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I just wanted someone to know this...

18 replies

PomBearWithoutHerOFRS · 29/08/2020 23:45

Almost 30 years ago, I was broken. I was drowning, and my new born firstborn with me. A very good person became my lifebelt. Without him, we wouldn't be here now. We lost touch, as you do, years pass, life gets in the way, people move on. Recently, we got back in touch, just in time for him to fucking well die yesterday. I thought we had time. I thought he was in recovery, he was actually in hospice. I never actually managed to thank him (that I remember) a lot of those dark days are little more than a blur now. There won't even be a funeral thanks to covid. He will never know that he literally saved my life, and my son's life. A truly Good Man has gone and it fucking hurts. And I also feel selfish for grieving this much. His wife was one of my closest friends at school. I introduced them. They have a young daughter. I remember the night they met, he literally fell in love with her at first sight. I can't put my grief anywhere she might see, it is tiny compared to what she must be feeling, but I wanted to put it somewhere, so here it is.
If you love someone, if they change your life, tell them. Cos life might get in the way of the message, the letter, the call, but by God, death will get more in the way.
I'm broken all over again, so many memories, he just gave, while I took, and never once made me feel like I was a bother or he had something else to do, and it took me YEARS to realise exactly how much of a nuisance I must have been.
He saved me. And he's gone. And the world is a poorer place without him in it.
Thank you for reading this.

OP posts:
TheFormerPorpentinaScamander · 29/08/2020 23:48
Flowers Sorry for your loss. Of course you're allowed to be sad.
Thisismytimetoshine · 29/08/2020 23:51
Flowers
YinuCeatleAyru · 29/08/2020 23:54
Flowers I am sure he knows what you weren't able to speak out loud.
NoSquirrels · 29/08/2020 23:57

I’m so pleased for you that you knew him, loved him and realised what a light he was to you. I’m so sorry for your loss and that you didn’t get to say it to him. I wish you both peace Flowers

Shouldbedoing · 29/08/2020 23:57

What beautiful things you say about him.

WaltzfortheMars · 30/08/2020 00:00

I am so sorry. But you owe it to this man to be happy. That's the best thanks you can give him in memory of this amazing person.

MJMG2015 · 30/08/2020 00:06

Oh I am so sorry 🌷

What a very sad loss 😢

It's lovely you'd recently got back in touch though.

Are you still friends with his wife/your old friend? Is there some issue there? Because if not, I actually think it's good to know others thought highly of your loved one & will miss them too.

You can have funerals of up to 30 now, so are you sure there won't be one? Lots of places doing live streaming too, it's better than it sounds.

If you can, hug your DS lots and and live a good life- if the best 'thanks' you can give your friend.

Take care of yourself, he wouldn't want you falling apart x

RoseTintedAtuin · 30/08/2020 00:08

When the time comes tell his wife and his daughter how much you loved him and how he saved you. The only thing stronger than death is love which is shared through memories Flowers

AbbieFB · 30/08/2020 00:09

I’m sorry for your loss. Flowers

PerkingFaintly · 30/08/2020 00:16

Thank you for this.

I have this letter to write too.

But I've been wondering whether it might be selfish or self-indulgent of me to send it.

I don't want anything from him, whatever I might feel in the wee small hours, and if I did he couldn't give it to me anyway. But he made my life.

I fear it would be outrageous and egotistical of me to tell him so; to intrude in his (I hope) very happy life that has nothing whatever to do with me.

It's a quandary.

Quaagars · 30/08/2020 00:17
Flowers
PomBearWithoutHerOFRS · 30/08/2020 00:19

One day I will tell his wife. We all just recently reconnected. There was never anything romantic between me and him, they've been together more than 30 years. I just can't yet, it's too soon. She must be in bits, and I really have been taken by surprise by how much it has hit me. Once it's not so raw I will tell her. She was there too, it was during that time that they met, one of a very few happy memories of that time.
Thank you all.

OP posts:
PerkingFaintly · 30/08/2020 00:19

Flowers for your wonderful friend. And for you.

Coffeeonthesofa · 30/08/2020 00:28

If an opportunity to pay forward his kindness comes your way, embrace it in memory of him. There would be no finer way to pay tribute to what he did for you than by you being that amazing person for someone else. 💐 for your loss.

Bloodylovecheese · 30/08/2020 00:36

God, that made me cry. How sad, but also wonderful that you've realised what a wonderful person existed an gave you something. Flowers

Lovewineandchocolate · 30/08/2020 00:44

We meet very few people in life that we feel this way about. He sounds like a truly amazing person, not only to you, but to his wife and daughter as well.
Celebrate that your paths crossed, but that it will be painful too and that it's OK for you to feel this way.
Flowers Flowers

eaglejulesk · 30/08/2020 01:08

I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm sure he knew you how thankful you were for his help - and I agree with a pp, your best tribute to him would be to help someone else, even if just in small ways. Take care Flowers

caringcarer · 30/08/2020 01:42

He probably knew how vulnerable you were at the time and was clearly happy to help you out. You can repay him by being there for his wife. Try to comfort her whist her loss is still raw. Sorry for your loss.

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