Birthday Blues what shall I do?

[Alifeworthliving]

I have a big birthday happening in October and its playing on my mind,actually the thought that it may just go by like another day in my already boring life,is depressing the life out of me!,for some weird reason marking half of my life has become a big deal in my head,I think as it's such a milestone its made me evaluate my life and achievements and I guess I'm not happy where I am in my life and the failure of not celebrating in style with lots of loved ones around me just makes me feel inadequate and like a failure.
A party is out of the question (I actually haven't enough friends to warrant one) a holiday away with my partner is also not possible due to no one willing to help with our children, a holiday with kids is not possible due to one of our dear childrens severe disabilities.a restaurant meal also out of the question due to said child.
Has anyone any suggestions or shall i just sleep right through the whole day and pretend it isn't happening?!!

Home delivery meal maybe? How about having a spa day first then go home to a nice takeaway and champagne....

@PollyPelargonium52 a spa sounds like a lovely idea,I'd have to do it alone as no one would have my kids!

Could your OH have your kids and you go with a best friend?

@OverTheRainbow88 yes he could but hes my best friend, I want to spend the day with him having fun,eating good food,feeling special

Aw yes I get that, sorry. I had to stay home and look after our DC on my husbands 40th as we couldn’t find anyone to have them! But he did really enjoy his bday.
I hope you find something special to do.

@OverTheRainbow88 thank you

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect to mark a big birthday with a special celebration, but I think the key here is to think about what is possible for you to achieve.

It sounds like you’re reflecting on a lot of aspects of your life, maybe take some time before October to really think about what the next year might hold for you. A new hobby or skill, a way to connect with new friends? The day itself can be very special with little things, everyone in their nicest clothes, special meals, afternoon tea, games, kitchen disco, fireworks, winter barbecue, whatever you fancy. Make sure you have lovely flowers, a celebration cake, the drinks you like. Just celebrate life, and make sure you’re working towards the things you want.

Take it from me, highlighting the things you don’t have and silently martyring yourself just brings misery, I know, because that’s how I behaved on my 50th. Just go for it.

@Fanthorpe that's exactly what I need to hear
I'm definitely feeling down about it all and feel like by being this way I'm putting pressure on my partner who doesn't deserve it.life has taken me on a journey that didn't feature in my plans growing up,not all bad but alot of heartbreak. I'm going to try not to dwell.