Is this normal in some families?

[Mysha]

PIL never message just to see how DH is doing. They also never ring for a catch up. Since having DC they sometimes message with a slightly accusatory ‘we haven’t seen DC in ages. Can we FaceTime?’ This annoys DH because they never seem at all interested in him and it implies he is at fault for not initiating the contact (but only because he is the only one to normally initiate!). He used to phone them weekly but I think recently he’s realising how one-sided it is so he’s tapered off.

They know very little about what is going on in our lives because they don’t really do small talk, so wouldn’t know if I was applying for a new job or DH was struggling at work, for example. I think DH avoids talking to them about things like that and I’m not sure why, or if he even knows why.

When we do see them they’re full of ‘family is so important’ and quite a lot of guilting behaviours, but seem genuinely very pleased to see our DC (if a bit suffocating).

Is this just a normal family dynamic? It’s not been feeling right recently but I can’t put my finger on it.

My PIL are a bit like that, never phone for a chat unless there is something specific to discuss. Never send birthday cards even to dc, but MIL does make us feel guilty if we haven't visited for a while ( she lives 300 miles away and doesnt visit us) or dont send her a birthday card!
At one time i used to jump through their hoops now I cba. PIL are divorced but very similar personalities.
Every family is different.

Yep. Normal.

I'm like this with my dad, we only call each other if we have something to say.

My in laws are the same although I don't think we've ever had a FaceTime with either of them. Mil occasionally sends a "how are you all" message but that's only about every 3 months or so, Fil never contacts us unless DH gets in touch first. We live about 100 miles from one of them and less from the other but barely see them more than once a year.

Some families aren't that close, especially if sons marry and move away.

Sounds so like some in my family!! Full of how important family is but on the rare occasions we do get together they are on their screens ignoring the grandchildren and when I was admitted to hospital with sepsis they never called to see how I was. I just make mental notes of how I don't want to be if my kids ever have children and try and move on. It's sad when people don't do what seems so effortful for some but we can't make them connect and getting too caught up in this is a path to madness.