Abortion grieving

[HereToLetOffBurdens]

Hi

I had an abortion back in April, and although I can have days where I’m ok, I still think about it all the time and get very down and extremely upset. To the point where I’m so bitter that I can’t bear to hear of other people pregnant and struggle to be happy for them. Ive even deactivated social media because I can’t stand to see pregnancy announcements and baby pics. I constantly think of all the landmarks I would have hit such as scans, how far gone, due dates etc. Is this normal? Do I need help? Will it get better?

I think part of it will be to do with why you made that decision.

It isn’t wrong to grieve and it will always be something that is there but it will get better. I had one about 16 years ago and I will always remember it and think about what that child might have been like and feel guilty even though the circumstances at the time made it necessary (was very early termination).

Keep reminding yourself of the reason and how your life is now better (not worse) because of that decision. It is tough but you know it is for the better. And you will get better. Don’t try to forget it as you will never forget, but embrace and treasure the opportunities this decision has given you.

Focus on the bright side of your decision and stick to it. Tormenting yourself over something you have no control over is cruel to you and the ones who love you.

Live a better life. Be a happier person. Make the decision a worthwhile one.

Of course it’s ok to grieve but if you feel that it’s affecting you quite deeply then maybe some type of counselling could be helpful. I didn’t access counselling after mine but I’m fairly certain that the option was there for me through BPAS if I remember correctly. This was a few years back now but it’s worth checking with whoever provided your termination as this must be something that they deal with on a regular basis. Sending lots of love your way

@HereToLetOffBurdens

Hi

I had an abortion back in April, and although I can have days where I’m ok, I still think about it all the time and get very down and extremely upset. To the point where I’m so bitter that I can’t bear to hear of other people pregnant and struggle to be happy for them. Ive even deactivated social media because I can’t stand to see pregnancy announcements and baby pics. I constantly think of all the landmarks I would have hit such as scans, how far gone, due dates etc. Is this normal? Do I need help? Will it get better?

You made a choice and now have to live with that. Not having happiness for those who have opted to have their babies is incredibly selfish and actually quite mean. You had a choice.

It is hard. Are you wavering in the reason you made the decision?

Really not helpful. That must have made you feel so good.
OP I was in the same position as you 12 years ago and it really messed me up to the point where it wasn’t clear whether I had made the right choice because my life wasn’t any better - it was actually worse. I eventually got through it when things got pretty rock bottom - I was on the verge of being kicked out of college due to not attending as I was so depressed. But I wish I hadn’t let it get to that stage so I would say try and seek help - counselling maybe? Please don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Have you been offered counselling? Do BPAS or Marie Stopes have anything on their websites?. You don’t deserve to suffer like this.

Sorry the first bit of my post was for Solo.

@SoloMummy oh do FOD. People like you are what made me mentally ill for a decade after making the most god awful decision of my life then having to live through it.

OP, it's normal and it's ok. Ignore the idiot who says otherwise. We have to live with our decisions, but we also have to learn to live with them first. I didn't seek counselling for over a decade for it - you don't have to be me, seek some professional support now and be assured you've done the right thing for you. The grief is real and valid.