im worried sick my 9 month is showing signs of autism

[dubh1986]

Hi im looking for advice or reassurance from mum's out there that could shed some light i never wrote on any of these threads before but i feel i have the weight on my shoulders as i'm completely worried about my daughter at the minute and am searching for answers.
She is 9 months next week, she has only fleeting eye contact with me, when i pick her up from her grandparents she couldn't care less and doesn't know her name she doesn't really smile at me and has an obsession with her hands and feet flaps alot, when i go on the web (i know i shouldn't but cant help myself) and write even one of these things in autism is the main thing that comes up.
physically she is a very healthy girl and loves playing with her toys and loves to laugh, she has started to babble but there is alot of high pitch screams in there (another symptom of ADS) she was delayed in sitting up but with loads of practice over the past month she has hit her mile stone giving me huge relief. I don't want to spend the rest of "baby years" in a state of panic so i wanted to see if any other mamas out there been in the same position with there little ones.

She's doing everything a 9 month old should do. Blink and the baby years are over, you are going to waste them worrying unnecessarily.

She's 9 months old, she hasn't missed her sitting up milestone. My ds still doesn't know his own name and he's nearly 2 (I think he has selective hearing!!!)! Honestly, she's 9 months old, stop googling, breathe and maybe get some help for your anxiety

I have a 9 month old too and he screams so loud it goes right through me! He can be sitting happily in his high chair and then Eeeek! a random scream and then nothing. I think it's just them experimenting.
I think it's natural to worry about something being wrong but, from what I've read, it's only with older children that you can get an autism diagnosis and, at this young age, there is a huge spectrum of normal as babies develop at their own pace.

Sometimes mums have a sixth sense and sometimes we over analyse.

I would keep a eye on it and if there are other signs or worries there’s no harm in speaking to a health professional but overall I would try not to focus on this too much and just try to enjoy having a little one and focus your attention on playing and caring for her.

She sounds just like my nine month old but nothing he does alerts me to autism. I have worked with many, many children with (and without) autism and your DD sounds like a completely normal baby.

I'm not usually this massive worrier but its all I can think about at the moment, I never really worried for the first 7 months i was very relaxed about her but the eye contact is just a massive concern since i started to notice at 7 months. I have 2 friends that have autistic children i haven't discussed anything with them as i dont want to give the whole thing too much attention so i do think that i am hyper sensitive to the whole thing. I rang the health nurse at the beginning of the month and she visited us in our house, she did see what i was talking about and said the same as you guys that they are so small and develop at different rates at this stage of life but she did say that she would be 20% worried there is no autism in neither myself or my partners families but its just playing on my mind so much. I have asked to be referred to a developmental pediatrician and i am awaiting an appointment

that's a positive to hear @bloodywhitecat i just want to hear from other mamas out there , i have friends with kids but they cant really remember that stage and as i said i didnt want to be going on about it to them

@dubh1986 So I'm not a mum yet, but I do have autism and I wanted to let you know that even if your baby is autistic it's not the end of the world. They can still have a full and fulfilling life (possibly at their own pace) but a full and fulfilling life nonetheless. It's not a death sentence, nor is it your (or their) fault, I would try not to get too worked up about it. If you are very worried, what I recommend is educating yourself on raising an autistic child, and what extra support / medical info etc they might need in order to help them out as best you can. If your child does turn out to be autistic, the best thing you can do is have as much information as possible and give them as much support and backing as you possibly can.

However, this is just a possibility- I wouldn't recommend assuming your child has autism until they are older and capable of getting a diagnosis- I think a reliable age for this is around two? Even so, some autistic people get diagnosed as adults, and some don't get diagnosed at all - I think there is a genetic component to it as well, so if you have no family history then the chances go down a bit.

Whether she is or isn't, you're not going to help her by panicking or treating her differently than you might a neurotypical child. She may easily grow out of her behaviour, so all you can do is educate yourself on the possibility without holding out expectation or panic. Autistic or not, she's still a person and still your baby. Good luck! X

With all due respect you should seek help for your anxiety.

Also eye contact isn't some magical autism sign. Also I have two autistic children, they are awesome I have no doubt that your dd would be too if in the future you learned she was autistic.

It really is too early to tell at 9 months and I say that as my DS was dxd at 28 months. By 15 months I knew (but he had developed epilepsy at 9months so was on lookout). First signs for my boy were not looking when called his name, walking on tiptoes all the time, no pointing or waving.

Thank you @bananabeachhouse for your message, you are so right on so many levels i think im more afraid of the unknown than anything else for her and me. I just see both my friends and their kids have an extreme autism and possible other issues and it frightens me so much. As you said autism or no autism she is my daughter and I love her with my whole heart. I'm just searching for answers that i will probably never get.

@dubh1986 No worries! I guess think of it this way, either she's never been autistic, or she's always been autistic - therefore she's still going to be the same little girl you've been raising for 9mo. If you have a support network/ group of friends who have children who are autistic, then that's great and I'm sure you can ask them a lot of questions (possibly the children too, if they're comfortable with that and old enough to be coherent). There's nothing to be actively worrying about whatever the situation - you know your daughter the best out of anyone, and you're going to be able to support her whether she is autistic or not. Try and remember there's no loss involved, she either is or she isn't and either is okay! All you can do is support her either way :) xx

OP as someone who has also worried in the past about this, it is far far too early to know. I used to worry about my little boy all the time. He is now 17 months and to be honest I don't really see any common autistic traits in him anymore.

Try not to worry, although easier said than done. Even if you do get a diagnosis it really isn't the end of the world. Ur daughter is still ur daughter and always will be x

So I'm not a mum yet, but I do have autism and I wanted to let you know that even if your baby is autistic it's not the end of the world

Just wanted to back up this poster.

