Not coping

[motherf88]

DH has recently been diagnosed with a serious neurodegenerative health condition. He's ok right now (has flare ups and has just come out of one), but long term prognosis unlikely to be good. DH, as is his right, doesn't want to tell anyone until it becomes obvious. I completely accept he has a right to privacy, but I am not coping well at all. I feel the need to vent to someone. I'm scared I'm going to end up as his carer, doing all household things, working ft to pay the mortgage, raising the children. I've been crying all day because it's just too much.

The house is a mess, I can't focus on work, I'm behind with everything. If I can't cope now, how the hell am I going to in future? I can't even escape for a coffee with a friend because I'll end up crying and can't tell them why.

I basically just want to run away and never have to deal with anything ever again. There's absolutely no point to this post. Total pity party. Sorry to anyone who's wasted their time reading this.

You are in shock and thinking a million miles ahead. Is there a charity that can offer you support. It would be confidential and give you a safe place to work things through.

Break down one thing at a time. Ref the house it is amazing how much you can get done in one hour chunks. Put on some music and go through a room for a whole hour. No stopping.

Talk to DH about what support you both need looking a head. Organising things like wills and power of attorney are practical things you need to think about when you feel ready

Just take each day as it comes. And try not to think too far ahead.

If someone told you their DH had just died and thry weren't coping you would say "of course you aren't - that's normal". You are in a very similar situation emotionally speaking.

You probably both need counselling. If DH doesn't want it/feel the need that shouldn't stop you getting some. You might be able to get some free through work (it's still confidential and the issue doesn't have to be work related).

Without knowing how recent the diagnosis is or what the likely timescales you're looking at are it's difficult to give further advice. I would suggest speaking to work sooner rather than later if you're going to take on significant caring responsibilities (they can be outsourced to a degree of you have funds available). You'll likely need adjustments to working hours, flexible working etc.

If you have a particularly close friend who is trustworthy I'd probably share with them (maybe discuss with DH first depending on how you think he will react).

Also don't assume that dh will continue to cope well; there will be realisations that come slowly and accepting a debilitating condition is a long process.

Thanks @unicornsarereal72 that does help. You are right, I need to stop thinking too far ahead.

Good idea @User0ne I think work do provide a confidential counselling service. I'll look into it.

Sorry to hear that op, you have every right to throw a pity party. Some great suggestions here already. Don't be too hard on yourself, you don't need to have a tidy home right now, just prioritise you're families emotional needs for now. You can always vent here if you need to, good luck