Help with my newborn.

[Courtney1993]

I am looking for help with my newborn as I am really struggling and don't know what I am doing wrong.

My newborn wont settle or sleep, she is 13 days old and eating 3 oz of formula every 4 hours with the odd top up feed in between as and when she requires.

She wont settle, constantly screams whenever she is put down, only settles if I walk round the house with her and I really dont know what I am doing wrong.

I have tried a bath, walk in the pram, extra winding, infacol, gaviscon infant, swaddling, hot water bottle in her bed before I put her down, one of my t shirts in her bed, dummy, white noise, please help...

Poor you.
The early days are really tricky.

Do you have real-life support? DP or DH? Mum? Neighbour?
And are you in the UK? Health Visitor should be on the end of the phone (or possibly still the maternity ward if you are within 14 days of giving birth).

This is all really normal I'm afraid. Call your HV if youre worried, but tbh some babies just struggle to adjust to being outside the womb and are really hard work.

I had one of these first time. It turned out to be a milk allergy.
Have you tried propping the head end of the Moses basket up a bit, I put two folded up towels between the basket and the large plastic box it’s on.
Have you got a helpful mother or mil who would do a night or day shift or two a week to give you a break? That’s how I survived my first.

Thanks for your responses, even that is really comforting, just to know im not doing anything wrong and that she will settle in time. Just want her to be happy x

You poor thing. The early days can be so hard. First of all, you are not doing a single thing wrong. Your baby just wants her mum, to feel you and smell you because that's how she feels safe. All you can do is take a deep breath, know this won't last forever, and muddle through.

I used a vibrating baby seat, there just like an ordinary bouncy chair but it vibrated it was the only thing that dd and ds would sleep in (other than in my arms) it was a god sent

Have you got a wrap/sling? That saved me in the early days, DD wouldn't go in her pram at all until she was 4mo, it was a constant battle as she hated being flat. She would go in her swing or on her playmat but not for long enough for me to get anything done or even sit and have a cuppa, so in the wrap she went. She has got CMPA, so being upright in the wrap helped with her reflux before diagnosis, however she was also very much a velcro baby and the only way I could get anything done/settle her/pee/eat was with her in the wrap. She is SO independent now at 7mo, despite spending most of her little life in lockdown! It doesn't last forever but it's hard while you're in it

Aw OP, my DS was like this too and I remember how utterly hard it was Some babies just want to be held (and walked up and down constantly!). It will get better love, just keep putting one foot in front of the other and take each day (hour?!) as it comes. Accept all the help you can get and speak to HV if worried x

You are doing nothing wrong. This is all perfectly normal.. I’ve had 3 kids and they were all the same! They just like to be held morning, noon and night at this age, it’s hard to put them down. They do settle eventually but it is exhausting!
Wear her in a sling round the house so you can get some jobs done, put your feet up and watch TV with her napping on you.. try one of those swings or a vibrating chair.
At night, safe co-sleeping saved my sanity but you must kick your partner out. Or put her in a crib literally next to your head so she knows you’re near. She needs to know you’re close. For the first six months our babies were downstairs with us in the evenings, in a Moses basket or being held by us!
It does settle down and you’re doing nothing wrong

Thank you all, ive tried a wrap and that helped, it's the nights im struggling with most x

Reading your post and you asked what you are doing wrong - nothing! That is what babies are like. They just love their mama so much and hate being apart from her.
Relax and enjoy each day and take easy because these days will pass quickly. Congratulations on baby

It’s really tough in the early days; I found that infacol helped after about 2 days of giving it at every feed and putting my DS down in the daytime when he fell asleep on us so that he was more used to it at night. I wish I’d persevered with the white noise; I tried it for one night and it didn’t work but now he’s 6 months the Ewan dream sheep we got has really helped after i used it consistently.
Whatever happens though it will get better.

Completely normal. Your baby has just come from being suspended in a warm bag of fluid with not much light and muffled sound. You need to try to replicate this as much as possible by baby wearing, co sleeping (not necessarily bed sharing), cuddling etc. They will soon start to understand the difference between day and night and start to sleep for longer stretches at night. Get in people to help you if you can. It won't last long, enjoy the cuddles now! You're doing an amazing job x

Have a read up on the Fourth trimester. Your baby should still be inside you. She wants everything she had in the womb - being held, hearing your voice and heartbeat (even your tummy noises!), your warmth etc. She won’t want to be put down. It’s perfectly normal (and key to the survival of the species thus far!).

Its tough with a newborn, you really can't imagine until you have one. Especially if you have one that won't settle and everyone else bangs on about how 'chilled' their baby is (I'm still bitter 4 years on from my youngest!).

You really aren't doing anything wrong but it could possibly be reflux or an allergy?

My DD was the clingiest baby in the world and the worst sleeper. She was my second baby but I still had no clue how to deal with her.

She turns 4 soon and she is still pretty clingy and still a crap sleeper so yeah....welcome to parenthood.

Good luck OP.

Same here with DD. What saved me was a Sleepyhead (but I don't think they're recommended anymore) and an Ewan the Dream Sheep. Honestly I think I took more comfort from Ewan than she did!

She just wanted to be near me all the time. The lack of sleep was SO hard. Sending big hugs. Loads of excellent advice on here already, but just know that you're not doing anything wrong.

Really normal during the fourth trimester I'm afraid. Sling for during the day and try to do whatever you need to do (sit down and rest once baby has fallen asleep in the sling!)

Nights are a bit trickier if your baby won't be put down at all. Do you have a bedside crib? If not I would look up the Lullaby Trust safe co sleeping guidelines so baby sleeps next to you. It usually gets easier at 2-3 months old. I know that's not much consolation when you're going through it.

Otherwise make sure you are winding very very thoroughly and try not to chop and change technique as that can be quite stimulating in itself. Dim lights / darkness, white noise and movement when baby is being super tricky to get to sleep.

Definitely read up on the fourth trimester and try a sling. Is there a reasons you are only giving up feeds and feeding properly every 4 hours?

Newborns just want to be held in my experience... its still really early days. You arent doing anything wrong, this is just how they are.

You are not doing anything wrong. Your baby may have reflux so you could look into infacol.
We had to hold our baby upright for about an hour after each feed. It was hell. Then he'd fall asleep and we'd try to put him down. Sometimes it worked sometimes nit.

If you can raise the cot at one end by putting books under it then that may help.

Stay strong, I am sure you are doing a great job. Your hormones will be up and down. Please be kind to yourself x

I’d also look at how long you wind her for. DS often took 30mins and wouldn’t settle otherwise but I don’t think everyone knows it can take quite that long.

We also used a zip up swaddle bag as that really helps babies sleep and it’s much easier to use than swaddling.

Are you winding baby half way through a feed.

Some babies prefer to bring their wind down. So she might be better during the day because she's in a sling and can fart more easily. That's how nature works. Try belly rubs. Also try lying her on her back and gently push her knees to her chest, then stretch her legs back down again gently. And try moving her legs in cycling motion. Never force anything.

Also I think a key point has been made by a previous poster- has the four hourly feeding been set by the baby or you? As not many formula fed babies feed every four hours at such a young age- more like every three although could be more or less depending on how sleepy they are!

I agree with the poster above - 4 hours seems a really long gap between feeds; Are you sure she’s not hungry?

But yes, google the 4th trimester - it’s completely normal not to want to be put down.