Hi all,
This is a general bid for advice on my personal investments, including both my money and my time in relation to a 2-year relationship.
I am a single parent and I have been with another single parent in a blended family for two years. We moved in shortly after meeting. In June, we leased an apartment together; I moved out and we split the rent. I came into the relationship with a modest inheritance and he largely supported us. I paid about $1500/month in expenses. We traveled; he paid. I have been a buffer for his bad money management. He makes over 200K and I make about $20/hour, and will make $60K gross when I finish my MS in 1 year. I lended him $33K for his refinance.
We are still committed. And still, the relationship is tumultuous emotionally. My main complaint is that he is rude to my 11 year old. Another complaint is that I allowed him to use my time and put my career on the back burner while playing house wife. This moment in time has passed, but I am working on that resentment because I made that choice for myself although he encouraged it. My responsibility in this is that I was needy and allowed myself to be dominated.
He recently asked me to marry him. This happened right when his lender was pressuring a refinance decision. I said no because of how he treated me the next day. He was ranting, complaining, and being rude about my daughter. I didn’t want to feel trapped in that house. This is huge for me because I think that if there's one thing I want most in this life is to be married and have the security that comes with it. But I couldn't take the emotional stress. It creates health issues. So, rather than contributing to the mortgage and adding my name to the title; I said "no" to the marriage for a 7% interest rate on that 33K, along with my dignity. Wow.
An investment he has made in me is teaching me how to sing, play music, and to learn how to make friends. He is a musician and leads group sessions, and I have learned how to do this alongside him. I value this position very much. Because I am assisting in leadership, I receive a lot of subtle information from the participants on how I can improve my playing as well as my charisma. To forfeit this relationship is to forfeit this position. I am able to utilize his vast social circle. As someone who is deathly afraid of being alone, without friends and family, I'm afraid to leave it all.
We are trying this alternative model of relationship- living separately- we moved too quickly at the start- and seeing where things go. It doesn't look like he could stand living with her though. Isn't the point of a relationship to live together? We talked about creating a finished basement and making that my daughter's space. But if he continues to regard her like this, she will feel unwelcome throughout her teens, while living in the basement. She has not been a perfect kid, and he believes that she is doing things to get back at me and cause us to break up. This is his belief.
The primary question asks if it is worth it to invest 7 years' time in a relationship for the hopes of a future payoff, with all variables considered.