Almost 30 years ago, I was broken. I was drowning, and my new born firstborn with me. A very good person became my lifebelt. Without him, we wouldn't be here now. We lost touch, as you do, years pass, life gets in the way, people move on. Recently, we got back in touch, just in time for him to fucking well die yesterday. I thought we had time. I thought he was in recovery, he was actually in hospice. I never actually managed to thank him (that I remember) a lot of those dark days are little more than a blur now. There won't even be a funeral thanks to covid. He will never know that he literally saved my life, and my son's life. A truly Good Man has gone and it fucking hurts. And I also feel selfish for grieving this much. His wife was one of my closest friends at school. I introduced them. They have a young daughter. I remember the night they met, he literally fell in love with her at first sight. I can't put my grief anywhere she might see, it is tiny compared to what she must be feeling, but I wanted to put it somewhere, so here it is.
If you love someone, if they change your life, tell them. Cos life might get in the way of the message, the letter, the call, but by God, death will get more in the way.
I'm broken all over again, so many memories, he just gave, while I took, and never once made me feel like I was a bother or he had something else to do, and it took me YEARS to realise exactly how much of a nuisance I must have been.
He saved me. And he's gone. And the world is a poorer place without him in it.
Thank you for reading this.