I don't mean on a biological sense, my DNA has proved that (am tracing my great nan's father, hence doing the test) but I mean he's not the sort of person I've always seen him to me.
Growing up he's always been the parent I looked up to, confided in, and always believed him to be honest and open. Him and my mum split when I was 5. Always told me she had been abusive, and I don't doubt that because i witnessed her attack him myself.
Over the years he's always told us things about my mum, made digs at her because she had grey hair early, and as a child we found it amusing to make similar jokes about her knowing Noah, and how old she was, blah blah.
I struggle with my mum still, but accept she may actually have autism, and never diagnosed. I've done a lot of research on this and believe this is why her relationship with us hasn't always been the best. It's a struggle.
BUT recently, my dad's behaviour has shifted, or maybe come to light. He's made comments about my SiL that are downright rude, I've found him lying about stupid little things, and he refuses to even acknowledge that he's wrong. He's made my step mum cry over a painting she did (said purple wasnt in the rainbow) and my mum told me recently that he used to be the one to do all the finances because he didn't trust her.... yet took a credit card out in her name because "he didn't think he'd be able to get one using his name". I know for a fact his credit rating is piss poor still, even though he maintains he's on top of paying debts off (he's not, but doesn't like to be seen as such).
He was annoyed with my brother last year because my bro wouldn't allow him to bring his friend to the meal so he could afford it (so it would come under business expenses, as they were having a business meeting), despite being told FAMILY ONLY. His comment to me was "you'd think he'd make an exception so his dad could be there" but they'd turned their best friend and maid of honour away because they seriously only wanted family. I told my dad it was my brothers decision. Was also annoyed because had they saved up, they'd have been able to afford it, but they were able to pay for McDonald's the nights before and for breakfast....
Then my sister got married in Feb. Was supposed to be May but they changed it, and my dad was angry because it gave him less time to lose weight. It was all about him, and how he appeared, rather than the fact my sister wanted to move up north earlier as she was living with my in laws at the time because she's escaped a Bad place recently before that (she wasn't living with her fiance at the time, strict religious) (and good timing too otherwise she'd have been stuck with everything going on)
Dad and step mum both lost their jobs when covid hit. Understandable that he'd be upset, but he refuses to work for other people, even though this job was working for a friend. He took it as a personal thing, saying that his friend chose to let them both go because she doesn't actually like them (not the case, but my dad is probably just envious of her for having her own business). The way I see it is that I'm order for her to pay the people she ACTUALLY still need a, she had to let them go. Neither of them did anything NEEDED. They weren't doctors. My dad helped them reclaim unpaid bills. Step mum helped organise meetings. Both could be done by the doctors/friend.
And now my brother is getting married in Sept, and his fiance moved over here just as lockdown happened so they had enough time to get married. She lives in Norway, so her family won't be at the wedding, but they're more than ok with that, as they're happy to pay for a big party when life is easier etc. My dad on the other hand, was angry he couldn t be there. "You've done this so we won't be there you know we can't afford it." He had 8 weeks to put money aside, which could easily be done because we worked it out for him. But he's happy to spend £25x3 a week on takeaways etc. That would easily have covered their fuel to get to the wedding.
He has previously said to me and my brother that he was always good at manipulating his mum into agreeing to things. He also didn't believe me on several.occasions, despite never lying to him because I never felt I needed to do so. The lying started when he didn't believe me.
He doesn't believe that mental health is a real thing. Told me that I wasn t ill I was just pregnant, when I had severe Hyperemesis, had lost 35lbs in 6 weeks, and was suicidal because of how sick I was. Then told me all parents are tired, that's how things are, when I was again suicidal and extremely sleep deprived after just giving birth to my daughter, and my son was having sleep troubles.
He also constantly talks about me having more kids even though I never wanted some, and mentioned about us having another one THE DAY AFTER ID GIVEN BIRTH. He ignore me when I tell him not everyone feels the same way he does about kids.
Oh, and apparently it's his job as a grandparent to raise his grandchildren properly. And that the love for a grandchild is more than a love for a child.