If you live approx 6 hours from family/ in-laws how often do you visit?

[Thneedville]

Just wondering.

It’s 6 hours to the in-laws with normal traffic. Best we’ve done it is 4.5 hours I think. Quite often 8 or 9 hours recently.

We go 3 times a year (other than this year!) one of those is normally a week. Plus often a 4th for a special birthday or wedding. We stay in holiday cottage or caravan as we don’t fit in anyone’s house.

[Hothammock]

Parents are 6 hours away. I go every other year with the kids but try to leave dh at home on dog duty and he is usually working anyway. A weekend is too short for this length of journey and I can't drive safely in dark, so I tend to do a Tues to Sunday.
Parents are fit and active so I think they can visit us on alternate years if they want to. They visited for one day in 2018 but we were at work and school, it was a stopover on a bigger trip with their friends.
They chose to move that distance away from all their family so I don't really feel too invested in making lots of trips and focus on what is convenient for our family and work and school commitments. We speak on the phone each week. I don't see how we can practically manage regular support in the future if it comes to them needing that.

[Flamingolingo]

I’m 4.5 hours from my parents (in good traffic) and we go down once a year usually (make a holiday of it). They come to us once a year. I’d love to see them more but the expense plus car sick child makes it very stressful. They can’t come more because of ill health. We haven’t seen them at all this year obviously.

PIL live about 2 hours away (up to 3 in traffic) and we go a few times a year, usually just for the day, because I find them hard work (as does DH but he would never admit it). It’s always tense, and they don’t have a spare bed in their spare room so it’s floor sleeping. They come to us a couple of times a year. So on average we see them once every couple of months usually. Before children we would see them all the time, but with school and work and extra curriculars it gets tough.

[minnieok]

We went 3 times a year to my parents and them to us (4 hour drive but enough room so no hotel/rental needed either end) I'm closer now, it's lovely to be able to go for lunch.

[minnieok]

When we lived overseas we flew back once a year (10 hours) and my parents to us once a year, exh's family never visited (but went in swanky hols elsewhere)

[ProfessorRadcliffeEmerson]

Three or four times a year (but we go by train, if we had to drive it would be once!). I go on my own or with DD some of the time, DH doesn’t always come.

[ProfessorRadcliffeEmerson]

That’s in ordinary times, obviously. We haven’t been up since February this year.

[BikeRunSki]

DM - 5-6 hrs away - maybe 3 or 4 times a year. She visits us maybe once or twice a year. She doesn’t like doing the drive anymore and the trains always mess her about.
PiL - 4 hrs away - We visit maybe 3 times a year, often on the way to/from DM. They are more likely to visit us, because they have a more reliable car and can share the drive.

[TattyMcBab]

We haven’t been for nearly three years. In that time I was pregnant (and car sick) and had a tiny baby (with two others) and the logistics just did my head in - travelling when the others were newborn and stopping every so often with the car seat meant it took 10 hours on one visit. We meant to go up in February but the storms delayed us and then in the summer but Covid...

However my in-laws visit every couple of months or so (when it’s not Covid). They’re retired and happy to drive, we work full time with limited annual leave we need to stretch over school holidays and it’s impossible to go up for a weekend. I do feel guilty. They’d like us to go up at half term but I worry we’ll be driving Covid risks once the schools have been open.

[Ragwort]

I used to visit my parents maybe twice a year when they lived such a distance away and they would visit once .. but they lived in a beautiful part of the country so it was a pleasure to visit. But I wouldn't expect my DH to come with me ... why do you have to visit so frequently? Surely DH can take the DC on his own?

[Scarby9]

DB and SIL are 5ish hours away from me. I used to visit twice a year (one long weekend and a week) and they would come to me once a year for a long weekend.

BUT our parents live 2 1/2 hours beyond me (so 7ish hours for DB and SIL) and we are now much more likely to meet there as they have got older and iller. DB and I have not visited each others' houses for almost 2 years although we have met, just us three, at a half way point once during that time, I think.

DB and SIL used to go to my parents 3 times a year - including alternate Easter and Christmas, and a drop in when they were on holiday or travelling past somewhere near - and parents would visit them twice, including a week in the summer.

This year, DB and SIL will go up for the 5th time this year this weekend. Covid means they have had a week in a cottage nearby, and this time we are staying in a hotel and visiting daily.

[ohffs66]

ILs are divorced and live 1.5 hrs away and 3ish hours away. DM is widowed and lives 4 hours away. We generally see all of them about once a year. I haven't seen MIL for prob about 3 years tho as DH will visit her when he's working in that area.

