DS so upset with DH working away.

[cocktailortwo]

DH works abroad for 3-4 months a year. We have a 3 year old DS. In previous years, DH would video call in the evenings to see DS, read him a bedtime story etc and this has always worked well as DS has really been too young to understand.

DH left on Saturday. He’s not due to be home until late October at the earliest. He called on Sunday night, DS talked to him happily but screamed when it was time to hang up and was impossible to get to bed. Screamed until well after midnight. Same on Monday night. Yesterday morning DH called as he’d forgotten to tell me something and DS heard him on the phone and again the screaming began. I had to drop him into nursery still crying and ended up picking him up early as when I phoned to check on him around 11am he was still upset, wouldn’t play, wouldn’t eat snack etc.

I spoke to DH and asked him not to call last night as DS needed a good sleep without being upset. He understood but I know he was disappointed at not getting to see DS.

I always talk to DS about daddy working away and how he will be back soon etc and he always seems happy enough about it but just as soon as the video call ends, he’s so upset he can barely get a breath.

I’m not sure what to do for the best! Is it better to just continue with the calls and hope he gets over it quickly or should we cut them down to a few a week rather than every night? I suggested this to DH and again he was disappointed but obviously we will do it if it’s best for DS. Does anyone have any tips on how to deal with this?

He’s due to be calling in half an hour and I’m dreading it as I just know it’ll be a nightmare trying to get DS to bed after 😭

If it was me, I wouldn’t say that he’ll be back soon as that’s not really the case so it’s confusing. I’d carry on with the calls so that they can keep the relationship going and your son knows he’s going to see his dad in the evening. Hopefully, he’ll get used to it soon as that will be his new evening routine. I think that’s better than less frequent/less predictable calls as they’re likely to be confusing for your son and probably not easy on the dad either.

how he will be back soon
How else do you use this word? Probably he has no concept of what it means (and it's not really true, is it?) especially if you say "it's time for bed soon."

Do you know when he will be back? Can you mark it in a calendar and count off the days? I think you need to be more honest with him rather than saying what you think he wants to hear,

For a child, October isn't soon - it's weeks away. It could be that your use of the word is confusing him?

I imagine you often say "soon" in the context of "dinner will be ready soon" or similar.