Elderly mum, massive stroke, hospital pushing for discharge- HELP!

[Shodan]

My DM went into hospital 5 weeks ago after a series of falls. While in hospital she suffered a massive stroke. Now the hospital are saying she can be discharged and asking if anyone has power of attorney. They have also said they're not sure if she needs continuing healthcare.

Mum is paralysed down one side. She can't speak. She has a catheter. She has, as of last week, been able to eat very small amounts of food, but has to be fed, she can't feed herself. Before lockdown she was being assessed for Parkinson's, and has a list of other medical conditions.

We don't know if she has appointed a power of attorney. It certainly isn't any of us, but we can't even find her will at the moment, let alone any other official documents pertaining to this kind of thing (she has hoarded paperwork going back 40 years!!)

I don't even know where to start. Are we supposed to find a nursing home? How do we get a proper assessment for continuing healthcare? Will it be difficult to get her into a nursing home right now, with the covid situation? How do we go about selling the house, if that's needed?

We've barely spoken to any doctors, as we have to wait for them to call us. We can visit 3 times a week, by phoning the day before. The phone line is only open for 1 hour, and if you can't get through, you're stuffed.

Can anyone point me to any organisations we can speak to? After a long and fruitless wait on the phone to Age Uk, I have emailed them so will wait for a response from them. I know about Stroke.org.uk, but is there anyone else?

I feel totally lost, and the situation isn't helped by one of my brothers being obstructive about things -he refuses to face the possibility that Mum is unlikely to fully recover.

Any advice would be gratefully received.

Oh, thank you @PermanentTemporary! I don't know why I didn't think of writing before

I think you were absolutely right to do that for your Dad. It's what I and 3 of my siblings wanted to do for mum- but one brother argued against, and here we are.

When everything is being done by phone it feels odd to write but it means you can ring up sbd ask if they've seen the letter. It can really help speed up decisions.

I can definitely say that though my dad was uncomfortable sometimes, he was mostly too confused i think to be actively unhappy or able to dwell on stuff. He slept a lot too.

he was mostly too confused i think to be actively unhappy or able to dwell on stuff. He slept a lot too

I hope that this is how mum is, to be honest. I worry that she's aware of how much time is passing, that she wonders why we're not visiting more, what's happening to her- sometimes she gets upset (facial expressions). My greatest worry is that she's begging for help, either to die, or get better, and I can't tell.

So upsetting.

Haven't read the full thread so apologies if repeating, but the hospital should have a discharge team, speak to them and insist on a CHC assessment, the threshold will be met due to needing assistance eating, paralysis and catheterization, this will mean a suitable care home facility will be funded. You get an input in the home. Do not be swayed by newest or gimmicks, go with your gut on empathy of staff and level of care. You can request a home outside of the funding council, it is possible to transfer. Good luck

Shodan have a look at the elderly parents topic Lots of expertise on there, though you've had good advice on here.