DD is 2.5 now, with a speech delay. She has some ASD traits, but has come on hugely in the last six months or so. We’re waiting for a SLT appointment now, and I’ll be amazed if we don’t get further confirmation that she has ASD. I’m determined to not let her slip through the net knowing how girls can be undiagnosed.

I was like you, worrying myself sick between July and December of last year. It totally ruined that period of time at home with her and I regret how my anxiety meant I couldn’t just spend time with my little girl without a cloud hovering over me.

Please step away from Google and talk to people in real life. I was able to speak to some ex colleagues who had been in the same position as me, and seeing how their kids were thriving at school and socially made me realise that it’s going to be ok.

Get off Google and celebrate the progress your dd is making. If (and that’s a big IF) you continue to have worries between 18 and 24 months, flag them then.

I went through this exact same scenario with DS.

Started high pitch screaming/nodding his head all the time etc and I googled myself silly convinced he had autism

He is fine, doesn't have it as far as I'm aware and quickly outgrew the bizarre screaming and nodding

Just keep an eye, as you would naturally as a mother, but don't let it take over and cause anxiety

@Flynn2019 did you, what things was your little one doing that gave you concern as i said in previous posts im worried and anxious about the unknown i feel like if i knew she was or she wasnt i would have an answer and can move on but its the consent monitoring her movements is getting too much, my partner and grandparents think im crazy but i feel that they dont want to look at things to much.

@TerribleCustomerCervix Thank you for saying this! (also very cool name by the way). I also just wanted to say thank you for clearly being knowledgeable about ASD, as well as the low rates of diagnosis in women. It's a very difficult time for girls / women with ASD, particularly when the medical system fails them as they don't present how an autistic boy would, and when they have parents who who reject or belittle their autism (both were unfortunately the case for me!). I just wanted to say, if you really suspect that your DD has autism then keep pushing for a diagnosis, even if it means finding a specialist. Getting an incorrect diagnosis which cut off the possibility of an autism diagnosis for a long time for me was an incredibly difficult struggle, and often left me in the mental space of; "if I'm not autistic, then I'm a shit person for having the choice not to have these issues / traits and still not taking it."

So, I just wanted to say thank you for looking after your DD and trying to find the best support for her. It's often more convenient to turn a blind eye to these problems, particularly due to the social stigma of ASD, so I'm always keen to support parents who are really making an effort to help their children. Thank you and good luck! x

Sympathies OP, I know how hard it is when you go down a worry spiral in this regard. Google is not your friend, as I am sure you are aware.

9 months is very young to make any sort of assessment or get any sort of feeling about Autism. With that said, I am a big believer in maternal instinct and it wouldnt be at all unreasonable to ask for a paediatrician referral to look into the lack of eye contact you describe. Has her vision ever been checked?

I have an older autistic child, and autism isn't something to fear. I think of autism as a variation of normal. Like every child, my son with autism is fascinating. He has been hard work but nothing that I wouldn't do again! She may not be autistic anyway, but I think it is important to focus on your child as being a lovely unique individual and not wishing they were something they are not.

@ScarMatty thank you for you response yes i need to stop on google i really know this, i could put anything in the search bar and it will tell me she has autism. I find that my both friends children have very extreme autism and possible other issues (they are 22 months and 7 years old) and it scares me so much, it like im on a mission to get answers. I need to enjoy her and she gives me so much joy when i hear her laugh it lifts me so much.

bananabeachhouse, thank you, that really means so much!!!

DD’s speech has really started to pick up recently, and DH, who is a bit more head in the sand, asked if we wanted to still push for a paediatrician appointment if she continued to make progress. I was like EH, YES! And that is entirely thanks to women like you on MN who have been so open sharing how a diagnosis has made things easier for them, or how they wish they’d known as a girl that there wasn’t anything wrong or weird about them, they just had ASD!

As a parent to two autistic children I can say this...1 of them flagged a radar in me that something was amiss so to speak from an early age-he was diagnosed at 7-is now 10 and masks it well. The other on the other hand-developed “normally” and did not raise suspicion until he was 5, he’s now 8 and is increasingly struggling with what life throws at him.

The point to my story? Who they are as a baby bears no resemblance to the child/adult they become.

@TerribleCustomerCervix Genuinely, well done you! There is still SO much stigma around autism, particularly in girls, and the more we as a community start pushing for more diagnoses and better care, the more the stigma around autism will reduce! As I see it, it is better to be slightly over-prepared and give the opportunity for more support (obviously not getting an incorrect diagnosis though!) even if your child doesn't have autism, and just autism-like traits. If you can, or even in the future, just keep pushing and reaffirming with your DD that she can take things at her own pace and doesn't HAVE to compete with the NT community in order to be valued - I definitely fell into the category of autistic women who thought I had to prove that I "wasn't autistic in the unsexy way", or that I was "autistic but good enough to get a job" which is AWFUL, and mostly because my parents didn't support my autism. (I've since become much more vocal about my experiences, particularly in calling people out when they use anti-disabled slurs around me because they can't easily tell I'm autistic).

Anyway, sorry tangent over, I'm very enthusiastic! All I wanted to say is I'm rooting for you and your DD, and if you ever want someone to chat to I'm here :) xx

@dubh1986 I got the high pitch screaming around 6 month mark, around 10 month mark he would occasionally cover his ears and intentionally bang his head on things. I got worried when he turned 1 as he didn't really say any words. Fast forward to 17 months and he doesn't high pitch scream, doesn't cover his ears, he does still bang his head on occasion but I think it's an attention thing or frustration. Oh and now he doesn't stop talking and can say around 30 words. Please please don't worry. Things change all the time with kids and my husband used to think I was nuts too. You won't know anything until she is a good bit older so just try and relax and enjoy her xxx