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Original poster

Moving in with man with kids

37 replies

Hardtotell · 21/08/2020 19:53

Hi!
I’m new to this. Just turned 50. No kids of my own - it didn’t happen and I was ok with that.
I’ve been seeing someone for a year. He has 11yo and 15yo girls. Long story short I’ve met the 11yo briefly (less than an hour) about 4 times. Never met the 15yo. She’s being playing up (staying at friends but really out all night, weed) stays in room and doesn’t speak. Refusing to meet me.
We planned to move in together and I was going to get to meet and spend time with girls but covid got in the way.
His house has just sold so we now have a few weeks to sort it. I’ve got a house we plan to share in the short term but I’m nervous of moving them in (shared custody) never having met the girl..

Been to their house for 1st time to try and engage in low key way. 11yo engages but gets everything she wants when she wants, won’t eat meal, stayed in room most of day. Demands stuff. 15yo got up for shower at 5pm went back to room. Didn’t want food. Never spoke. Dad speaks to her like she’s a baby.

Now I’m reeeeeeally scared. Is this normal? I’m not sure I am ok with a child who isn’t at the very least expected to say hello to a guest.
I can’t see how I’m going to be ok with the behaviour.
Moving in together seems crazy! I’m doubtful they will agree to come and it’s unlikely their mum will make them but what if they do! I’d love a relationship with them on any level but surely a level of politeness should be encouraged?
Suggestions please?

OP posts:

sallyshirt · 22/08/2020 09:25

@AlternativePerspective

No decent parent would move someone in who hadn’t even met their kids yet.

And only an idiot would agree to move in with someone when they’d not even met the kids...

I wouldn’t only not move in, I would end the relationship.

This

Immigrantsong · 22/08/2020 09:28

@AlternativePerspective

No decent parent would move someone in who hadn’t even met their kids yet.

And only an idiot would agree to move in with someone when they’d not even met the kids...

I wouldn’t only not move in, I would end the relationship.

This with bells on.

AdaColeman · 22/08/2020 10:33

@Hardtotell So what are your thoughts now?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

11 year olds 15 year olds Families

ChaToilLeam · 22/08/2020 10:36

This is insane. You barely know the girls, he’s a Disney dad, this has disaster written all over it.

PerditaProvokesEnmity · 22/08/2020 10:38

Are we expecting the OP to return? ...

PanamaPattie · 22/08/2020 10:42

Disaster. What do you get out of it?

Onlyonewayout · 22/08/2020 10:42

I’m a no as well. These girls are at a tricky time in their lives and you’ve barely met them and yet you’re all going to live together? Utter madness. Here lies the road to upset.

I’d get him to rent somewhere else and spend time with him and the girls and get to know them. Don’t thrust them into a living situation with a stranger. I’d also be hugely concerned that he’s moving into your house.

PerditaProvokesEnmity · 22/08/2020 11:02

Until I came to MN I'd lived an innocent lifetime with no idea of this phenomenon - divorced /separated men with children targeting a new woman to house and housekeep for them all.

I'm wondering if they have a website where they share tips ...

(I know separated women with children might also move into a new man's house - it just seems so iniquitous when we know caring responsibilities almost invariably fall to the woman.)

VettiyaIruken · 22/08/2020 11:05

Don't move in together.
It is going to end horribly.

OhYeahYouSuck · 22/08/2020 11:06

@PerditaProvokesEnmity

Are we expecting the OP to return? ...

I thought the same.

chubbyhotchoc · 22/08/2020 11:14

Absolutely not. You're another one about to take in a cocklodger and his offspring. You must be mad to even think about it

corythatwas · 22/08/2020 11:38

Have you actually even thought about those girls as human beings????

One has presumably either just gone through puberty or is shortly about to do so, the other is at a sensitive time in her teens- and you expect them to be forced to move into the house of a woman they've never even met!!! Any sensible person would be terrified and try to stop this in any way they could- I'm not surprised they are!!! For all they know, you could be an abusive paedophile. And even if you were the sweetest person on earth- how the heck do you expect them to suddenly be ok with moving into your house, on your rules???

All they know about you so far is that both you and their father is showing the most appalling lack of judgment. The two of you come across, on the face of it, as exactly the kind of people our parents warned us about!!! If they show they're unhappy about this, then good for them!!! I'd want my daughter to have that sense of what is appropriate and what is not. This is NOT.

Here you have two children who are so worried that they are refusing to eat and all you can think about is how they should be polite to you!!!

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