Helping DS deal with teasing at school

[Cannotwillnot]

DS (7) is in a class of 12 so there isn’t a big pool of DC to play with. One of the boys likes to tease my DS (mocking him, pushing in front of him in the queue, excluding him from games etc). My DS regularly comes home in tears, and generally gets the blame when he reacts to the teasing.

I would really appreciate some advice. I have spoken to the school but they say they haven’t noticed anything. Child in question is the son of a celebrity and the teachers do tend to be rather star struck with his parents (who incidentally are very nice).

What would you do? I have role played with my DS how to deal with the teasing and not react but it’s making him anxious about returning to school. I wondered if I should try to organise a fun play date to help them start term on better terms (although my DS says no). Am at a loss what to do. Please help.

This is bullying...make an appointment to see the head teacher...it's not good enough. Ask to see their bullying policy...tell them you're not happy with how this is being dealt with.

Also...no to the fun play date. At 12 they organise themselves. And why should your DS have to play with a nasty boy like that?

Tell the staff.
Every time.
Document everything.
He shouldn’t be being treated like this. Poor kid.
Sod starstruck! The teachers have a duty to safeguard your child.

You keep going back to the school and tell them something has to be done or you will go above them to complain they are giving this boy preferential treatment because of who his parents are. I would also the them if things don't change you will pull your DS out of school.
Could you have a word with the parents?

The teachers need to pay attention to this and step in if your DS is getting overwhelmed

I would also write down all the incidents, email the school each time so they have it in writing, if unhappy arrange to see his tutor to find out what steps they are taking to stop this bullying

Tell your ds to rise above the majority of it although to be honest I had to teach my ds how to mock back otherwise he would have been eaten alive....

I have had similar at my school with DS, he frequently gets in trouble for reacting to being provoked ( best one was i got told he had to have a time out for pushing another child over who skinned his knee. I asked DS what happened- other child had taken his glasses off snd stomped on them - noone saw that part so my child got in trouble and i had a pair of broken glasses tp replace to boot)

I have had many, many conversations with the head, and get a lot of lip service and rhetoric about it and nothing actually changes. i paid £100s for therapy to help my DD learn to respond to things in a way that he wouldn't get on trouble, learn to speak up etc. It seemed to help and then school closed in march so there was not much chance to practice it; but im hoping the time away will have helped everyone.

Firstly, it’s bullying. Teasing is the sort of affectionate banter intimate friends use with one another where it’s clearly understood they’re joshing each other to reinforce a bond, not to belittle. It’s normally mutual.

Secondly, it’s so hard to evade an ‘alpha’ child who most likely has a loyal following - or at least has a cohort too scared to stand up to him.

Headteacher, class teacher, they should be the people enforcing rules about appropriate social behaviour. All too often teachers choose to frame bullying as ‘fallings out’ between children, or harmless play. These days schools should have anti-bullying policies - and these should have teeth. Your child shouldn’t have to learn ‘put up and shut up’ or avoidance tactics; it’ll mark his confidence and faith in people for a long time.

I’d keep pushing for meetings and progress on this; star struck be damned.

@FortunesFave

Also...no to the fun play date. At 12 they organise themselves. And why should your DS have to play with a nasty boy like that?

The DS is seven. They are in a class of 12.

The school need to open their eyes then and start 'noticing' it then, wtf?

Just because the child's parents are celebs and are nice, it doesn't mean he can bully other kids.

Go into the school, with a list of everything this boy has done to your child, explain how your child feels about coming into school every day, and tell them if they don't try and fix this problem then you will be taking it further.

The school my dc went to carried on like this. It was a bit like being in a tv programme about a school. There were the main characters who could do and say what they wanted and the rest of the dc were the supporting cast.

When my friend went to the school with a serious complaint, the school said that the child was from a 'good family' and that could not have happened.

It became quite the catchphrase in my friendship group.

Most schools are not like this.

Small classes are a problem. And small schools. At least our primary had the advantage of being a seven form entry to the children were thoroughly mixed up each year.

Thank you all for so many responses and good advice, I really appreciate it. It’s interesting see that so many people label it bullying. I said this to school and they firmly told me it sounded like ‘teasing’ as it was all pretty low level.

It is really hard when DS is upset and telling me things are happening, but the school tell me they have seen nothing.

It is bullying. Put it in writing to the school using that word. Have you been to the head?

I'd get definition of bullying and show them.

It's long term behaviour towards someone designed to cause upset.

So deliberate and targeted long term 'teasing' comes into this.

Teasing is something that's mutual, between family and friends and is sporadic and infrequent. So usually if someone does or says something stupid you may tease them about it.

It makes me so cross when bullying is dismissed like this. It can do terrible damage to children. The school needs to proactively encourage kindness.

Go and be ‘that parent’ if necessary. Too often it’s brushed under the carpet and ends in a lot of misery for the victim.

I’ve just moved my ds from a school like this. There were a few very rich / influential families and their kids seem to have free passes to behave badly. There was a lot of talk about some parents contributing money and equipment to the school. It had become a huge conflict of interests and we decided it was too toxic for ds.
Honestly you would bloody hope the head and the other teachers would try and have some integrity no matter how “star struck” they are.

Definitely bullying not teasing.

Agree with pp go back

Where I live the state schools are legally mandated to intervene in situations like this and they take it very seriously. When something similar happened to my son the bully was given an in-school suspension for three days. He had to spend the entire day in the guidance office, doing work his teachers dropped off for him. And his parents had to come in for a meeting about it.

When it happened again he was suspended out of school for three days. That really got his parents' attention and put an end to it.

I'm sorry you and your son are going through this.

I removed my DS at age 7 from a few paying tiny school where the bullying was glossed over and ignored for months, despite 10 meetings with the head and class teachers. He has been in a four form entry state school for 3.5 years now and not a sniff of similar behaviour. His confidence has returned, he is always happy at the end of the school day and it was the best decision as we were getting nowhere with the school. The child in question’s mother was influential and a big money raiser on the PTA...

If the parents are nice, could you catch one of them at drop off or pickup and explain that their kid is a bully there are problems between the boys and ask them to spank the brat address it?