it comes down to a competition between who can make your life most uncomfortable, guaranteed it will be your wife who lives with you 24/7, so you might want to pick whose corner you are in for this very carefully.'
This. Word for word.

I also don't believe a person, anyone, treating a child's mother like shit in front of it, is in the childs best interests.

In our family we treat and speak to each other with respect..(most of the time!)...
Why would I want my children seeing me being spoken to, like that?

An appalling example to a child.

It's bizarre OP, that you defend her rights to such a degree? 🤷‍♀️

Far better that you reflect on the example you want your child set...
Flowers

billy1966 · 01/09/2020 17:58

Oh and your partner sounds really weak andspineless

So unattractive in a man.
Flowers

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/09/2020 18:15

Sorry if I upset you Alpacinoseyes Flowers

Glad you’re free of her now.

I had a toxic grandmother and it hurt so much seeing her drip poison onto my darling mum. The relief when she died was immense. Not a socially acceptable thing to say I realise but my tears were for my mum and the unhappy life her parents gave her, the torrent of awfulness that cascaded down the generations and the mum my own deserved but never got.

DH parents are from exactly the same cloth and we’re NC. They’re toxic, dysfunctional, manipulative, unhinged tbh and they’re not getting within seeing distance of our child. She’s blessed with wonderful grandparents on my side who adore her and who love, admire, respect and are kind to DH and me. But even if I didn’t have them or they were awful we’d have nothing to do with DH’s side.

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 01/09/2020 18:53

I'm another one who thinks that the grandparent relationship isn't something to be preserved at all costs. It can be an amazing thing, but only when the GPS aren't making the parents life a misery.
Your children will look to you for guidance - how can you teach them to have self respect and to stand up for themselves, if they see you tolerating this from their gran?

Nissandriver · 01/09/2020 19:06

Exactly as mbosnz said it!

eeyore228 · 01/09/2020 19:15

My MIL, I thought was ok...until we lived with her temporarily. From day one the way she treated her own son was appalling, there was a lot of background history to their relationship which she had basically held a grudge over - despite never mentioning it. If anything went wrong she blamed my DH. My DH had a breakdown and PTSD prior to that so he does struggle at time’s and all I heard was her putting him down. Then I got pregnant, our DD ended up in SCBU and the first thing MIL said was ‘see I knew it would go wrong that’s why I’d not bought anything’. I was a mess at this point and DH was holding it together for me and DD. We put up with awful behaviour until DD was 2 (no longer living with MIL). My DH had enough when she was horrible after I had a miscarriage and then favoured DD over new baby. He cut all ties and refused to have that negativity in his life. It was an immediate change and I can say that we were so much better without her constantly telling us we were doing it wrong or he was useless and we didn’t want our children to hear it. Sometimes blood isn’t thicker than water!

eeyore228 · 01/09/2020 19:16

My MIL, I thought was ok...until we lived with her temporarily. From day one the way she treated her own son was appalling, there was a lot of background history to their relationship which she had basically held a grudge over - despite never mentioning it. If anything went wrong she blamed my DH. My DH had a breakdown and PTSD prior to that so he does struggle at time’s and all I heard was her putting him down. Then I got pregnant, our DD ended up in SCBU and the first thing MIL said was ‘see I knew it would go wrong that’s why I’d not bought anything’. I was a mess at this point and DH was holding it together for me and DD. We put up with awful behaviour until DD was 2 (no longer living with MIL). My DH had enough when she was horrible after I had a miscarriage and then favoured DD over new baby. He cut all ties and refused to have that negativity in his life. It was an immediate change and I can say that we were so much better without her constantly telling us we were doing it wrong or he was useless and we didn’t want our children to hear it. Sometimes blood isn’t thicker than water!

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