Compulsive spending

[Sunflowertall]

Happy to explain more about finances if it's pertinent but essentially every few months I massively splurge with my spending and undo months of sensible money management. In the last 10 days after bills etc I've spent almost £800 on coffees, a few clothes (£60), at boots chemist, groceries, top up shops. Nothing major but just loads of little bits here and there. None of it is unreasonable or particularly expensive in itself.

It's clearly a serious problem I have. Causes rows between me and DH as it's our shared finances but I don't know how to stop it. It's like a compulsion. It's happened 3 times in the last year and I've noticed this most recent time it's coincided with a 'falling off the wagon' with a real health kick I was in.

Anyway, any help or insights would be really appreciated.

Is £800 on coffees a typo?? Otherwise that’s a lot! I find I can save well if I’m saving towards a goal. If I’m not then it’s much more tempting to spend. Do you allocate yourself a set amount as spending money? I find that helps me to keep in budget too.

😭 it's not a typo! £80 ish of coffees with cakes. Met up with loads of friends and kept buying coffees for everyone.

£80 or £800? Also name change fail.

Can you keep a spending log, or make a certain budget for each category so you don't go over it, either weekly or monthly

I know contactless payments are really being pushed due to the pandemic, but could you agree with your DH what you each have as personal spending money each month and put that into your own separate account and set yourself a limit on spending per day. If you are meeting a friend for coffee, take £10 out of the cash machine and only spend that. Even better is if you plan ahead, get the cash beforehand and leave cards at home.

Meal plan and food shop accordingly - no top up shops necessary. If you put the oven on, cook two nights' meal at a time then reheat one of them the next day instead if you find you top up shop because you want something easy/convenient/quick and can't face cooking from scratch. Buy frozen veg - it's already prepared and there's no waste.

£800 or £80???

Ah sorry it's £800 total in the last fortnight or so and of that £80 on coffees. That £800 includes a massive weekly grocery shop, some clothes shopping, filling prescriptions, 1.5 tank of fuel for my car, presents for a friend, pet food among other things. Apart from groceries it's individually around £20/£30 but there's just loads of transactions. Been speaking to DH tonight about how to stop it from happening again. I'm going to have £200 p/m for myself (as will he) and EVERY transaction from the joint account needs to be agreed beforehand.

That sounds a sensible solution. We have a joint account for mortgage and household bills then the rest is our own to do with as we like.

It might be easier if, rather than just agreeing a certain amount of individual spending money, you and your DH each opened up individual bank accounts and put the agreed amount into them every month.

Then, when you're out, if you do something like a top up grocery shop, you use the card for the joint account but if you are buy something like clothes, make up or coffees then you use the card for your individual account. That way you're less likely to overspend and if you do, it won't impact on your dh and the joint finances.