Not accepting yourself - anyone else feel like this?

[BrokenArrows]

Like many of us on here I’ve had kids. I put on a lot of weight with the first and it took me years to work it all off. I was devastated when I got pregnant the second time because I knew all of my hard work would be undone again. Luckily I only put on about 35-40lbs with the second one (vs 80 with the first), but the second birth was an emergency caesarean. I managed to loose all the baby weight and a stone more due to a combination of diet, exercise and stress. I was at my lowest weight since being a teenager but I still wasn’t happy because I’ve been left with a terrible flap of saggy skin - aka the caesarean pouch. Pre lockdown I was a size 8-10, but now due to emotional eating and being stuck at home with a verbally and emotionally abusive husband I’ve climbed back up to a size 10-12. Despite all of the weight loss I’ve got wobbles and flabby bits that I will never be happy with. I hate myself so much, and I can’t stop comparing myself to beautiful and perfect instagram influencers - some obviously much younger than me with no children, and then some with children where I scratch my head and think damn, how did you pop 3 babies out and still look like that in a bikini. And I know that they’re not perfect either and that it’s Instagram and their photos are edited. But I still can’t help but feel that way.

I’d love to be able to wear jeans and and tuck in my shirt, but I don’t because I have this disgusting saggy belly. From the outside most people do say I’m pretty, but I feel like such a fraud because I’m such a wreck underneath.

I know I shouldn’t and many people will think I’m ridiculous, but I get so upset at the fact I will never wear a swimsuit / bikini again it brings me to tears. I avoid booking beach holidays or places too hot. That I can’t wear the styles of clothing I like and that I used to - and that I know would look good on me if it weren’t for this belly and chunky thighs.

I am having serious relationship troubles with my husband (he has never said anything really bad about my looks btw), and I feel like a divorce is on the cards in the next couple years. And I worry who the hell would want me if I start dating again after 40? A saggy mess. I’m sure many will think I’m shallow, and I guess that’s their perspective. I know I’m not. Does anyone else feel like this? All I hear people talking about it to love yourself, love your body, body positivity, blah blah blah, but I just can’t. I can’t unsee what I see. Does anyone else feel this way?

A bump for you Op.

I've felt like this for years despite a DH who loves me whatever shape or size I am. I've recently tried to stop the constant negative thinking by replacing whatever I think with 'I am enough'. I don't know what to advise you because I know the way I think is because of various things that have gone on in my life, but I just didn't want you to think that you are alone.

I too have the ‘pouch’, a crinkly tummy and tiger stripes to match. I have been highly self conscious of my body since childhood to the extent that I’ve never worn a bikini. I've been through phases of loathing for my body.

The biggest change for me has come from switching up my feeds on social media - go and follow some body positivity accounts (I know, I know, but once you really get into it, and once the algorithms change you’re suddenly exposed to all this wonderful imperfection!) and for me it’s really changing the way I see myself. For the first time in years I’ve come to realise that my imperfections are beautiful, normal and downright sexy, if I allow them to be. We are taught to hate ourselves from a young age, and it’s really fucking sad.

Try @jessmegan and @bodyposipanda and @tayneetinsley - I think they are all just fab.