child without SEN with concentration and focus problems , is that normal ?

[Madremia2019]

Will try explain as much, but please excuse my English. DD is 9 and has been very difficult for couple years, she has been assessed and ruled out any SEN, but I am looking to assessing her privately for dyslexia/dyspraxia/dyscalculia ( school also ruled that out) She is sassy and smart mouth, she can’t concentrate or focus on homework/homeschooling ( tutors told me that she has poor concentration, but is progressing) I have to tell her off or explaining how important is for her to study to see her apply to anything . She rushes her homework if done alone and spends a hour trying get away from doing any relate homeschooling/homework. I tried to explained to her that we can be done quick if she gets on with ( 10 minutes of homework became 1 hour with the outbursts). Couple days ago she started shouting that she wants to die and kill herself! I got very much upset with her and had a awful day as I had to ignore her at same time make sure she was safe. All that because she didn’t spend all day on iPad. She wakes up early (6:30, no matter what time she goes to bed) and rushes to her IPad she stays until the battery dies. If I call for anything study relate she will kick off , after 2 hours on ipad her brain doesn’t work and she can’t process anything , she forgets what she learned the week before or doesn’t read the question properly and gets all answers wrong( she is going to year 5) , if I cut the iPad out and give a time like late afternoon, she spends all day making my life hell until I give in. The best time for us to get homework out of the way is in the morning, but she sees to not understand that she can have the rest of the day free. Does anyone with a 8/9 years old child without SEN related, has problems with they concentration and focus ? How did you deal with this? I know if I give up on her she will fail miserable, as the same teachers that says she doesn’t have a special need also says she needs to focus and progressing.

Well, mine has SN. But I deal with it by putting a passcode on the iPad. Then there's a timer so he can have 1 hour of games and then it's only what's classified as educational apply

I'm not quite sure if you're homeschooling. My rules were : we made a plan of the weeks work On Monday. He had the chance to complain if he thought it wasn't fair. Once it was agreed on, that was it. No screens unless it was finished. Guided Access on if he needed to type something.

During normal term time, only iPad at weekend and all homework must be finished first.

During holidays : 30 minutes each of something sensible (reading etc), creative (drawing, craft), playing nicely with sibling and being outdoors (or sport indoors if bad weather) before screens.

No discussion. We have a chart on the wall.

Op I do think it's fairly normal, not all dc are into learning.
Can you give more background... Has she always been like this or is is lock down.
Does she get out everyday or every few days? Access to other things? Would she watch a film with you?

Hi, I tried the passcode, she would wake up at 5 am and then ask every hour for me to put the passcode in, she only would stop when the iPad hasn’t any more batteries. I end up taking the passcode off as was more tantrums with than without. No homeschooling ( was only on lockdown ) , if I give her something to do she wouldn’t do it unless supervised. Like I gave her 1 hour to do her homework on her own ( something that she could manage in 20 minutes) she would stay on her room and wondering her mind to fairy land!

Her concentration always has been off. The lockdown made worse as we got a routine of do the homeschooling work and she would throw the tantrums every day, until I have to ground her. She just learned to ride a bike this summer ( I tried last year , but she cried screamed tantrum so much that a women left her house to complain ) so I managed this year, but everything I had to have a conversation with her telling her off her behaviour and she managed to stop talking/whining/screaming and listened and learned. She takes long to learn things because she doesn’t focus on learn and focus on whining. Watching anything on tv with her is a struggle as she loses interest quick unless is something new or that she likes. She doesn’t get still for 2 hours in a movie, but does watch.

I tried the passcode, she would wake up at 5 am and then ask every hour for me to put the passcode in, she only would stop when the iPad hasn’t any more batteries. I end up taking the passcode off as was more tantrums with than without.

she spends all day making my life hell until I give in.

So she has learnt to tantrum until you give in. So she knows that next time she can do the same and eventually you will give in.

You need to change how you react to her. Along the lines of "first you do your homework, then you get the iPad." Rinse and repeat. "If you ask me again, you won't have it at all today." "If you're not old enough to understand you need to do your homework first, then I'm not sure you're old enough to use the iPad at all."

It will get better before it gets worse. You need to enforce some boundaries. Of course she won't do her work if she can have the iPad instead. I doubt many kids would. And until she know how to work by herself, you may well have to sit beside her to help her organise it, encourage her to finish it.

I already do this, sometimes takes me 2 hours sitting by her side so she can finish a 10 minutes work. The problem is I work and have another child that is younger than her but can managed his work on his own, he is actually learning same as her because we all have to sit with her until she is done ( and she does all wrong still, so I have to mark with her soon after) . By afternoon my mind and body is exhausted. You right and I managed to said no to ipad yesterday all day, I hide and explained about her behaviour, she still tried. Was mentally exhausted. Still she didn’t do any work on her own.

You right and I managed to said no to ipad yesterday all day, I hide and explained about her behaviour, she still tried. Was mentally exhausted. Still she didn’t do any work on her own.

Well done! It's hard and exhausting, I'll agree with you there. But it will take more than a day. It was about 9 days of no screen before DS caved at the beginning of lockdown and started to do some work on his own. He's quite stubborn when he sets his mind to it though!

he is actually learning same as her because we all have to sit with her until she is done
Why? Ok, if he's interested, but why does he have to sit with her? If he has completed his tasks for the day, he should be allowed to go and play with the tablet if he wants There's nothing wrong with saying DS has done what he has been asked to, you haven't. The sooner you've finished, the sooner you can go and play too.