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Original poster

Which way to jump when either way is awful ?

17 replies

52andblue · 22/08/2020 21:38

I have two children with Autism and SEN.
For the last 4 years I've been a single parent, since I walked out of my house with the kids and a suitcase as my exH was truly awful to us.
Kids got NO support at their old School either (rural, no choice avail).
We'd come to the end of the road there.

Since then I've been renting and on Carer's allowance. The first school the kids went to here was good. But now the High School (again rural and no choices available) is a really poor Academy. Ds has been badly bullied and is utterly miserable. Dd is about to start in a fortnight. She was on a 50% timetable (authorised by GP / old School) but new Senco says: 'just put her on the bus, she'll be fine' - she really won't be.
My heart sinks at sending them there. It is a Sink School in every way.

I've got the chance to apply for a business opportunity which would, if I was selected, give me the chance to move locally to an area which gives me the right to send them to a far more suitable school and there isn't a hope in hell of this in any other way. But I won't know if I will get that business chance till end Oct. So, I'd have to send them to bad school till then (and Dd would have to start at this new to her bad school for half a term then hope to maybe move somewhere better). This seems a crazy risk / disruption for what might be a pipe dream? It seems unlikely, but would be amazing if it worked.

OR i could just move back to old house right now, before Schools go back. ExH has finally agreed to move out, and School places are available. But, It's an old and difficult house to live in. We weren't happy in the village (it was dominated by some racist individuals). The School back there has not improved in it's attitude to my kids ASD/SEN. But it would mean stability (even if bad stability)

I don't know what to do?

OP posts:
Smellbellina · 22/08/2020 21:41

100% go with your first option.

OhToBeASeahorse · 22/08/2020 21:48

Can you home school temporarily?
You sound like an amazing woman by the way - your kids are lucky to have someone fighting their corner.

Bunnybigears · 22/08/2020 21:53

Home school temporarily and see what happens come the end of October. I was absolutely anti home schooling until it was forced upon us but now if circumstances meant my children would be unhappy or unable to cope in school I would keep them home without hesitation.

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CormoranStrike · 22/08/2020 21:56

Can you home school until the result of the business opportunity is known?

RandomMess · 22/08/2020 21:58

Kids have Covid/isolating first two weeks of term, then signed off with stress or as suggested register for home schooling?

rosiethehen · 22/08/2020 21:59

Homeschool or online schooling if you can afford it. We pulled ds2 out in year 7 due to bullying and autism and it was the best thing we ever did. Life is too short to be miserable and bullied at school. They can always catch up on some GCSEs at college when they're 16 if you can't get them through them at home.

Thisyearcandoone · 22/08/2020 22:07

Home Ed till October and see what happens then.

Holothane · 22/08/2020 22:10

Please first option if you can you’ve done wonders your children would be so miserable at that school.

Original poster
52andblue · 22/08/2020 22:19

Oh, thanks for replies
Kids want to go back to school (very rule based ASD, so if school goes back then they 'have' to go back) but its not going to work for them there. However they struggled hugely with lockdown education too.
Dd refused to do anything but Maths. Ds got very overwhelmed at the amount school put online (which was badly organised) and his Psychiatrist said he was not to stress about it during lockdown. He got to go in for 4 x half days before summer hols and he only managed 2 of those due to ASD led anxiety. I'd like to home ed till Oct and then make the decision but I don't know if they will go for that or
if it is right to do that to them when they hate uncertainty and change so much???

OP posts:
Atalune · 22/08/2020 22:28

Can you home school?

Original poster
52andblue · 22/08/2020 22:41

The thing is they want to go to school.
I've asked why (as they have such a bad time with bullying etc)
and they've said they 'want to be normal'
It breaks my heart.
they are not ABnormal (who is?) and I've told them that.
they know they have ASD and Dyslexia and Ive tried to be very positive about it but they find it hard, isolating, exhausting. It can be, tbh.
Of course they can go to school. They can manage a day /week/ month even then they get burnout, stop eating breakfast (pre school stress) sleep deteriorates, get exhausted from trying to process all the school stuff when they get home, can't cope with homework, fall behind, a supply teacher shouts at them and they are too afraid to go back. Dd was not managing on a 50% timetable (I lost my job as I got called in so many times at short notice) and Ds manages about 85% but at such a cost to his health that he is now being investigated for epilepsy as he is having 'seizure like activity'. Yet home alone with me is not ideal for them either. They just want to be like their 'friends'
They are teenagers, I won't be around forever, they need to interact with their peers. But kids can be so damn cruel and mine get got at.
Come home with chewing gum stuck all over their back, faces and ties drawn on in pen, stuff stolen. School DO try to help but its hard at High School level. Often my ds can't say who it was as he is poor at name / face links so he doesnt actually know. I dread it all starting again.

OP posts:
Original poster
52andblue · 23/08/2020 17:16

.

OP posts:
pallasathena · 23/08/2020 17:30

You need a plan B.
Plan A is the move for the business opportunity. Plan B is the plan for if the business opportunity falls through.
Organise things so that you can implement both Plan A and Plan B and think of it in terms of 'future proofing'.
If this means short term pain to achieve long term gain, then I'd explain my thinking to the children and ask them what they want in the interim. Do they want a short term return to the sink school? Or do they want to stay at home?
Either way, plan relentlessly for getting yourself and your kids away from this toxic situation and environment.
And I wouldn't move back to the village. You need a forward momentum not a retrograde one OP.
You can do this. You are stronger than you know Flowers

Original poster
52andblue · 23/08/2020 18:40

Thank you @pallasathena

Yes, you are right (putting it on here is helping me think it through)

Plan A is stay in this area but better school avail via Business Plan

But if that falls through and it may very well I need a Plan B

That would probably be move back to old area (logistically easier)

I think I just feel really guilty about not knowing about Plan A till half term so its going to mess the kids around a lot if it doesnt work and that seems selfish to me

OP posts:
WhatamessIgotinto · 23/08/2020 18:43

1st option. It's hopefully temporary and if it doesn't work out as planned you can reassess end October. Shit situation for you to be in though.

FecktheBoss · 23/08/2020 18:48

I'm confused, why do you think that you have a right to the new school? What I'd they are full and cant offer a place?

Original poster
52andblue · 23/08/2020 18:56

I've checked with County re the places and they have plenty.
Due to a location anomaly they'd have to make a space for them there.

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