hating school

[primabloodydonna]

DS starts school this week and it's bringing back so many memories of school for me and how much I hated it. I hated it from the day I went until the day I left. I was not picked on or bullied and I was a bright child so I did well at lessons but I just loathed being there. I hated having to be somewhere from x time until x time every day and having to follow poxy rules that they had in my day that I daresay they don't have now (such as keeping your jumper on all year round even when it was 30c in the height of summer), just generally hated being told what to do and being around people all day.

This continued into adult life I'm afraid to say and I went freelance with my work as soon as it was humanly possible to do so because I love having the freedom to manage my own schedule.

Can I just say categorically this is NOT a teacher bashing thread; I was fortunate enough to have several wonderful teachers. It was just the whole structure and set up of school I didn't like.

I'm just like...christ...my son is four years old and already he's being told what shoes he can and can't wear. Stuff like that just gets on my nerves.

I know I am 33 now and should have grown out of the rebellious phase but I haven't.

Has anyone else felt like this?

Home school?

OP, I felt like this when I was at school, but actually my kids are much happier at school than I ever was. See how it goes

Definitely do not have the patience or the intelligence to home school - I'd be doing my DS a disservice I think.

Well most jobs have rules, health and safety, time keeping, manners, etc

That’s life.

Well most jobs have rules, health and safety, time keeping, manners, etc

I know they do, hence why I went freelance.

Obviously I am polite and punctual, however

OP, I completely understand. I'm 33 and feel the same way for the same reasons. I remember telling my parents as an overly-dramatic 8-year-old that school was like prison and why did I have to go to a sort of prison for another 8 years? I actually have an MA in education now and most of the papers I wrote were very critical of the control/socialising functions of education. It helped a lot to read theorists who agreed with me, so I knew that it wasn't just me having strange ideas about schooling.

I used to think that if I had children I'd never send them to school - but I worked in a primary school for a while and what was really clear to me was that some children 'fit' in school - they were happy there, had friends, weren't distressed by the academic pace or the rules. Other children really didn't, from a young age, and the attitude was always that they were supposed to learn to conform to the institution, not that it might not be the right place for every child.

School isn't right for every child. It is right for some children. As long as you're willing to take your DS out if it makes him unhappy (and being homeschooled by a parent who isn't perfect at homeschooling is a better option than being utterly miserable at school) you're not doing the wrong thing to try sending him.

School isn't right for every child. It is right for some children. As long as you're willing to take your DS out if it makes him unhappy (and being homeschooled by a parent who isn't perfect at homeschooling is a better option than being utterly miserable at school) you're not doing the wrong thing to try sending him.

Yes I totally agree and I don't want to project my own feelings on to him - he may love school. He hasn't been that enamoured with nursery, but we will see how he goes.

It's just when we had our introductory "zoom" with the headteacher she was banging on about how important it was to have smart uniform, and smart black shoes...and I was like hang on, I'm a successful well respected professional in my chosen field of work and I literally haven't owned a pair of "proper" shoes since 2014.

I hated school. Despite a very, very strict uniform, mum would comply but buy one a good size or two bigger (just one single, oversized uniform that never got washed through the week until I was able to do it myself) to make it last. I was very clever at school and this also contributed to being picked on. We were not poor.

The teachers could be really bitchy (especially the ones who didn't like my older sister so gave me shit) and the pupils were nasty, bitchy bullies more often than not.

I developed migraines and looking back they were real but probably caused by not wanting to go to school so rarely went. Maybe 3 days out of 5. I was so relieved when it was finally all over and I've never been happier.

However, I am not my children. My experience won't be their experience. I do my very best to make sure they are well prepared for school. They're ALWAYS on time (I hated the walk of shame going in late because my mum didn't get us there on time), I give them great, fresh and delicious lunches instead of gross, warm meat paste sandwiches with a quenchy cup and a packed of cheap puff crisps. Their uniforms fit and they have decent coats and a new bag each year if they need or want them. Though DS and DD2 liked their old ones and they still fit and in good nick so they're in last years coats etc.

I facilitated play dates and have no intention of getting my 14yo a job after school. I make sure homework is done so they don't have to suffer the embarrassment or regret of not doing theirs.

I stand up for my kids if a teacher is being nasty or unfair.

I praise my kids and support them.

Thanks to this, all three now aged from 8 to 14 all have 100% attendance or damned near as. In all these years, between all three there have been maybe 4 and a half days absences.

They all enjoy school and it shows. IF it became apparent that any weren't happy I would address that issue directly. Like a lifetime of working, it's shit we all have to go through but it shouldn't be making anyone miserable.

