Feel parents aren’t sticking up for me

[MissDolly007]

Hi. I will try and keep this short - I’m just feeling a bit lost. I have a brother who is 6 years younger than me. We used to be close but less so as we got older (He’s 40 now). A few months ago his wife accused me of purposely leaving them out of things even though this is really untrue - over the last year they never come when I do invite them. Anyway he said we weren’t as close and need to get back on track before his wife would be ok with me again. She blocked me on fb so I can’t see pics of my nephews and also blocked my son who is 16. It’s been really hurtful. I thought after time we would just move on but we haven’t. He never calls me only sends the occasional message. Anyway - my parents and sister are still really friendly with them and I’m finding it hard to deal with. They tried to say something to my brother but won’t push it. I feel they are putting my brother and his wife above me and it hurts. I’m starting to feel like not talking to any of them again especially after my mum told me they all met for a walk in the woods close to my home and didn’t invite me. It’s making me feel really depressed. Any advice appreciated xx

Maybe they feel that they are not taking sides and are trying to be neutral, @MissDolly007?

I do try and think this but I don’t understand why I’m feeling so hurt and everyone else is carrying on like nothing has happened. Thanks though x

Did you ask them about the walk in the woods? From what you’ve written it sounds like they want you to make all the effort.

Well I just wasn’t invited. I tried to call my brother when I found out but he’s ignoring my calls and messages. X

Just to add a bit more detail. It was my ds birthday in January. I am split from his dad so quite a few of us as I am married as is his dad and has siblings. The restaurant he wanted was tiny so 12 for a booking at the most. My brother has 5 in his family alone and children aged 0 to 7. I invited them to my house for birthday cake after the meal and my brother thought it a great idea. He then went quiet on me and I didn’t know if they were joining us or not. His wife then put a nasty remark on fb about how we never invite them to things to publicly embarrass me for everyone to see. I told her this was not true but she just lost it and said never invite them again as they won’t be interested. I was lost as I did invite them - hence why I am confused.

That's a bit of a back story there MissDolly.

The birthday dinner was the cause of all this and I can understand it to be honest. You invite others to the restaurant and your brother and his family just get cake at your house. He may have been ok initially and then on thinking about thought it wasn't very friendly. And I can see where he's coming from.

From your SIL's point of view - I bet your brother rarely if ever tells her of invitations. My DP does this sometimes - receives an invitation and declines, sometime with good reason, other times simply because he doesn't fancy it, but he doesn't tell me so I'm left thinking what's going on when I find out about the event. He did this is to a niece's christening of all things once.

You could try grovelling. You could try asking your parents explictly to intercede for you.

Next time you celebrate a big birthday / anniversary - keep the small restaurant for you, DS and DH, and have a second meal for the wider family at a larger venue.

Your parents and sister suspect they'll get the same treatment from SIL if they get involved. Hence their "neutrality"