DS does not want to leave home...

[ParkHaYeon]

DS is 17 and will be starting Year 13 in September. He does not want to start as he says it will be his last year at home then he has to go to university and then work etc. He has always been very attached to me though.
Anyone else has a child dreading to leave home for university?

Does he have to leave home to go to university. How far is the nearest one?

@LouiseTrees Our nearest one is about 30 mins away but he wants to go to a top ranking university and our one is not very high in rankings. Most of the ones he applied to are in London which is about 2 hours away from us.

Is uni what he definitely wants or just what he thinks is expected of him by family or school/college.

@Purpledaisychain He wants to study medicine so he has to go to university.

Can he stay at home after year 13 and work for a year? I found with DD that extra year made such a difference. She started uni just before she was 20 and felt ready.

I think they all feel a bit home sick at the thought of going! They will be worried about money, fending for themselves, making friends, washing cooking and cleaning and general life issues.

I'd suggest a year off ..in medicine, it always looks good to be a bit more rounded ( HCP

Not everyone is ready at 18. He doesn't have to go if he doesn't want to. Make sure he knows that.
He also doesn't have to 'leave home'. His home is his home, university is where he is studying. 2 hours away from home isn't far if he wanted to come home at weekends. If he doesn't feel ready yet he can wait for a couple of years. Do some volunteer work related to medicine. Gain some confidence and independence.

If he is not ready to prepare to leave home at 17, I'd be worried about how he will cope at Med school. Being a med student/doctor is tough: physically, emotionally & mentally. You have to be independent. Is this really the best career choice for him? I don't mean this unkindly - I know a lot of unhappy doctors who made their career choice without really understanding what it would involve.

He might be happier in a related field, e.g. medical physics.

I’d use this next year to wean him off his reliance on you and try and get him ready to and actually keen to move out for uni next year. Encourage him to have more independence, socialising with friends, making some meals, his own laundry and finances etc if not already doing himself. but I’d be fully accepting of the fact he may just not be ready next year and that’s not a failure or bad thing- it’s just not the right time for him.

@MissLucyEyelesbarrow

If he is not ready to prepare to leave home at 17, I'd be worried about how he will cope at Med school. Being a med student/doctor is tough: physically, emotionally & mentally. You have to be independent. Is this really the best career choice for him? I don't mean this unkindly - I know a lot of unhappy doctors who made their career choice without really understanding what it would involve.

He might be happier in a related field, e.g. medical physics.

I disagree. A year is a long time at that age. And terms tend to have reading weeks. He can come home for weekends. No matter where he is in the uk he is only ever a day away from home. He sounds lovely, best of luck to him

Are you a doctor @Janejones12?

I agree that the OP's son sounds lovely. I know lots of lovely people who are doctors, but who are very unhappy. You have to be quite tough, not just to survive, but to thrive in medicine. There is no shame at all in deciding that this may not be the right career for him.

My dd1 THOUGHT she was ready to leave home for med school... and when she got there was horribly homesick and 'old friends' sick, and found that going at 18 she was one of the youngest med students there...she found the first year very tough..not academically but mentally and was quite unwell (developed anorexia)

BUT she persevered and settled, and found a core of friends and despite some tough times she is now a very happy doctor (and recovered though she still has support... she locummed for a couple of years after she graduated to decide what she wanted to do and is now in GP training.
It's a tough career to go into, no doubt about it and quite a lot of students find that it is not for them.

But.. a year is a long time.. if he gets a place and is still unsure he could probably defer for a year, however he may find most of his friends have left.
As a side note.. make sure he has applied to a range of Medical schools... not just his favourite 'top ranking' ones. To get a place at any medical school you have to be seriously able, and oddly enough they all turn out doctors....

I went to uni at 18. It wasn't far from home but I stayed in halls. I was so homesick I did cry on a few occasions in the first week but as I started meeting new friends and hanging out with them I loved the whole uni experience. You and his home are all he knows. Once he gets there he'll experience a whole different life and I'm sure he'll love it!

Just to add that my DC is currently at a London university studying medicine. After the recent messing around of the A Level grades, the uni have stated they will defer places until next year to those students whose initial A Level results were downgraded but subsequently reverted back up to the CAG results. This will mean competition for medical places next year will be especially tough as a significant amount of the spaces will have been reserved for this year's cohort.