Married to “Mr Nice Guy“

[user1475002412]

My DH never gets upset about anything. Very little annoys him. And it’s really starting to annoy me. It’s almost as if he just doesn’t care about anything. As if he has zero personality. I know some people don’t get worked up over “trivial” things like parking but even important things don’t seem to faze him. For example, our vets forgot for the third time to order our cats flea treatment. This means our cat will be crawling with fleas while we wait for the flea treatment. Last time I ended up treating the entire house for fleas. DH is so relaxed about this though, doesn’t care he pays an expensive monthly vet plan and isn’t getting the goods, doesn’t care the vets practice aren’t doing their job, doesn’t care about a potential flea outbreak!

Another example, we paid a deposit for double glazing. Were told windows would be fitted 6 weeks later. It’s been 12 weeks. I asked him if he wanted to ring the company or should I. He rang, was told they’d ring him back. The didn’t. I rang & was told they’d forgot to place the order. I’m really annoyed DH doesn’t seem to mind. Even though we have a broken window & will now be waiting for months to have it fitted.

I know I should be happy to have a kind, loving DH but I just wish he’d get a bit more worked up about things!

I wish I could be like your DH - am such a bag of anxiety n stress.
How is he if he needed to stand up to someone to protect a loved one?

He hates confrontation and avoids it. But is happy for me to have to deal with any issues. I feel like he just takes a back seat all the time but because he is so “nice” what can I say?

Okay so the vet has no flea treatment... You getting mad accomplished what? Does it.mean the trestment comes quicker? Is your rage enough to deter the fleas? They sitting outside right now saying,
"Best not go in there, her looks a bit pissed off.."

Same with the windows. Getting pissed off is that going to get the window fixed any quicker? Does it make the glass company work faster? Nope, just means you have no windows and you're annoyed...
Doesn't improve anything does it?

I agree with MonkeyToes on this. There are some situations where getting angry doesn’t actually change the outcome of the situation and just results in you feeling angry and still being without what you wanted: the flea treatment example is one of those situations and the best course of action, if your vet practice gives persistently poor service, is just to take your custom elsewhere.

The window is a bit more of an issue - but again, nobody gains by your DH getting worked up and shouting at the person who answers the phones at the window company. What he should have done was to say that the contract hadn’t been fulfilled and therefore he wanted to cancel and have the deposit back.

I sort of side with your DH because I’m naturally pretty zen unless it’s a life or death matter and generally find as I’ve said above, that people who get angry or upset over everything just make their own lives less enjoyable. However, if him being so laid back means that you take on extra work or have to constantly change him up, that’s what you need to talk about with him because it isn’t acceptable. He needs to understand that there are consequences to others around him of his behaviour and you can make it clear that there’s a middle ground between being worked up and doing nothing and letting you pick up the slack.

But it’s normal to feel pissed off! I don’t start screaming down the phone at the vets/glazier but I do get off the phone and tell DH hoping he too will agree it’s frustrating but he’s just nonchalant!

@user1475002412

But it’s normal to feel pissed off! I don’t start screaming down the phone at the vets/glazier but I do get off the phone and tell DH hoping he too will agree it’s frustrating but he’s just nonchalant!

Normal for you... Not normal for you OH... Or normal for me.. There's so much in this world that deserves peoples anger, trivial bull shit isn't one of them.

How about the poor asylum seeker that died in Scotland? Get angry about that.. get writing and signing petitions.
Get angry about women's rights being eroded, do something about it, go on a march, join Women's place.

Vet having no flea treatment?... Oh you might get fleas.. if that's the worst thing to happen to you, you've got it better than many many millions of people.

You’re problem isn’t that your DH doesn’t get worked up about things but that he’s lazy. I’m pretty chilled and it takes a lot to get me fired up, but in the examples you give I’d be on the phone every day to sort it. Politely, no need for drama, but both things need to get done.

Your DH just assumes you’ll deal with it and any consequences. What would happen if he had to treat the house for fleas?