Turning 40 and feeling a bit sad and neglected..

[Onthecuspof40]

I’m about to turn 40 in a few weeks and feeling a bit sad and tender about the the whole thing, DH won’t be here due to work commitments and while he is lovely and will more than willing to buy me something nice, he has no real imagination and doesn’t really get the the whole indulgence of adult birthday’s...

We are living in a new area, a long way away from family and other then a “you haven’t mentioned what you want for your birthday” from my folks them and my siblings haven’t mentioned anything else

We have 2 DD’s who I’m sure will go out their way to make me cup of tea in bed and some beautiful home made cards (which I will absolutely treasure) I can’t help feeling a bit down and under appreciated with the whole thing.

I appreciate this possibly comes across as a bit bratty and entitled and I’m not normally this fussed, but just feel a 40th is quite a big deal and between being in the fud about crossing the threshold to middle age and feeling like no one really cares I’m on the cusp of big ugly crying tantrum...

Can people either tell me to give myself a dust up and toughen up and give me some ideas on how I can turn the day around myself and also some suggestions of a nice indulgent gift I can buy myself...

Plan to celebrate with DH another day?
Birthdays are all a bit rubbish at the moment.

On the contrary I loath the indulgence of adult birthdays.

Arrange your own lunch/dinner etc with family and friends? You can organise your own celebration if feel you want to mark the occasion, it's not always up to someone else to provide the festivities.

Just because the birthday has a zero in it, doesn't mean you have to celebrate more.

I understand that 40 is bigger than 39 and I do think a 0 makes it a "bigger" birthday... but if you want to plan something then do so. Plan a meal or a barbecue or a lunch, whatever it is you want to do and can safely do in the pandemic. Its unfortunate your DH is away on the day but you can still do something nice and I don't think it's up to anyone else to organise something for you. Is there a reason why you think someone else should be organising something? Is that how it's usually done in your family? Is it possible there is a surprise?

If you want a fuss made of you this birthday you'll have to tell him OP. Don't expect him to guess and then be gutted when he doesn't deliver the goods on the day, be explicit about what you want and how you'd like to celebrate. No one is a mind-reader and if you say nothing you already know you're going to be disappointed, so speak up. Now!

I like to think I’m quite a thoughtful person, and always go out of my way to make people/family feel special on birthday, special occasions etc from organising zoom parties to ordering anniversary meals from the original restaurants that proposals happened 20 years before to finding a way to get a homemade birthday cake 500 miles away by courier right back to trawling 2nd hand shop for a particular 1st edition book.

Don’t get me wrong I do these things because I want to and to make the people I love happy but I guess on this particular birthday im just feeling a bit sad that no one thinks I’m important enough to give a little bit of imagination back...

It’s really not a money or gift thing, I just want to feel a bit spoiled

Of course there is always the slim chance that they have something under wraps but I’m really not getting that vibe!

... and that is exactly why you should speak up!

Seriously, what's the harm in saying 'This year, because it's my 40th, I'd really love to do X to celebrate'?

I get it OP - you just want someone else to do the thinking for once. This happened to me for my 30th. I had to tell DH I wanted to go away and I wanted it to be a surprise. He did book something but then told me 'by mistake' weeks before. I also had to organise my own party - all of it. I just wanted to be looked after and have someone else spoil me for once. So I understand your sadness. ☹️

I understand OP. I had my 40th during the height of lockdown and it was a complete non event. I'm not a social butterfly but it would've been nice to have marked the occasion somehow.

The thing is your birthday isn't here yet so it's maybe a bit premature to complain people haven't been thoughtful enough bit agree with PP that you should tell your DH now if you want him to organise something

I have never thought of celebrating my birthday as an adult indulgence. There is so much sadness in life - I take the opportunity to celebrate when it comes along!!

Do not make the mistake of expecting people to be as thoughtful as you, if you want it to be special - you need to tell them/help them see it’s a special day.

You choose the restaurant, mini break, day out, ways you want to celebrate and then either delegate specifically or invite them to participate.

But don’t waste time anticipating they won’t make it special for you - start dreaming, planing and doing!! You get the ball rolling and others will join you.

Just be glad your DC haven't made a you're half of 80 song with a dance that progressively shows your age ending in the lying down dead as that's what happens when you're old. This is currently DHs life! In all seriousness if you want to do something special either arrange it yourself (you'll still have a great time)or implicitly tell DH what you want. Happy birthday!

I know what you're saying, I've been through the same thing - and cried too haha.
I only have a small family (my sister forgot) and few friends. DH requires step by step instructions on any presents.
For me the saddest thing was only getting 3 cards, one a last minute affair from DH. I send so many out each year (and flowers and gifts etc) but I suppose people just don't care about that sort of thing (old fashioned?) anymore.
You still have time to make sure people remember and make a fuss.

Just to add I ordered myself a really lovely cake (because I knew I wouldn't have one otherwise).

Worth the money

I agree, you have to start organising yourself. I always organise my own birthdays because I want it full of celebrations, and for my 40 th in 5 years I know I am going to organise a big party with my family and friends, because I dont think you can leave it to other to do as sometimes our expectations are high. Unfortunately due to the pandemic you are limited, so time to be creative :)
If your DH sees you diving in and looking at options then I am sure he will join in and think a little higher - if he is planning something then he can manuvour you away from certains things (this isnt a test to see if he has planned something) You just need to get on it yourself but let him know your expectations so he knows to go alllll out especially during these difficult times.