Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Need some advice on how to approach my parents

30 replies

Serveuse · 24/08/2020 01:34

I'm just looking for some advice, or for someone to point me in the right direction for advice.

12 years ago my parents bought a house and encouraged me to do it with them. I lived there for 6 years. It wasn't that I was still living at home and paying rent each month. It was supposed to be an investment for all of us. My name was on the mortgage. Each month I paid half of the mortgage and they paid the other half. They told me that when it came time for me to move out and buy my own place they would sell the house, downsize, and give me back the money I had paid in so that I would have a decent deposit and a good credit rating.

Well I got pregnant and they told me I needed to move out and be a family unit with my DP. They said it wasn't a good time to sell but they would keep an eye on the housing market and when the right time came they'd do it.

I'd put most of my wages in to the shared house, so that + a disastrous move abroad for a job that fell through only a few months later meant my savings were depleted. I didn't have enough for a deposit for a house in the area so I started renting.

I'm still renting. While I have not struggled to pay rent or bills, I don't have any debt etc., I have struggled to save a deposit on my own.

In desperation I asked them if they'd consider being guarantors for me. They said no, it's too risky for them. I must be irresponsible with my money if I hadn't managed to save a house deposit in the 6 years I've been renting. I tried to show them all of my financial information but they didn't want to see it.

I'm almost 32 now and I'm terrified of renting forever. I hate it so much.

Maybe I am being an absolute dickhead and a horrible, greedy daughter but I think that if my parents had said that the money I paid each month was actually rent and the house was theirs alone I would not have taken them up on the offer. They feel that I'm being incredibly unfair and cruel to them, expecting them to sell a home that they love.

OP posts:
igot20joe · 24/08/2020 01:44

Your parents’ behaviour has been appalling. Hopefully the wonderful @Collaborate might be able to see this and give you some advice.

Are you on the deeds?

You can force a sale if you need to, but it would need a solicitor’s involvement. Can you afford to speak to one for an hour?

igot20joe · 24/08/2020 01:46

Also don’t forget, when the house sells you are entitled to your half of the profit/increase in equity, not just getting your deposit back! They have really done a number on you.

Serveuse · 24/08/2020 02:02

I don't know if I was on the deeds. I know when I moved out I signed something for them but I don't have a copy of it.
I was so young and I thought it was so generous of them because it meant I'd be able to live in a nice house in a nice area within walking distance of uni and only a short commute to my job. I think I actually would have spent less living in the house share I had planned. At the very least I wouldn't be feeling like they had tricked me.

I don't want to hurt my relationship with them but I do feel like they are being unfair. On the other hand I hate feeling like I am being greedy and entitled.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Alwaysinpain · 24/08/2020 02:05

Wow! You've been scammed by your own parents...

Go onto the Land Registry and for £3 you can view the deeds for the house and if there's any remaining mortgage Thanks

roxfox · 24/08/2020 03:17

They have conned you!!!

Aquamarine1029 · 24/08/2020 03:20

Your parents have completely fucked you over. You need to see a solicitor now. Don't wait another day.

Aquamarine1029 · 24/08/2020 03:22

On the other hand I hate feeling like I am being greedy and entitled.

Why on earth would you be greedy or entitled? That house is your house. Again, get a solicitor before this gets any further tits up.

ulanbatorismynextstop · 24/08/2020 04:04

You're not greedy and entitled, your parents have screwed you. You can't even buy while they own that house because you'll have to pay a higher stamp duty. Very few parents would have done this to their children. Go to a solicitor and find out your rights.

HermioneMakepeace · 24/08/2020 04:13

They are the greedy & entitled ones! I can’t believe they would so this to you. Please see a solicitor immediately.

corythatwas · 24/08/2020 08:54

Their response to you re the guarantor shows they know they've conned you. They know where your money has gone, they need you to feel so bad about yourself that you never, ever mention it.

Sorry, no useful advice, I just can't imagine doing this to my children.

HollowTalk · 24/08/2020 08:56

Have you posted about this before? I've read the same thing word for word.

frustrationcentral · 24/08/2020 09:01

Wow that's shocking!!

Shizzlestix · 24/08/2020 09:03

Check if you’re on the deeds. If you are, see a solicitor about forcing a sale. They’ve behaved outrageously!

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 24/08/2020 09:06

Even if you are not on the deeds, you can prove you have paid half the mortgage and that gives you legal rights. You need a solicitor and quickly. Your own parents have scammed you.

middleager · 24/08/2020 09:08

I can't believe they've done this to you.
You need to get tough now. See a solicitor.

Mysa74 · 24/08/2020 09:14

Good luck OP, you've done nothing wrong. I think you're in for a bumpy ride . Get proper advice ASAP...

CoraPirbright · 24/08/2020 09:27

Did you contribute to the deposit when you and your parents bought the house? Or is it only the mortgage payments?

Are you the only child? They might try to pull the whole “oh well, it will be your inheritance one day” excuse but that is NOT what they said when you were entering into this agreement. The fact that they refused to go over your financial ins/outs to prove that you were not ‘irresponsible’ I think shows that they know they are in the wrong.

Greentea93 · 24/08/2020 09:55

Conned

Serveuse · 24/08/2020 12:41

I feel sick reading these comments. I was really prepared to be told off for being awful.

I haven't posted about this before.

I didn't contribute to the deposit and I am an only child. I think they used money that my Grandma left when she died.

I think they've made it pretty clear they don't intend it to be my inheritance either because recently they off handedly mentioned that when they do sell they want to buy a motorhome to go travelling for a couple of years and also buy a small house or flat that they would let out whilst travelling and then move in when they returned. Which is why I started asking about the money I paid in again. I wouldn't have agreed to it if I knew it was going to be done like this.

OP posts:
MaverlousMo · 24/08/2020 17:06

OP you need to see if your still on the deeds of the property then take it from there. Land registry have this information
Can you recall what document you signed ?

Serveuse · 24/08/2020 22:36

If I check the land registry will they get a notification of some sort?

I signed something to get my name taken off the mortgage. They said it would be easier to buy my own house if I wasn't on it anymore.

OP posts:
Serveuse · 25/08/2020 20:07

I am still stressing about this.

If I see a solicitor and they found I know it will destroy our relationship and I don't want that.

I just want to sit down with them and have them explain their decisions and for them to try and see where I am coming from.

OP posts:
Blownaway22 · 25/08/2020 23:49

This is awful. I can’t answer your questions but wonder if you might get more answers if you post under the Legal topic. Good luck?

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 26/08/2020 09:10

I don't think they get a notification if you check the land registry, but I think your relationship isn't what you thought it was. I think you also might need to see a counsellor to work through everything that's gone on here and you may well find yourself viewing them in an entirely new light at some point in the future. They have stolen from you and it's going to be really hard to reconcile that with what you thought your relationship was.
Please get some legal advice. You need to protect yourself and retrieve what is yours.

AbbieFB · 26/08/2020 09:12

For £3 you can download a title plan from the land registry and you will be able to see if the house is in your name as well.