Sitting in next doors garden with kids asleep in bed?

[compulsiveliar2019]

Hi all just looking for some opinions! May I just start by saying I'm not a parent so I'm not sure what's the done thing!

My neighbour and I are fairly new but good friends. She is a single mum to a 2 year old and a 5 year old who live with her 100% of the time. She is away visiting her parents at the moment so haven't asked her what she thinks yet!
We have mutual friend who is going through a tricky time. She lost one of her parents to COVID and is currently going through a really messy divorce. It her birthday next week and my neighbours the following week and I would like to do something nice for them both so was thinking I'd invite them both over for dinner. We would almost certainly eat in the back garden. I should point out that my neighbour has a right of way over my garden so there is a gate from her garden to mine.
Do you think it would be considered acceptable for her to put the kids to bed and then come and sit and eat/ socialise with us in my back garden?
I don't want to ask her or make plans if this is considered a big no no these days! I'd also kind of like to do it as a bit of a surprise for both of them!

I would, as I use baby monitors still (DC 4 and 2) so would hear them. Especially as your gardens are connected. I sit at the end of my own garden when kids are in bed, probably the same distance.

Alternatively, host in her back garden (but using all your crockery of course) if she seems unsure.

I think it all depends.... do you live in tbe city centre or very rural, how big are you're horses and are they close together, could you borrow or use a video baby monitor etc. Do you have children yourself who are older, eh then perhaps better to use your friends garden, and how much do you all plan to drink?

If it was me I'd not do it as a total surprise in case your friends is uncomfortable with the arrangement or you can discuss the best way to do it, but I think it's a possibility.

When i had kids that young I wouldn't want to be further than the back door. They aren't old enough if they wake to come and find her. She might not hear them.

My kids are older now and if i had an adjoining garden I would happily tell them my plans.

Are both gardens small ? I really think she would need a video monitor to feel totally comfortable with them being so young.

With a baby monitor left there Id feel fine with that, as you’re so close. But yes could you take the food to her garden maybe?

I personally think they are too young in case they come and find her but your friend doesn’t hear them as a PP said.

I’ve done it with a baby monitor, and the neighbours have come to ours and done the same. Just ask and if she’s not comfortable leaving her property then suggest that you bring the food and utensils through the gate to her side. I really wouldn’t do a surprise as that’s a bit much!

To answer some questions.
It's a row of terraced houses. I'm at the end she is next door. I was planning on sitting on my patio area which is around 8 foot from my back door.
I don't know if she has or uses baby monitors or what the range would be. If it helps my wifi extends all the way across their garden.
Gardens are quite long but we would be sitting near the houses and there would be lights on outside.
The kids from what I understand are pretty good sleepers. Their bedroom is at the back and I can often hear them playing and chatting in their bedroom when I'm out in my garden so I am fairly sure if they were distressed they would be heard without a monitor.
Sitting in her garden doesn't really work as I was planning on doing pizza in my new outdoor pizza oven ( my treat for surviving lockdown 😂). Also we live at the bottom of a hill and our gardens are quite sloped. My garden was terraced by the previous owners but next door there isn't much flat space and what there is is taken up with kids playhouses ect. So I'm not sure how we could do it.

I would have sat in my own back garden but not my neighbours when dc were such a young age.

I think it’s a lovely idea and as a single mum myself I’d appreciate the change of scenery. Definitely speak to her about it first as she may not be comfortable with it and may feel under pressure if it’s a last minute surprise. Could you suggest an afternoon (so her children can come) as an alternative if she does decline?

I would, yes

monitors if possible. Front of house securely locked and house with the dc in quickly accessible from your garden.... I'd do it, yes

I would ask her first before inviting. There are apps you can use to set up two phones or iPad as a monitor and parent station over WiFi if she doesn't have a monitor.

Thanks everyone. I will ask her what she thinks when she gets back.
But general consensus is that it's not a big no no!
Hopefully we will be able to make something work!

I would, me and a neighbour used to do this where I used to live when the children were small

Could you do it in the day with the children?

OIr do you have space you could put them to sleep in your house, obviously only if you can carry them back still asleep.

Or have the pizza then take a bottle of wine into her house / garden?

I think it also depends on whether the children are at the back of the house

Sounds lovely

Definitely don't want to do it with the kids around. Don't get me wrong they are lovely girls and and I do spend quite a lot of time with them. But they are both quite full on and dominate the conversation and attention. Which I guess is totally normal for young children who are going through a pandemic!
Also out mutual friend is going through a rough time and there are some conversations that you simply can't have with children around. I just think it would be nice to have some adult time.