A year on since psychotic episode - piecing my life back together

[GreenApplesBlueSky]

I just wanted to share some thoughts & ask if anyone else is piecing their life back together after a psychotic episode?

Exactly a year ago, I had delusions about my DP being a sex worker, having affairs, etc. It came on out of the blue. These spiralled into beliefs that I was being recruited by MI5 and my food was being poisoned. I ended up on a psychiatric ward.

It’s been a long but consolidating year. I’ve carried on with my work and have bumbled through. My relationship has been going well. We recently re-visited a place where we were prior to it happening last year. That felt very healing.

I’m off medication now and have had some CBT to tackle the anxious thoughts. I can spot them before they become paranoia, and have learnt how to test them & how to talk about them with my partner.

I think it is ok. DCs are ok. Occasionally, I can tell them a bit about it. The episode is becoming a distant memory, like an old friend in the distance.

Can anyone else share their experiences? Maybe you had a relative who pieced their life back together? Am I doing ok?

I have no experience but it sounds like you are doing fantastically well.

Wishing you the best

I think you are doing amazingly. I wish people were more open about these sorts of illnesses.

Well done on your recovery!

I have been through similar and it is awful to genuinely feel you are losing control of your mind. I remember one particular time sitting in my GP surgery and imagining people spying on me, it was awful. Then a member of the public walked in to report someone hanging around outside looking confused and like he needed help. He was an older man, seemed like he was suffering from dementia but that was the last straw for me.

I jumped up, started screaming hysterically and locked myself in the toilet. Fortunately, it was quiet in the waiting room and the GPs at that particular surgery are very good at managing mental health.

I probably experience it once a month or so now. I stopped going to see the mental health professionals in my area as I thought it was a conspiracy and private is no longer an option due to covid-19.

Life is bloody hard every single day. Before lockdown I couldn't go near bridges, train tracks, water - anything that posed a risk. In a way, lock down has been good for me as it has taken away all that turmoil in my head. But I am dreading life getting back to normal.

My relationship suffers but my DP is very understanding. I scare the living daylights out of him sometimes (his words!) but he always stands by me and is there to hold me when I am at my worst or to console me when I come out of the other side. Some days it takes all my energy to just breathe. I am living on a knife edge not knowing what will set me off.

Sorry for the ramble but you are doing fantastic. Knowing how to spot it is a huge step in the right direction.

Thank you, FastAndCurious - much appreciated!

Thank you, allStompythedinosaur
I think you are doing amazingly. I wish people were more open about these sorts of illnesses.

I wish they were, too. Saying that - I get stuck between wanting to tell people about it, and not wanting it to define me. Part of me wants to forget it ever happened.

SuperPixie247 Wow! Thank you sooo much for your lovely post.
It's incredibly helpful to read about how others are affected.

I would have liked to have had some sort of group therapy but don't know if it is offered in my area, and also am scared of running into people I know. So it was doubly helpful to read about your experiences.

YES, it really is awful to feel loss of control of mind, and to not know which bits are real and which bits are the mind playing tricks. Mine are around trust issues. I have now found ways of working on 'fact' and working on reality distortion. You poor thing - once a month or so must be distressing. Saying that, I don't know how often mine come, just that the thoughts are far less intense and far more infrequent than they were 18 months ago.

It sounds like your partner is supportive. I'm glad you have someone there It's hard with mine. Sometimes when I share my thoughts, I can see his face drop, and he looks fearful of my illness. But that in itself is helpful, and I've worked out ways to communicate. I can relate to what you say, some days are still tricky and energy-sapping. Knife edge sounds about right. But those days seem fewer to me, now. It feels like I can feel normal again now, on other days. I wonder if this will continue, until this can be a memory?

