Any self care ideas for me for a daunting autumn?

[Trinketsfor20]

I’ve recently returned to work FT after giving birth at the start of the pandemic. Both 7 mo DD and 4 yo DS is my fabulous workplace nursery but come September DS starting school. My job is high pressure and I’ve taken on a major step up and new role spanning all departments of my organisation whereas till now I’ve always worked isnside my own department. Quite a bit of politics, learning ropes of senior management positions and I have really felt the exhaustion. Having spent maternity leave locked down hasn’t helped either although was able to get past PND. I am thinking marathon not a sprint - what sorts of things can I put in place that sort of ensures I build time for myself in regularly - till now I’ve got -

1. We’ve got a cleaner to help keep on top of house as we both work FT and spouse is having to return to 2 hrs each way commute soon (my job has no commute)

1. I’ve blocked out 12-1 daily on my outlook as unavailable for meetings to make sure I take that time out in the middle of the day come what may. In this time will try to spend 10 mins doing my HeadSpace mindfulness as that really relaxes me when I get to it.

1. Physical exercise : unsure on this one. I have a very small dog who i definitely cannot take on super long runs or something but wondering - if as autumn winter comes if a gym membership worth it trying to go in off peak times so as to avoid crowds..... we live near commons woods which get very overgrown in the winter and impenetrably so.... but gorgeous in summer.

We have an instant pot - but not sure where to begin with that! The morning rush is mad - getting out of door for 8:15 with baby and 4 yo.

Two quiet times of my day are baby’s morning and evening breastfeeds. Really chilled and we often listen to Headspace sleepcasts for the evening feed.

Any ideas particularly on making physical exercise an easy part of the week? Even in autumn and winter? I have never been a runner but wondering if couch to 5k might work. I have always had a knee dislocation problem since teens though and knee muscles super weak. Not sure it helps but have lost huge weight lately and BMI around 25 ish...

Any tips for regular physical and mental health looking after will be very warmly appreciated:)

You sound very well organised.

One idea is rather than use nursery, can you get a daily nanny to come to your home, and she can do the school runs, breakfast time etc?
Might cost more but would be so much easier overall.

Oh and don't say 'we have a cleaner as xyz....
You have a cleaner as you need one. You don't need to justify it to anyone.

Ah we wouldn’t be able to afford it although totally see your point. Forgot to mention entirely that the workplace nursery (aside from being amazing enough that I am in tears sometimes at DS leaving his key person for school departure haha) - it’s subsidised by word so basically they take the pay out of my pre tax pay so we get an absolutely massive massive cost cut on it. Finances can’t readjust and baby settled in too now. Both school and nursery super close to work too so that’s sort of manageable (nursery on my work campus). Thanks though :)

I used to be a nanny. I came down about 7.30am, kids had started breakfast, I took over, parents got stuff together for work and left. I sorted school stuff, did school run, took toddler to groups, collected child from school, did homework, fed kids tea and put them in bath, parent came home, put kids to bed.

That's what you want.

Ah thank you re cleaner - we got (I got - strangely not male spouse ) a lot of challenging on using cleaner so finally got a cleaner last week after dithering for years (!) so I feel very apologetic about it (Note - male spouse doesn’t feel apologetic - some significant societal conditioning there!)

Sorry just read your update.

Didn't mean to be snappy, but it struck me you had to justify the cleaner, when you are doing so much!!!
Anyways, you are giving someone a job!

For physical exercise what about online exercise classes or personal training so you can work out a time to suit you. My local exercise class has become an online thing during lockdown down (both pre-recorded and live classes) and I'm aware that many personal trainers are still working over zoom. Alternatively as things start to open up again, look for a suitable class locally? It might help to be able to fit in after kids are in bed and to have a regular slot when DP knows you need to go out.

As you'll be doing all the out of hours childcare during the week, get your spouse to batch cook for the freezer at the weekend.
Is your cleaner doing ironing?

Presumably, you won't have time for couch to 5k or gym after work so could do on line work out videos.
And you'll want to spend time with DC at weekends so plan some long walks, swimming, bike rides.

Could your DH work from home once a week? A daily 4 hour commute sounds brutal.

Maybe start batch cooking at the weekend. If each weekend you make 4 family size portions of one meal then in a few weeks time you will end up in a situation where you will have a meal you can pull out of the freezer the night before.

Have a weekly family meeting with DH for review how things are going.