[Glittertwins]

We're 200miles from my parents and we'll go up there 1- 2 times a year and they'll come to us 2-3 times a year usually depending on art exhibitions in London (pre-COVID). DCs sometimes go there for a few days without us and we do a swap over half way for both of us. It's a long trek if the traffic is bad though and my parents now tend to come to us as they've got a less hectic life than us

[GrumpyHoonMain]

My in-laws live a 6 hour flight away and we visit 3 times a year. If that were a drive I think we’d visit about 10 times but DH doesn’t mind the drive and mil is nice.

[Minai]

PIL are about a 5 hour drive away. We visit only really at Christmas as it’s hard to travel with our 2 small children. They visit us (for about 3-4 days I’d say about 4 times a year. Visits can be a bit difficult as we are in a small house with no spare room so they are in our living room on the sofa.

My mum is also about the same distance (but different location) and she used to come visit (pre lockdown) every 2 months. Initially every 4 weeks when I had my first son and had pnd. Haven’t seen her since March now though

[CouldBeOuting]

We live 10 hours from my father (another country). We try very hard to see him. We book places to stay within 20 minutes of his home but his wife works hard find ways to stop us seeing him. Haven’t seen him now for three years despite being only 10 miles from his home just a couple of weeks ago......

[Hopingtobeamum]

Mine are c. 300 miles away.
Normally go and visit once a month, but during Covid I've only been down once the help DSIS with childcare for two weeks.
Going back on Thu for a long weekend. I have SC though so don't have always have the constraints of school/childcare to juggle.
From Sept I'll go back to once a month/once every 3 weeks

[twoofusburningmatches]

We’re about six or so hours of travelling time from both sets of parents, one involving a flight and the other just a car journey. Between dec and March, I’d taken the flight trip three times and my DH and toddler came for two of those trips. We had expected to have been back 2-3 times more times by now too this year, but Covid got in the way. We just go for the weekend usually. So probably 6-8 times a year, although husband would only come for 4-6 of those usually.

We don’t make the other 6-hour drive journey as often, largely because MIL is retired and happy to come down to us, usually every couple of months for a long weekend or so. So probably only 2-3 times a year.

[Thneedville]

@Ragwort

I used to visit my parents maybe twice a year when they lived such a distance away and they would visit once .. but they lived in a beautiful part of the country so it was a pleasure to visit. But I wouldn't expect my DH to come with me ... why do you have to visit so frequently? Surely DH can take the DC on his own?

I don’t know why DH isn’t keen to go on his own. He didn’t go very often before I came along, maybe I and the DC make it bearable for DH.

The regularity I think is because his dad is quite elderly now, and even though he’s not that fond of him and barely has a conversation with him, he feels a sense of duty and a worry that any visit could be the last one. His dad is pretty healthy but late 80s.

Most people who visit less often it seems, from the above, either have family visiting them, or it is too expensive, or there is a poor relationship in the first place.

I think it also depends on who moved away - I’d be less inclined to visit the people who did the moving. (DH did the moving away, and BIL followed, but that was when DH was 17).

[Thneedville]

I’d also not be keen on DH using his annual leave to visit without us. I have taken the DC to visit my sister abroad without DH, but I have more annual leave.

[ithinkiveseenthisfilmbefore]

Once a year usually, sometimes twice if we can find a week in the summer.

But they are retired so come to see us for long weekends every couple of months (in non covid times). Easier for them to travel than us, as we both work and kids are in school.

[Ragwort]

I don't think it's fair to 'stop' your DH from using some of his AL to visit his elderly parents, that seems rather controlling, but you can clearly tell your DH that you won't always be going with him. My DPs are (very) elderly, I use some of my AL to take them on holiday - they couldn't manage on their own - my DH doesn't come with us but I wouldn't be impressed if he tried to prevent me using my AL to do that. .

[PenCreed]

I live a 9 hour train journey from my parents and normally go to see them twice a year - although we sometimes fly to make it possible to go for a weekend. They don't travel (for good reasons), but obviously we've not been this year. My ILs usually come to see us a couple of times a year and we go to see them once. That's about 2 and a half hours by train.

My siblings are both about 3 hours away from our parents, they go more often, maybe 4 times a year, but both have cars so are much more flexible than we are.

[Thneedville]

@Ragwort

I don't think it's fair to 'stop' your DH from using some of his AL to visit his elderly parents, that seems rather controlling, but you can clearly tell your DH that you won't always be going with him. My DPs are (very) elderly, I use some of my AL to take them on holiday - they couldn't manage on their own - my DH doesn't come with us but I wouldn't be impressed if he tried to prevent me using my AL to do that. .

I’m not stopping him!! If he wanted to that would be up to him. He doesn’t want to go on his own, and one reason I’m not pushing it is because I would rather be with him on his limited annual leave.