5 year olds talk about death and killing

[Icantrememebrtheartist]

My 5 year old DD keeps talking about death but also killing and it’s really starting to worry me, I don’t know whether it’s normal.

In the last week she’s asked the following questions...

Who is going to die first in our family?

Do I want to die?

Will I miss her when she dies?

How do you kill someone?

Can you kill someone?

What’s happens if you kill someone?

What happens if you stop breathing do you die?

Do you care if you die?

She doesn’t watch anything violent on tv etc

Is this normal for a 5 year old?

Do you think they might have heard something on tv or from a friend?

I think it's pretty normal. She's just realised what death actually is. Pre-schoolers aren't really developmentally capable of understanding the permanence of death. Once they start to understand it's a petty big concept to take on hence the questioning.

It could have been from something age appropriate...DS1 (4.5) asked a lot of questions after watching the episode of Topsy and Tim where the dog dies.

Or she might have caught a bit of the news by accident?

DS became obsessed with death and dying at 5, just after starting P1. A lot of other parents said similar, I think it is an age thing. He is 7 now and has grown out of it.

I think she also probably doesn't realise that the word 'kill' sounds a bit scary comething from a child. DS1 kept saying "I will destroy you!" after watching a superhero cartoon... It did worry me a bit the first time I heard it! (I explained it wasn't a good thing to say but your DD is just asking questions which is different)

Phew! Thank you so much everyone. I was starting to worry I had a young psychopath in the making.

I think it's normal at about that age to start to gain a concept of death and think about it. Dd1 used to play this awful game where a wild dog would range about killing her other toys. She is delightful now!

I remember my now 7 year old asking me when he was probably 5-6 what happens when you die? I had no clue what to say and I just said well it's just like going to sleep, but that's it. He absolutely broke down in a panic at the thought of it and then for days after kept coming and crying saying what if you and daddy die, what will happen to me? He was terrified of dying and terrified of being left without his parents. I have no idea where it all came from. He's absolutely fine now, it's a big thing for young kids when they realise the enormity of death.

Sounds totally normal to me! Exact same topics of discussion from mine from the ages 5-7.
I agree with pp it's a developmental thing starting to try to comprehend life and death. Endless questions about it here...! Who's going to die first in our family? I scraped my knee outside now I'm bleeding am I going to die? Etc etc

What is she watching?

Could be hearing a lot about People being ill and dying of covid.

Also this morning I was driving listening to the radio and they starting talking about the shootings and people being killed... then I was aware my 4 year old was listening

These seem pretty understandable questions to be asking if you're just learning about what death is.

I remember an episode of Secret Life Of 4 Year Olds. The children decided to randomly play 'Sky News'. The ones being the newsreaders starting making a news story of a "bomb going off in France" and the kids kept adding to it ("it was a train").
I think children pick up and are aware of these things more than we realise.

Both mine did this at 5. Little psychos

Couple of weeks ago 6 yo DD stopped playing, sat for a minute and then asked me and DH quite cheerfully ''...do you ever think about killing someone?''.

We gave each other the side eye while both trying to construct some kind of answer but she'd gone back to playing with her toys and humming to herself .....

Eeek.

Yep my DS started death questions at about the same age. He's nearly 7 now and it's died down a bit (scuse the pun!)

I think it's them becoming aware that humans/animals aren't invincible and they are a bit fascinated by it 🤷🏻‍♀️

I taught kindergarten for years. Every now and then one child would talk about death a lot, parents would be worried etc. but it's just them realising more about life... and death! I'd say normal unless it's anything too violent that he's talking about!

@Laiste

Couple of weeks ago 6 yo DD stopped playing, sat for a minute and then asked me and DH quite cheerfully ''...do you ever think about killing someone?''.

We gave each other the side eye while both trying to construct some kind of answer but she'd gone back to playing with her toys and humming to herself .....

Eeek.

🤣

I think kids at that age are quite philosophical really.

Like others I think it’s quite normal too but it is worth not only ensuring children don’t watch violent stuff on tv but also don’t get into playing violent computer games. Friend of mine couldn’t understand why her DS, who didn’t watch tv at all, was obsessed with making his toy cars ‘crash’ all the time, accompanied by horrendous sound effects in form of yelling and screaming. She hadn’t noticed that he was playing some appalling computer game that consisted of crashing virtual cars, running ppl over etc.

Mine is doing this age 7.

Absolutely normal. Kids do think about things like that.

I was 8 when I asked mum what flowers she wanted on her grave! It really bothered me that she might die and didn't have the flowers that she wanted!

At that age my nephew asked his mum for my telephone number, so if she died I could look after him!

Never mind his dad or siblings.