Ex-h and contacting DS, am I in the wrong?

[JustOneLastThing]

Ex and I split early this year. DS is shared 50/50.
Ex gave DS a mobile phone, not on contract but wi-fi only so can be used for WhatsApp calls. DS (8) predictably forgets to charge it or leaves it around.
I call DS on the landline as he sits still and can actually talk, when he uses the mobile he is distracted by TV/games/God knows what else.
Ex has decided that all communication should be through the mobile and if I call the house phone he will terminate the call, 'to teach responsibility'.
I think this is insane, and a non-issue but he won't be moved.
Any thoughts mumsnetters?

He's being a twat, but I reckon you wont move him so dont bother

How often are you calling him? I assume it’s a week here then a week there?

I agree he sounds petty, but if you’re calling regularly I suspect he feels it’s too much during ‘his’ time. Especially if he doesn’t do the same.

I call him either once or twice a day dependent on whether it is the weekend or I am working, usually to say Goodnight and sometimes good morning.

Ex-h calls ds's mobile a similar amount but doesn't speak to him due to the aforementioned uncharged and abandoned mobile. DS uses my phone
to call ex-h a few times a day.

I think twice a day is too much to be phoning during your ex's time with him.

It might be worth starting to send a quick whatsapp saying good morning and good night that he can pick up whenever. But these dont need a phonecall, especially when they are most likely getting in the way of morning and might time routines.

Op we take responsibility for making sure that DSS’s phone is charged because we don’t want contact through us.

But that is every other day, if it was twice a day I’d not be happy about it either. Calls do feel intrusive. It’s not only about the call itself but then having to deal with the child, who particularly at bedtime then has time to think, anxiety or tears and plays up.

I appreciate we are in a completely not amicable situation but even if it was amicable, when you’re trying to put a child to bed and their mum rings it changes the tone and it undermines your structure.

If he’s going to be petty I would be petty too and stop facilitating contact to Ex with your phone. When he realises his unnecessary rules effect his contact with his son as well as yours he will hopefully realise how ridiculous he is being.

It doesn’t sound like your son needs these calls from you- and it does sound like you are unnecessarily interrupting their time together.

@cakeandchampagne i'm not sure you are in a position to make that claim? DS is 8, and these calls are important. Are you suggesting I go 4 days without speaking to my young son?

He goes to bed himself, these calls last 5 minutes at night time. I can't believe people don't speak to their kids for a week at a time?

Does your ex call your DS several times a day whilst he is with you?

@Apolloanddaphne yes, or DS calls him

Can I just reiterate, its not the phone calls themselves, just that ex-h only wants me to call ds's mobile because he wants him (ds) to 'take responsibility for the mobile phone'. Ds only answers the house phone, I rarely speak to ex-h

I think the wider issue is general communication between the parent and child in the other parents care. We've done it as a call in the evening for bed time at that ageDC is too young to learn much about mobile phone responsibility. It sounds more like xdp is being a bit of a twat.

Whatever the rules are it has to apply both ways to both parents, but also kids do get into things and speaking to mum or dad becomes much less important for them on a daily basis.

Just read your update and yes it's a bit silly. Try it for a coupe of weeks and speak to d's to tell him it's important he answers the phone. If it doesn't work the go back to ex that it's a no go.

A judge would not order these calls. Too much infringement...

I cannot think why he's an ex!

I would just say to DS 'Dad won't let me ring his house on the landline, so if YOU want to talk to me, you'll need to make sure your phone is charged'

I think your Ex is a monumental twat, but save your fight for things that really matter (I have a feeling there will be plenty of them).

DS will learn to keep track of his phone & keep it charged. I disagree that he needs to at 7, but it's not something I'd fight over with the twatty Ex.

A judge would not order these calls. Too much infringement

Regardless, the child wants to speak to the other parent daily, so his wishes are what matters.

I think your ex is being unnecessarily petty.

@JustOneLastThing I suggest you keep detailed records for the month of September, then get some professional legal advice. They can help you decide if the calling/phone access amount/type you want would probably be seen as reasonable/necessary by the courts.

Best wishes- I’m sure you miss your son terribly when he is gone.

The frequency of the calls obviously works for you and your ex so it’s a non issue.

What will your ex do if you say his calls have to be mobile only and the phone is out of charge?