Unsure whether I love him

[unsureaboutlove]

I have NCed for this.
I have started to think that I may not love my husband any more. I know he loves me and I know he would be absolutely destroyed if I left him. I can't bear the thought of what it would do to him.
So my question is this: does the fact that I can't bear to hurt him indicate that I do in fact love him after all? How do you know whether you love someone?
We have been together for 20 years. We're also facing a tricky time mainly because husband is very stressed due to work- but this has been going on for many months so is not a short-term thing that will go away any time soon.

All marriages go through big ups and downs

Do you have kids? Are you held by other things than just your personal relationship?

I work with my dh. There are times I wish he still worked “separately” as were together all the time. It’s hard and, 20 yes is a successful marriage by today’s standards. Might counselling help?

Yes we have 2 kids.

its a rare marriage that doesn’t have a few ups and downs which means feelings ebb and flow.

A lot of life is picking up milk, washing tea towels and checking the oil level in the car, pretty boring and monotonous. Then there is the more interesting stuff and there is a scale and an amount, funny or thought provoking conversations , having a laugh and giving or receiving thoughtful gifts. After that there is the amazing stuff, a wedding day, having dc, a career achievement, amazing holidays and toe tingling sex. Plus all the other things that we do or happen to us.

It sounds like nothing is intrinsically wrong just that you are not content and rather bored, maybe a mid life crisis. Try and imagine a life without him and see how you feel. You may now reveal he has some horrible characteristics but it sounds like your bored to me.

I know a lady who seemed to have everything. Hard working husband, beautiful home, a couple of good holidays a year (when most people booked a fortnight in Greece). High achieving kids. Husband a hard worker. She, a housewife who worked 3 mornings a week as a TA.

She stopped loving The husband. The tried to sort it. Couldn’t. I’m now married 11 yrs to her Ex. She is in her own and looks (and by all accounts IS) thoroughly miserable.

Be careful, OP. Maybe it’s just a phase.

I know I must be careful. There are some issues but nothing terrible. I do though feel relief when I think about living just me and the kids.

Actually thinking about your responses has made me realise that I have been through phases like this before. I must be cautious.