It's just when we had our introductory "zoom" with the headteacher she was banging on about how important it was to have smart uniform, and smart black shoes...and I was like hang on, I'm a successful well respected professional in my chosen field of work and I literally haven't owned a pair of "proper" shoes since 2014.

It's illogical cargo cult thinking. Posh private schools have strict uniforms. Posh private schools get great results. Therefore, strict uniforms lead to great results.

I've never been in any job where I had to wear a blazer in 30 degree heat and ask permission to remove it any time I wanted to. No doubt someone will come along and tell me such jobs exist somewhere, but I'd never choose to apply for a job with petty unreasonable uniform requirements.

@Miriel I would once have wondered about jobs that imposed that but some HTs impose this on their staff! I'm a primary TA and expected to wear a tailored jacket at all times. Only if it's a school wide directive (across schools in the trust) can we take them off. Obviously within the classroom we sneak them off but get a telling off if spotted by SLT. I like to think this isn't the norm though!

I moved to Denmark 13 years ago and was fairly shocked by how none of this... uniform and overly tight structure stuff seems to exist here. There's no school uniforms, in fact the only dress code seems to be "dress for the weather." Yes, the lessons are scheduled but as far as I can tell no kid is afraid to pop out for a pee when they need one. I couldn't even tell you the teacher's surnames because the kids use their first names.

It flows into office life. There's a few in my office wearing suits, but it seems to be generally because they want to rather than for any requirement. There's a couple of fairly flamboyant dressers and nobody bats an eye lid.

And as far as I can see, having worked here for over a decade and having two step kids and my own child in the education system - there is not one single downside to the approach here. From my own experience - any theory that uniform inspires better behaviour or study is simply bollocks.

I'm a primary TA and expected to wear a tailored jacket at all times.

How utterly absurd!!!

From my own experience - any theory that uniform inspires better behaviour or study is simply bollocks.

I agree.

kursaalflyer That's awful! Incredibly impractical for primary as well. It doesn't entirely surprise me, though - again, if the teachers are really smartly dressed, they must be really good teachers? So many of these school chains and trusts fixate on the wrong things.

One school I worked at sold adult-sized versions of the school zip-up fleece, and lots of us in the early years unit used to wear them, especially if we were doing outdoor activities or potentially messy crafts with the children. They were comfortable and practical - but when someone in SLT floated the idea of making them a sort of staff uniform, even those who wore them frequently were against the idea. Teachers don't need to be told what to wear. (They also had a sensible, broad uniform policy for the children while I was there, but have since joined a trust and now have five-year-olds in buttoned shirts and ties.)

My dh is a bit like you, hating any kind of rules and hated school. I tried very hard that dh's view won't colour my ds's attitude towards school. Yes totally agree that some rules are silly, but it's part of the school life and rebelling against petty things will only put yourself into trouble. So unless you decide to home school, it's quite damaging in a way, if your dc starts to see the school same way as you do, imo.

I didn't mind uniform. I was a bright kid. But I struggled with anxiety daily going to school and I struggle with it now. Leaving the house is never just a 'jacket on and go' thing for me. I genuinely can't say that one caused the other, but I don't imagine sitting in the back of a car every day with a monster in my belly, feeling like there wasn't a soul who understood and took it seriously, helped at all. I can be perfectly happy about where I'm going but the program kicks in when I try to go out. I do still go out, and I push my own boundaries. Driving terrified me, but I got a car and I use it all the time now. All of this I figured out myself (and have an understanding spouse who is a good balance of empathy and 'do it anyway' in his responses) but it took me a long time to develop those skills and gain a greater understanding of myself.

My current feeling about school is there is greater understanding, but the way it's structured to deliver the same education to all children in the most efficient way possible, means the kids have to carry on with what's expected of them anyway.

I just took the deregistration letter in today (term hasn't begun yet). My son will miss his peers and the place, but the rigidity of the whole setup never suited him and his anxiety levels rocketed once we were out of reception. I tried hard to find the right school for him, and it was right, but the system of education teachers have to work within is a mess.

Anyone worrying that they aren't qualified needs to understand that kids learn themselves if they're given the opportunity and the space, and aren't shoehorned into adult expectations. I don't have all the answers but as pp said, it's better to feel safe and have your needs met at home if school is creating issues.

I definitely split that wall of text into separate paragraphs. I swear.

I do love the idea of homeschooling but in practice I don't think I'd be very good at it

Rigidity is a good word for it, that is exactly how I feel!