Fussy Toddler

[peonyblossom]

Hello!

Any words of wisdom about getting a toddler pass the fussy, being a total pain for food stage?

I have an older child who will eat pretty much whatever I serve.

Toddler is only just 2, very verbal. Used to eat fine when I was spoon feeding her, but now wants to feed herself evidenced by her grabbing the spoon shouting "I DO IT!" (fine by me!). She obviously no longer has bottles etc but two cups of milk a day (with lunch and dinner). She drinks water too, whenever she wants but not so much that she's filling up on it.

I cannot get this child to eat dinner. She eats breakfast fine. Picks at lunch but only really wants buttered toast and will leave whatever else I give. Then when it comes to dinner she is awful. Doesn't matter what I give (and I don't give anything particularly exotic, normal family meals like spaghetti bolognese, roasts, fajitas, home made pizzas, cottage pie etc) she just pushes the plate away without even tasting and shouts that 'don't want it, don't like it, take it away!'.

I've tried tiny portions (just a spoonful)

I've tried separating things on the plate/drier foods that she can pick up and eat with her hands if she wants (eldest would never eat anything sloppy/wet when she was small)

I've tried buying plates that stick firmly to her high chair tray (so she can't just chuck them)

I've tried saying 'that's your dinner, there is nothing else' and ignoring it while we all carry on eating

I've tried getting her involved in the cooking process (this is what worked with older child, she'd help and taste as we went along)

I've stopped any snacks (she didn't snack much anyway)

I've tried letting her sit at the big table (instead of in her high chair next to us). She runs off no matter how many times I bring her back. Hence, back in high chair!

I'm aware that things take time, but it's been nearly a month now that we've had a daily battle with it, and she won't eat. I'm trying not to make a big deal of it, or make a fuss, or get cross but I'm at my wits end.

Any suggestions?

Hopeful bump for the evening crowd!

I don’t have any advice but just wanted to give you a bump because it sounds very annoying!

I think I’d be inclined to completely ignore it and assume she’ll give up the power struggle. But I’ve not been through this exact thing.

Maybe she just isn't hungry in the evenings? If she's going to sleep OK, I'd vary her breakfasts to get a range of nutrients in her and just not worry too much about dinner. Put a small portion in front of her then forget about it.

My son is similar, and really front loads his calories- so he will eat LOADS for breakfast/ across the morning, but hardly anything for dinner. It's frustrating but I remind myself that he is growing well, is happy and healthy. He just isn't an adult and doesn't eat like one (yet). Go with the flow, keep doing what you are doing and offer what you are all having, normalise dinner together etc. Ultimately it's your job to offer them healthy food choices, it's their job to eat them! (Obviously if they aren't growing well etc then this might not help!)

Is your child a healthy weight? If so I wouldn't push them to eat dinner. My DD is 26m and has been similar to yours on and off for about 5 months. It is frustrating and stressful so you have my sympathies although even before then my DD has never been a great eater. I make a small portion of whatever we are having for tea on her plate. She has a choice of whether to eat at her little table/chair set or on a big chair at the dining table with me and her dad. But she doesn't have to do either and I will leave her to watch telly in the other room alone if she doesn't want to eat. Usually she eats a tiny bit but a few months ago she rarely ate anything. I don't offer her anything else if she doesn't eat it. If she asks for food before bed I present her dinner back to her which sometimes she will then eat a bit of and sometimes not. She does have a cup of milk before bed though too regardless.

She's a healthy weight and she is tall. Still following the line in her book she has since birth (I weighed her last week). Doing everything she should be developmentally so I've got no health concerns.

She has a multivitamin with iron every day.

It's just so frustrating. As I said she will eat breakfast and eat it well but she'll only eat weetabix or porridge. Nothing else.

It does seem to be a power struggle thing. She asks for snacks a lot so I know she's hungry. She doesn't get them now, but I wonder if this is the right approach, some people have said maybe I should let her graze, but I don't know I've always had it rather set that we eat at the table three meals a day. Letting a young child pick all day long doesn't sit right with me.

I made omelettes with salad for dinner tonight. She picked a bit of cheese off the top of the eggs, then threw a fit shouting that she'd like a crumpet (she loves crumpets). She did eat her yoghurt after (my children get a yogurt for 'pudding' with only proper dessert stuff like cake or ice cream as a treat occasionally). Then asked for a biscuit (no!).

Argh she's driving me mad.

I would actually mind so much if she didn't eat sometimes, or tried it and didn't like it. With my eldest I've always said you try two decent mouthfuls and if you don't like it then you don't have to eat it, and it's worked well. If she gives something a good go and doesn't like it then I will let her have toast or cereal or whatever that night. I don't make another dinner, but she gets something plain.

Not so with this one! She gets in her chair quite happily, but then screams, shouts and kicks her chair as soon as I stick the plate or bowl to her tray. Which obviously ruins dinner time for he rest of us, it's quite hard to ignore.

Yes we had DD scream throughout our dinner last night and she does that now and again. We just ignore her. Not nice at all obviously but that's generally our approach with tantrums really. We never force her to sit at the table and dinner she can take it or leave it but she's not getting anything else if she doesn't give it a good go. Like yours mine often refuses to try things at all and often she will just refuse to eat something she ate the day before etc.

With snacks, mine asks for snacks loads too including at times when she isn't hungry because those times she doesn't finish them or she refuses to eat snacks that aren't 'high value' enough or whatever etc. I read 'My Child Won't Eat' which was interesting and the doctor who wrote it recommends providing snacks whenever a child asks, but that approach really didn't work for us to be honest. I'm finding a halfway house is working best for us. So I provide snacks when she asks but not if it's close to a meal time, then she can wait. I'm flexible with meal times too where I can be, like if I know she hasn't snacked in the afternoon I will try to make tea early so she eats that instead of her wanting to snack for ages and then being full for a later tea time. And lunch can be anywhere from 11.30am to 1pm depending on when she's hungry etc.

But honestly I would just try not to worry too much. It's so so common. I know a few other people whose little ones are similar.

Have you tried giving everyone empty plates and putting food on the table, (so she can choose what goes on her plate) trying to include one item on the table you know she likes. Then just playing it cool and seeing if she asks for anything.