How quick is too quick after losing a partner to date again?

[HeidiHoNeighbour]

Admittedly this came to mind because of the Lewis Burton story in the papers.
He is on holiday with a new partner and Caroline Flacks mum is not happy.

She died in February.

Is he supposed to never have another relationship?
Should he wait a year? Two?

My aunt moved her partner in to her house a month after my uncles funeral.
It’s weird but she is happy and so are her (grown) children.

Nigella Lawson didn’t take too long to marry after losing her husband.

How long would you wait?

@Sophoa

I think it’s important to understand that grief doesn’t finish when you start to see someone new, it co-exists. In my case my husband had terminal cancer for 3 years. I would say that my acute grief was in the months following his diagnosis. His death brought a sense of peace and a realisation that I could start to live a life again. The man I am seeing had the same experience but over a much longer period of time.

Our relationship is very under the radar and we have kept it as private as possible - no overnight stays, no family events as a couple. The people who know about it are thrilled for us. And I genuinely believe that. However, there will be people who judge, unless you have walked in our shoes you just don’t know.

All I can say is that my morning texts and chat, my goodnight texts and chat and anything which we text or chat during the day makes a dark time so much more manageable and brings some joy and hope back into my life. What can be wrong with that?

Totally agree, your last paragraph was exactly how I felt too.

He leaked the photos of the the bloodied bedroom to friends. This photo being leaked absolutely devastated CF. Her mum is well within her rights to comment about him. He's one to watch and not in a good way.

It’s a personal choice, as long as you’re the only one involved.

I know someone who had a new woman staying over in the house with his children within weeks of his wife’s death. It was the house the children’s mum had died in. I am of the view that if you need to move forward for yourself then crack on, but you don’t have the right to make that decision for your children.

I was in ICU a few years ago and the future looked a bit bleak (they were talking hour by hour sort of thing,) and one of DP’s work colleagues said that it’s not uncommon for men to move on fast after a bereavement so DP shouldn’t feel guilty about moving on. And I wasn’t actually dead yet.

There was a survey out a few years ago and an astonishingly high number of people thought it was unacceptable to ever move on after a bereavement.

As for the people who say that moving on quickly is disrespectful, disrespectful to who? The deceased is dead, they’re not coming back. And they’re not going to be around to be sad that their partner has moved on quickly....

I know someone who had a new woman staying over in the house with his children within weeks of his wife’s death. It was the house the children’s mum had died in. I am of the view that if you need to move forward for yourself then crack on, but you don’t have the right to make that decision for your children.

I totally agree with this. My home and the guy i am seeing’s home must be a safe place for the children and i personally think you need to be very very careful when you bring a new partner into it. We’ve both been in each other’s houses, but only when the children are out.

As for the people who say that moving on quickly is disrespectful, disrespectful to who? The deceased is dead, they’re not coming back. And they’re not going to be around to be sad that their partner has moved on quickly....

Totally agree with this too. It’s not disrespectful to the dead person at all, they’re dead. However, I also agree that one needs to tread carefully with the deceased families. His wife’s sister knows about us and is fine with it but her mum doesn’t and he needs to decide when the right time to tell her is. Equally my husbands family don’t know and I need to be sure when it’s the right time to share it with them. For me, that’s the bit about having respect and being sensitive to how hard it might be for them

@Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel

He leaked the photos of the the bloodied bedroom to friends. This photo being leaked absolutely devastated CF. Her mum is well within her rights to comment about him. He's one to watch and not in a good way.

So he should have hidden them away? Not got support or given evidence to mates in case things got worse? That's funny, women are told to keep and circulate evidence of their abuse all the time.

He did nothing wrong and he is still not doing anything wrong.

He wasn't a 'partner', they were not living together, had only been going out a short period of time, no commitments together. Nothing like a long marriage or partnership.

She ended her life, the relationship did not, she did so herself.

Nigella Lawson's husband wanted her to
Marry the second one. IIRC