Batch cook some bits for the freezer for your first couple of weeks when you’ll be so tired even worth chopping and freezing things like onions (or buying frozen pre chopped) so you can cook without much prep
Simplify and make up and hair routines
If poss get easy iron clothes!
C25k is good but does take about 30 mins so maybe get some dvds or amazon prime if you have that, things like davina fit in 15 mins could be easy to fit in (or look for some YouTube videos)

Well done on thinking ahead. I am doing similar as I was home educating from March to July as well as working from home but now need to find a way of building in exercise and social time from September while still mostly working from home. I want to fit in 1 x yoga (probably at the gym), 1x swimming (gym again) and 1x run and also 1 x meeting colleague for lunch / walk.
I would really recommend yoga as both stress relief and good for strength. Adrienne is good online but a class is better if you can get one and you are less subject to external distractions.

Oh wow such great ideas! Going out in evening is very doable for me as spouse is a home bug and introvert and I am a social animal so he would be very amenable to me disappearing evenings whether for social or exercise purposes! It’s the energy generation I find hard.....

Will look into the online class option but a small house and if kids in bed and living room occupied a bit hard so leaning significantly towards being able to go somewhere although also mindful that local lockdowns and further spikes of covid may lead to closures.....

Are you physically going into work every day? Could you do one day from home, then you can use that time to make something in the slow cooker and /or do an online class.
Also it is boring but prioritise food than you can make in double quantities- pasta sauces, lasagne, pies - if you do this 3 x per week you can build up a stock of leftovers in the frezeer. If you make slightly more than double, you can freeze min portions for the kids too.

Great thread. As a FT working mum of 3 (soon to be 4 - I have clearly lost my mind in lockdown) here are some suggestions:

• agree a weeknight routine with DH. Your kids are still young so the bulk of keeping house tidy and ticking over between cleaner visits falls on both of you. Agree some rules like, all kids toys picked up at end of day by eldest, dishwasher on every night that sort of thing

• batch cooking - you have an instant pot which is great (I love mine). Have a look at Batch Lady and others who can suggest ideas for freezer dump bags. Basically you make the mix up at the weekend then freeze, and pop into instant pot in the morning.

• meal planning and online grocery shopping saves so much time

• the thing that always kills me is laundry. I've given up now and simply do service washes at our local launderette. £10 for a large load to be washed dried and folded - priceless in terms of the time it saves me

Good luck! Ruthless organisation is the way forward :)

Could you or DH work 4 days a week, so your DC aren't in nursery for such a long period?

In your work diary book out times for no meetings other than lunch. This will cover your journey times so you'll be empowered to leave the office on time every day.

Hi @LaureBerthaud the nursery duration isn’t a problem for us and helps us manage things best for our household. Great ideas all thank you looking into these!

My work is 5 mins from home so no commute practically which v much helps! I also love work and my actual workplace (lake, loads of green spaces on campus)

Definitely outsource your laundry. Are there any local services that pick-up from work or home and deliver back?

For in-betweens with the cleaner, do you have an Eufy or any other cleaning gadgets that can keep everything in order between the cleaner's more thorough cleans? (I have a gadget that vacuums and mops and it does a good job of keeping the kitchen floor non-sticky between the deep cleans.)

I find that going to an exercise class between work and home when I'm returning is best for me that probably doesn't suit your timetable. I decompress during that time and it helps me to miss the rush hour on the trains.

Instant Pots are fabulous once you integrate them into your routines and know what you like.

Outsourcing laundry is AMAZING idea. I’m looking into it right away as we seem to live in a constant stream of washed unwashed non put away laundry.......

Just having another think,

• increase cleaner hours if you can afford it. Get them to change bedding and do ironing. Just get work clothes ironed.
• declutter. If your not having anymore babies then sell or give away the baby stuff
• have a daily, weekly and monthly schedules. Daily - empty dishwasher, wash on a load of washing. Get a tumble drier if you don’t already
• weekly on Monday order food shopping for Saturday
• monthly look at birthdays coming up and buy presents from amazon, do the kids need more clothes? Buy whole wardrobe from one supermarket online, return anything you don’t need

These are just examples

If the boring stuff just works then it leaves for time for self care

Definitely get rid of the laundry. I dropped two massive loads off (roughly a week's worth of laundry for a family of 5) at the launderette yesterday, had it back washed, dried and folded 3 hours later. Game changer.

I’ve been doing 20 mins joe wicks 5 times a week and it feels like that ticks the exercise box. Maybe try and find low impact HIIT (thinking of your knee).

IME the most time consuming domestics are meal planning/cooking and laundry. Would seek to share those.

You’ll need a plan for times when one or both DC can’t attend school/childcare pending a covid test, as that could happen a lot. Would share the time off work or (if possible) wfh.