Can you help me solve any of 4 things?? (Sorry long post)

[Needsomebigchanges]

Happy Sunday all!

Like many I have had a very stressful lockdown. Spent a lot of time in hospital with A very scarily ill DS, missing out in bonding time with my DD whilst trying to hold down and succeed in a full time role.

After a week of bad insomnia and anxiety, have felt better after taking time to really think about and write down what needs changing to make me happy. I have narrowed down to 4 areas and wondered if anyone can help on these? Maybe will help others too?

Thanks All

1 - I work 8.30 - 6 M-F non negotiable due to salary needs. Likely wfh until next year. How can I get a better balance with family? Am thinking set breakfast and dinner times that commute didn’t allow before? How are other people using wfh to improve balance? How can I get mor equality time with DC. Weekends are fully free.

2 - I have put on three stone due to stress, no exercise and existing thyroid problems (under control with 200 mcg a day). Am struggling to eat better/ exercise as just busy then exhausted. Any tips welcomed

1. Work fatigue. I am senior in my field but cannot get on with my boss. A lot of feedback from others is that they are known for being very inconsistent. I am very confident in my abilities but they seem to assert authority by shouting. Sometimes with reason, most of the time just to be shouty. Have tried to address and they back track. I like the company but worry they are hurting my career by suppressing me and not helping lift me. Any ideas here?

1. DH - we went out for dinner for the first time in ages and had not much to talk about (as had banned work ha!) I love him but we are missing a spark. How can we get that back given all the above? Context - we have had a lot to deal with as a couple over past few years.

If you got this far, then you deserve a medal. Thanks for reading

Ok so some thoughts. Firstly well done for identifying your ‘problem’ areas, that’s tough. We have put in place set meal times whilst wfh and have breakfast and dinner together as a family. DP and I also have lunch together. I didn’t see how old your children are, we just make sure we read together and are around if ours want us.
The fast800 works especially when combined with 16:8 fasting. Tough and you have to be in the right mindset though.
The boss point - some people are just arseholes (technical term ) suck it up if you can for the short term whilst you look for something else. You can’t change people, only how you react to them (sorry not much help).
The spark - don’t ban work talk! You can’t sit there in silence and it’s better than nothing. Plus it can lead on to good debate and wider chat. Maybe make one night a week a letter dinner just for you and OH?

Thank you firstly for reading it all and the. For responding to all

DC infants/primary so will back at school soo

Fast 800 is doable I think - more so when DC back at school. I just need to get in routine of meal planning.

Boss - some actually do get on with them but those who do everything they say say, even if means agreeing with inconsistency and if am honest a lot of arse missing thrown in. I don’t want to succeed by that.

Work talk - just ends up with me ranting about boss!! I bore myself let alone DH

And.... I love a dirty martini over a Pornstar one!

How is your husbands work? It sounds like he needs to take over some of the other life stuff like shopping or meal planning? If he has time...

1. Outdoor time after meals before bath and bed if time. Take kids out and just have fun. Also a form of exercise for you for 2.
2. Be kind to yourself. See your eating as a form of self care. Don’t restrict and feel punished as your life has been tough. Don’t use food as a crutch or a reward. But be kind and look after yourself.
3. I can’t help much with this- but remain calm and shut down any shouting. “I am happy to discuss this when you are not shouting” etc.
4. Play a game at night. Watch a box set together. Prioritise each other once the kids are asleep.

My husband has been working from home and we have two toddlers. We have breakfast and dinner together every day. Normally he leaves for work at 6 so we've been using his commute time in turns to get up early and go for a run. In the evenings he plays with the kids while I cook so he gets more time with them that way.
For the diet, look at team rh on Facebook. They set you a realistic amount of calories (mine is 2000) and you lose weight in a steady sustainable way.
Can you do some trips out at the weekend as a family? It'll give you and your husband something to talk about and it's so important to enjoy stuff and have fun together x

With the food, what has worked for has been to increase the quality of the food but decrease the quantity. So instead of filling myself with 'stodge' I now take a bit more time to eat, to savour the flavours, but also buy better quality with more flavour (organic veg, a good sauce for fish, interesting breakfast cereal rather than just flakes).

@Isadora2007 box sets are a great idea. will allow chill time and no pressure. think what we need. also vert good advice on not shouting back.

@Hollywhiskey maybe I could learn from your dh and exercise pre dc wake up. will also be good to plan weekend trips

@EggysMom will definitely factor this in to my 800 cal, meal plan! will enjoy more that way

thanks everyone, feeling positive today!

1. I have also put on a lot of weight this year, and consequently I have now started Couch 2 5K. I don’t have much childfree time at all, so the only way for me to get any exercise was to take my DS with me. I ‘run’ and he scoots. It is working really well for both of us, and because it is only half an hour, it feels like a manageable amount of time. Worth a try for you?

1. Eating breakfast and dinner together is a good start. Now I am WFH I work through lunch so I can do the school run and have a short tea break with DS when we get home. I then go back to work and leave him to potter. I also try and get domestic stuff done during the week now I am not commuting, so do a wash or strip bed when I get up and put in washing machine, hang up during a loo break to make weekends freer. If I wake up early I do an online grocery shop on my phone when still in bed. Only a few minutes here and there, but it all adds up.

Oooo yes to board games - we play carcassone together.

All really good ideas.

Thanks so much am ending this week in such a better headspace than I started it!

If you have to work 45 goes a week to earn enough to live and you're boss is a dick, perhaps it's time to look elsewhere. Once your community you must be out the house crazy hours.

Set mealtimes sounds good - breakfast- healthy cereals, fruit, oats etc.; dinner, again lots of fresh ingredients if you can. But less crap. Sounds obvious but you're stuff home so day, if you don't put it in the big shop, you won't be going out to buy it

As for DH, I'd give real live a chance to get back in the road. I think it's not abnormal to mainly talk about kids, work etc when that's what you do for most of your waking hours. Can you get childcare and go out more often?

Would it be possible to get an exercise bike at home? Very easy to do 20 mins here and there, especially while you're working and it all adds up. Try to walk as much as you can too, like walk the kids to school etc. WFH makes it very easy to stay still.

Hi! Well done for identifying things you can work on.

1. A routine with meals will help like you say. During lockdown when we were WFH we had lunch together at the same time. We had a quick game after lunch if time permitted. I also made a meal plan for the week's lunches and dinners. Even if it was just beans on toast for lunch it meant whoever finished up for lunch first could get it started. It'll also help you with your healthy eating.

1. I too have a thyroid problem and am on the same dose as you. I read another thread on here about the time you take your meds is important. Specifically about caffeine - apparently it can affect absorption. So maybe read about that and see if you need to make changes to when it's taken. When you start exercising I think it gives you more energy.

1. Not much help for shouty boss I'm afraid. Although someone one here (I'm learning so much from MN) said about repeating back what an angry person says - I suppose it makes them feel 'heard'. If you can speak calmly too that might help. Like I said I'm not so sure what to do about that kne.

1. I've found that because dh and I are in the house together all the time, all our news is shared instantly. So when we went out recently it felt really odd. Neither of us have been anywhere or really seen anyone so it felt like we had nothing to share. I've decided that we can talk about the future now! Make some plans.

This is all a bit garbled, and I'm certainly not in a position to have everything on track!