Hi @Sara2000 . It's hard, really really hard. I teach and have taught for many years in a unit attached to a mainstream school. Only you know your boy and his difficulties. We decided to move our son to a special school because he needed a lot of OT and, once he got there, it transpired he needed SALT too. You will NOT get any therapies once at secondary. LEAs put all the resources into KS1. You might, if you are lucky, get a TA doing a programme with them. With all due respect to TAs and I know and work with the best, they are not SALTS and neither am I. DLD is not something teachers are aware of. In their classroom they have 30 kids that they have to get level 4 and above and the SLT want a high percentage of 7s to 9s. This means that if your son can't keep up with a fast paced environment he will be taught mostly by his LSA, who will magically also be used to take out and deal with the other weakest pupils in the room.
My son finally had friends at his secondary school. They still keep in touch. One went to uni, others all did their college courses and were supported and most are in work now. Being there opened up avenues of further support for him once school ended with a PA and amazing employability service ( Surrey, utterly utterly fantastic service).
The problem is is that as parents we make value judgements based on our own perceptions or what people will think. We have to set that aside and think what is best for our child. If he is doing well in primary, then he may survive secondary. Listen to the primary teachers. Ask them to be frank and honest with you. If he is operating at a year 2 or 3 level then he is really going to struggle in mainstream. He will constantly feel like he is behind. If, however, he is one academic year behind then that may be a goer at mainstream. I would say that generally it's during year 5 that they realise that they are different. Heartbreaking moment 'I can't do what everyone else does, can I. Why not?' Is etched on my mind so really be very very honest with yourself and the realities. His life chances will significantly increase with good SALT and other therapeutic input, and his anxiety won't be as great but then he might cope in mainstream fine and dandy. My son was bordeline, like yours and so we looked at schools that offered GCSEs and therapy. He could have coped in mainstream with huge amounts of support but I didn't want him to 'cope', I wanted him to thrive. Also some special schools can be quite picky. Sunnydown didnt want son because he'd had so much one to one suppot. Moor House want the cognitively average or above, so I've heard.