Best age gap between kids?

[mami26]

I'm a mum of one at the moment. DD is nearly 16 months. Originally I wanted an age gap of approx 4 years. I know these things can't be planned perfectly but that was my hope. However I've recently found myself seeing a lot of pros for a smaller age gap and would love another sooner rather than later. DH disagrees and would rather a bigger age gap. Just wondering what the age gap is between your children and whether it worked well?

4 years here and has worked well in many ways. Eldest started school when youngest was 3 months so got to spend lots of one on one time with youngest before returning to work. Didn't have to pay two massive nursery/childminder bills at the same time. Eldest was toilet trained and understood when I had to do stuff with baby .
Negatives are that they are quite different ages/stages now. Eldest is 9 and youngest 5 so although they play together sometimes the eldest isn't really into toys etc so much now and likes to wind her younger sister up. Also there are times when eldest wants to do stuff with youngest is too small/young to do.
Generally though it has worked well.

3 years 11 months here and working well. Biggest DC is old enough to understand about baby and got quite involved while pregnant choosing things reading stories about getting a sibling etc and is a great ‘helper’ loves getting things for baby, reading them stories. Getting plenty of one on one time with baby when biggest is at nursery and then having one on one time with biggest after nursery when dad has finished WFH and has the baby. The pro for me is that I have had a couple of years back at work (part time) which has been great for me and provided more stability in terms of finances (climbed the ladder a bit further and have excellent maternity package) for a growing family and not going to have 2 nursery bills at the same time. Personally I don’t think I would have coped well with any less of a gap (that’s just me being honest I know lots of people want a smaller gap). On the flip side my sister has 3 under 4 as she wanted 3 and the baby stage out of way quickly and that has worked for them.

5 years 1 month here ( to the day!) and although it wasn't planned ( we needed IVF for DC2 ), i wouldn't have it any other way. No rivalry or jealousy, DC1 is old enough to be useful ( eg fetch nappies/wipes/clothes which she enjoys doing ), i can leave DC2 in his bouncer while i pop to the loo without worrying about what might happen. DC1 is also at school 5 days a week which means i get to devote my time to DC2

The larger gaps of about 5yrs are easiest for parents, children get along but it’s as big one and little one, not as peers.
I have a three year gap which is nice, was easy for me as three years old was old enough to be more independent, they get on brilliantly but my kids with 18month gap and 2yr gap are closer as they are into more similar things at the same time and share friends. The smaller gap is harder for me with baby and toddler but is better for the kids I think.

We will have a just over 2 year gap. I wanted to be able to interest them both (as far as possible) with days out as they got older and decided the closer age gap was better for this. Obviously you can never guarantee they will be friends but I think a closer age gap helps.

Plus, frankly, I've found the baby and toddler stage quite tough - I want to be out of the nappies and naps stages asap.

2.4 months here.

I wanted to do the 'life stages' at a similar time so we could grow together as a family. I have relatives who had a 7 year gap and I feel that the youngest got a bit of a short straw because everyone they knew was well past the baby stage by the youngest came along, so they missed out on a lot.

The early years were difficult though, as we had two in nappies for while, childcare costs and having to juggle both nursery and primary school runs at the same time.

6 years between DS1 and DD, then 23 months between DD and DS2. I much preferred the bigger gap, I struggled some days with a tantrumming toddler and a crying baby both demanding attention! Now 18, 12, and 10 and all get along well, for the most part. There was a little patch when the boys struggled a bit, no shared interests and DS2 (then around 5/6) would wind DS1 (13/14) up a lot but it didn't last too long, definitely under a year.

I think most people will think whatever age difference they have is the perfect one!

We ended up with an age difference of 19 months, which wasn't what we had planned but has worked out beautifully. It was hard when they were little but totally worth it as they get on wonderfully and share most of their interests and friends.

There will be nearly 5 years between DD and the twins I'm pregnant with.
At first I was upset that it wasn't 2 years but now I'm glad as DD is independent and obviously toilet trained and I'll be able to dedicate time to the twins without having a toddler running around as well. Also financially it works better

I found 3 years (and 1 month) worked well for us. DC1 had finished using baby equipment (pushchair, cotbed) so we could then use them for DC2. Plus as others have said, DC1 was already out of nappies and a little bit independent when DC2 arrived. I was working and felt that I had a good amount of time back at work before going on maternity leave again.

Now they are older (6 and 9) they play together and the age gap isn't too bad for different interests.

18 months here and it is working well. Considering another another DC when our youngest turns 1.

The positives outweigh the negatives imo. Yes sleepless nights and lots of little hands needing my help but they will be interested in the same type of activities roughly at the same time (ish) I enjoy the newborn stage which helps. On the other end of the scale there is 12 years between me and my youngest sibling and I remember being excited to finally be a big sister. No jealousy, could help my DM with the odd nappy change, making bottle etc plus once my sibling got older they had quality time with DPs and also did fun things with us (4 other siblings) so my DM says that worked well for us all too.

3 years 1month here. I wanted quite a big gap. Mostly it's been great, they're now 5 and 2. It's hard as dd2 has definitely hit the terrible twos. Dd1 didnt go through it much and they do fight a lot atm as dd2 struggles with her emotions. Dd1 is a star most of the time but does get frustrated that often she ends up giving in to dd2 just to calm her down

I always thought a smaller age gap was better as they are more likely to be close. My sister is five years older than me and while we are close now we had nothing in common growing up. A five year gap is huge when you're a kid. We were an alien species to each other 😂.

That being said, DS turns three next month and I doubt he will be getting a sibling any time soon. I do think two or three years would have been ideal but I don't want to bring another child into the world until it's a bit more normal again. So there is a good chance there will be another five year age gap or possibly bigger in the family 😂.

There are positives and negatives to all gaps. As someone who felt we did not have the luxury to choose our gap (2+ yrs ttc eldest so didn't use contraception from as soon as we felt like we had our heads above water in the hope we manged to have a second), we ended up with much less than we ever imagined.

Just under 23 months between them and pregnancy was awful, the guilt of not being able to enjoy your eldest when so sick and the exhaustion was so hard. I look at pictures of her at that age and still feel so guilty about what I missed out on.

Newborn and toddler was tough too but less so than pregnancy. You don't get to enjoy the baby phase though as you are just surviving through it.

They are now almost 2 and 3.5 and I am certainly seeing the positives, they now play together. When we go places, both already have similar interests and that will get even better as younger one grows over next 6 months and they have built a wonderful bond being together all day everyday in lockdown.

If I'd had the bigger gap I would have planned for, I would have got to enjoy eldest as a toddler and youngest baby days but this stage would be tougher

3 years and 7 months between my two. I wanted a smaller gap but had secondary infertility and needed ivf for dd2. The gao has worked well for us - they are now 15/11 and absolute best friends, have adored each other from day 1.

2 yrs 6 months here. They're such good friends, for them I think it was the perfect age gap. Definitely easier too when you go out since they're more likely to want to do the same things.

It’s all swings and roundabouts. No perfect answer. My MIL had two boys very close to ether and they detest each other - my eldest and youngest are 5.5 years apart and are as thick as thieves. Ultimately it’s a compatible personality that dictates whether they’ll get on rather than age.

Two very close together can play well if they get on but a few years apart means you have more time to spend with baby while the older one is at nursery/ school.

Swings and roundabouts I tell ya!

26 months between ny two. They are 6 and 4 and adore each other! They are so close. It was completely unintentional as we had fertility problems with the first so thought we'd better crack on with no. 2 in case it took as long...it didn't. They are interested in the same things and play together all the time. I wouldn't want another one now as the gap would be too big.