I'm so pleased you posted! Thank you for words of encouragement. I wish you all the best for your recovery

Ooh I have found my people :) I had a stress induced brief psychotic episode in July (so quite recently).
I had sex - themed delusions and I was convinced I was part of an Interpol investigation. It was very scary but I wasn't offered any medication and I wasn't hospitalized.
I am slowly getting back to normal and having therapy.
My relationship of many years broke down in the middle of it all and it was very terrifying to realize that I am truly all alone in all of that as my family and friends are hundreds kilometers away and the GP here was beyond useless (I am not in the UK).
All delusions and paranoia are truly gone now but I still have shit days where my brain turns to mash.
I sometimes remember the story I made up and I marvel at the logic behind it. It would be very believable if it hadn't been all made up :)
I hope my psychosis will not come back but I hope of it does, I will be able to spot it early enough.
It's a very scary place when you are up in your mind and you cannot stop the thoughts.
Well done on your recovery OP!

Hello, lonelySam! Welcome on board...!

Sorry to hear about your episode. That IS recent... interesting how many of us had Interpol themes... I'm glad you managed to steer away from meds and hospital, and wish you much strength in your continued recovery. It's very scary indeed, yes. Sorry about your relationship, too. It must be so difficult Yes, a lot of us are in that lonely place, I think. Sorry to hear that.

I know exactly what you mean about marvelling at the logic. Some of the stories in my delusions were the stuff of adventure/crime novels. It's really painful to think back.

Thank you for your post, and best of luck with your continued recovery

@GreenApplesBlueSky out of curiosity (but you don't need to tell), do you know what caused your psychosis?

@lonelySam
I had so many tests as originally I thought it was something autoimmune. Two of my markers keep coming back positive, but various medics have said they are like this for healthy ppl too, and not to worry.

I also had an MRI and EEG, both normal.

The only conclusion I can draw is that it was stress. I’m divorced but in a loving relationship, although my DP has quite a stressy set up and I’d had bad sleep for some time leading up to my episode. I don’t have much family, and none nearby. I had alienated my friends. I am now having CBT for my anxiety and that helps enormously.

How about you? It sounds like you are socially isolated and this can be a big factor.

@GreenApplesBlueSky I was similar, isolated and stressed out and also sleep deprived and tired. I also had the episode after my second session in therapy which led to the diagnosis of stress - induced psychosis and they are not looking into anything else.

Hi I had a bad episode of psychosis in 2012; I was very paranoid & delusional. At one point the police were called to my home. I was treated at home by the mental health team with Risperidone which didn't work then Aripiprazole which had bad side effects initially but worked well.

My initial diagnosis was depression with psychosis but now it's changed to schizoaffective disorder.

I'm on Aripiprazole 30mg. I also take 337.5mg Venlafaxine MR & anti epileptics for Epilepsy.

I still get breakthrough symptoms of psychosis such as visual & audio hallucinations when I'm stressed & tired, plus the paranoia can be worse at some times more than others.

I still feel angry & upset about events in 2012 as I lost the career I worked hard for. I still work in a related job in the same large organisation part time & I know certain people have gossiped about me or are wary of me.
But my true friends & my family have stayed by me.

Well done, it sounds like you're doing great.

Not pyschosis, but I was hospitalised for a long time last year due to my OCD/emetophobia spiralling out of control. I find it very useful to label thoughts as 'real/not real' in my mind. When I'm not able to do this, my partner does it for me.

I'm sorry this thread is old but I'm worried about my niece. She is having delusions that are frightening us as a family, we are worried she will harm herself.

This was triggered by the breakdown in a friendship but my niece has also been smoking cannabis for many years and has now abruptly stopped (we advised her to stop).

5 days now of being free from cannabis and it has been nothing but a worry, my husband called the crisis team 3 nights ago because of some of the statements she was making which were delusional and paranoid and included thoughts of suicide.

We have all been supporting her as a family but it's got to the point now that my niece is angry and threatening suicide. We have GP involved who has prescribed her some sertraline, we are all visiting regularly and been on the phone to her whenever she needs it, but tonight it has escalated so much.

What will the crisis team do if my sister calls again? Will they section my niece? She thinks this is part of the conspiracy