Teetering on the edge...

[mylittleavalon]

I think I just need a bit of a sympathetic kick up the backside to be honest but I may as well come out with it, I'm loosing patience with my one year old rapidly and, well I may as well come right out with it, beginning to majorly resent her. She's always been a mixed bag sleeper, starting out well and then giving us a wonderful two months of sleeping 10 hours straight every night and then it went to pot. And I mean times of waking up every hour for weeks on end and sleeping nowhere but next to me/on me. I was so depressed and well meaning friends would say things that would hurt implying it was my fault and id given her these bad habits by feeding her to sleep but the funny thing is I didnt! I used to watch her gently drift of in her cot happy as anything until it all went wrong. Anyway, about two months ago I spent hours of my life watching her cry to put her in the cot for even just one hour of my life back. Then would bring her into bed with me because otherwise I would go insane. Anyway she was getting really good at it and giving me three to four hours of my life back then a simple feed and cuddle another three or four at a time sometimes six!! Then what the hell has happened? It's back to hourly screaming and yelling and thrashing. I have changed nothing and back to square one. Everytime she screams I have to breathe and remind myself she is in pain, upset and to cuddle or comfort. But in the depths of the night to be honest I want to scream and shout back. It's hard on my marriage and I feel like a shell of myself. Whats the point of all the crying and training we did it's worse than before. I don't have the strength to do it again. And to top it all I just met a smug mum in supermarket whose 14 month old has always slept through. She looked so in love with her child and I hate myself for saying this but I'm beginning not to feel like that about my darling babe anymore because she just whines and screams all day and night. Anyone out there? Thanks for listening

Sleep deprivation is horrible. It makes you feel things you didn’t think were possible.

Is your DP helping with this through the night or just you? Do you have family/friends who can support you both?

You say that everytime she screams you cuddle and comfort. Is that necessary? Have you tried leaving her to settle? What’s your daytime routine like? Is she teething or does she have tummy issues?

In your position I’d go back to basics. Start a routine for the day and see if that helps.

Hi Op, there are lots of us out there who've been through similar or are going through the same, it can feel like hell.
It will get easier in time.
Be kind to yourself

Bumping the tbread, hope the day's going well for you mylittleavalon and you've had some peaceful time to yourself.
Hard to think straight when you're overwhelmed.

tbread? *thread

Okay. Breathe. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture. Its a cruel and unusual punishment.

How you feel isn't how you feel. It's how this tortured version feels.

So a big hug.

Short term: can any one have her over night? Fuck Corona and all the rules, you need a break. Desperately.

Where is her dad? What's he doing whilst this is occuring?

Long term.

Routine during the day: vital. Make sure she is napping, drinking and eating well.

Now. Is her tummy hurting her? Could she have reflux? It's not just little babies that suffer with it. CMPA? Have you spoken to a health visitor?

What's the name of the organisation that organises people to go and support parents?

This would give you a much needed break.

Thankyou all so much for your replies especially being reminded that how I'm feeling is the result of sleep deprivation is a source of comfort. I do have a supportive husband, he is helping me most of the time but it is hard when she's breastfed. She has been having a really good routine. Three good meals and nap in morning (about three hours after waking) and afternoon (about the same depending on what we are doing). Both naps around an hour and either in pram or sling as much as possible. Sometimes she would refuse a morning nap so I would then take her to bed and feed her to sleep after lunch and she would sleep 2-2.5 hours. I try not to feed her to sleep in the day. This was all going well but now she is off her food and only seems to want snacky things or fruit despite me sticking to three meals around the table. Starting to get really picky too. Is it just the age? Or teeth? She can't walk yet and can only really say yes, dada and baba so maybe she's frustrated. She also had jabs last thursday and even though her personality had started to seem to change before then it cant have helped. I think I'm going to survive for this week and see how she goes, keep up routine etc ,she may be still suffering from jabs or teeth, but after that I think some sleep training is back in order. Thanks again for all your kind words. Family live a 9 hour drive away but in laws com

Coming to stay end of September and even though haven't always seen eye to eye mil very good with the baby and knows I need a break so I will count down days till then